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"Yeah, I figured," I replied. I should never have said anything. If I could have gone back in time, I would have put down that booze, I would have thought better of this, I would have -
"I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me sooner," she continued.
"Why, because it would have changed things?” I demanded. She frowned.
"Changed things how?"
"I mean, you wouldn’t have wanted me around Kyra if you knew..."
She stared at me for a moment, her brow furrowed.
"Avda, what are you talking about?"
"I know how it looks," I replied. "You don’t have to play dumb."
She bristled slightly.
"I’m not playing dumb," she fired back. "I don’t see why you think you being bisexual would have any bearing on whether or not I wanted you around my daughter."
Those words just hung there between us for a long moment. Was it just lip service? The way she was staring back at me, the way she was looking at me and not breaking my gaze, she seemed to be trying to tell me that she was dead serious.
"Why not?" I asked.
"You really thought it would be a problem for me?" she asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "You heard how I was with Sasha-"
"Yeah, but it’s different," I replied. "He’s not – I mean-"
"If you think I would let that impact who I would let around my kid, you’ve got another thing coming," she replied, shaking her head. "I care about you, Avda. And, yeah, I care about Sasha too. And none of that is impacted by the fact you’re into guys. Why would you think that? What have I done to give you that impression?"
I lowered my gaze down, her words stinging. Well...honestly, it hadn’t been her. Nothing she had done, nothing she had said, had told me that she would give a damn about who I was into.
"It’s not me, is it?" she asked softly, as though able to read my mind. I shook my head.
"It’s not you," I confessed. "My...my parents. They were always so against guys who were...guys who..."
I couldn’t even say it, not when it came to myself. I had been so tied up in this guilt, this disgust at myself for even being attracted to guys, it seemed impossible.
"Guys who are into guys?" she finished up for me gently. I nodded.
"Yeah," I agreed. "They never came out and told me outright, but I could tell from the way they talked about it. Like anyone who was like that couldn’t be trusted. Like they were out to harm people. Especially kids."
"That’s fucked," she muttered, her eyes wide as she took it in. "You don’t believe that, do you?"
I shrugged.
"I guess so," I replied.
"Then you’re wrong," she told me firmly. "You know how much Kyra adores you? She’s been asking about you all the time, ever since you quit visiting. I know she wants to see you again. And she’s not the kind of kid who just plays nice with everyone. If she says she wants to see you, then she does."
"And what about you?" I asked her, lifting my gaze to meet hers, still doubtful. "How do you feel about it?"
She sighed, and reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze. Her touch, even for that brief moment, was enough to console me, and convince me that everything was going to be okay.
"Avda, I don’t care who you’re attracted to," she told me. "All I care about is that you’re honest with me. And you don’t feel as though you have to hide anything from me. Okay? I’m the mother of your child. You don’t have to keep anything from me. I can handle it. I promise."
I felt a heavy wave of emotion rise up inside of me as I looked down at her hand, resting against mine. This was the last thing I had expected. I had been so ready for things to fall apart the moment I told her the truth, but here she was, meeting me with such kindness, such acceptance, I could hardly wrap my head around it.
"Thank you," I murmured to her, softly.
