AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Cranky Agnes column #100
“Wedding Cake Is Not a Piece of Cake”
The ancient Romans used to break the wedding cake over the bride’s head for “fruitfulness and good fortune.” I say there’s a time and a place for everything, and a wedding is not the place to smack people with cake, or shove it in their faces, or do anything except admire it, cut it, and eat it. Civilization depends on us being kind to each other, and so does long-term commitment, so a wedding is as good a place as any to give up violence against people and pastry and start playing well with others.
The sun was coming up when Agnes got out of the Defender and saw Joey on the front porch waiting for them, Rhett snoozing at his feet. Joey came down the steps like lightning to help her, although Shane was right there, more than capable of carrying her up the steps all by himself, and in fact she was feeling pretty good, she could make it up on her own. So she leaned on both of them.
“I love you guys,” she said, and they grinned at each other over her head as she went up on the porch to pat her dog, who looked up at her with the same adoration he always gave her. “Hello, baby,” she said. “I’m home,” and almost wept because she really was: Two Rivers was hers, and it was going to stay hers now.
They were almost to the door when Lisa Livia came out with two pieces of her pink luggage and Carpenter behind her with the other three and a large canvas bag.
“Hey,” Agnes said, and Lisa Livia slowed enough to say, “The wedding was amazing, Ag, especially the part where you blew up my mother’s boat and knocked her ass into the basement. If you’d killed her, it would have been perfect.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I tried,” Agnes said. “Where are you going?”
“The Caymans,” LL said, and then leaned in and whispered, “Carpenter tossed Brenda’s boat before it blew up and found the numbers to her account. I’m going to go find my money, but I’ll be back. Save Venus for me.”
She kissed Agnes’s cheek and then went down the path toward Maria’s pink Mustang.
Agnes watched Carpenter load the pink luggage and the canvas bag in the trunk. “Where did she get the money for a ticket to the Caymans?” She looked at Joey, who kept his arm around her, as if she’d fall down if he wasn’t there.
“You want to go upstairs and rest,” he said, concern in his voice. “You got the place to yourself now, it’ll be quiet, you can sleep. Maria and Palmer left on their honeymoon, but they said they’d be back in two weeks. Frankie sent his love but he had someplace he had to be.”
“Testifying,” Agnes said, watching Carpenter kiss LL good-bye. “No,” Joey said, and Agnes looked at Shane. “Nobody to testify against,” Shane said. “Nobody to testify for.”
“So, he just left?” Agnes said.
“Yeah,” Joey said, looking at her with worry in his eyes. “Shane said you were okay when he called, but... you okay?”
Agnes nodded. “Concussion and loss of blood. I’ll be fine. Brenda’s in traction, but they have nice hospitals in the prison psych wards, which she’s going to hate. I hear you stay there a long time when you murder somebody and then hit a cop who stays alive to testify.”
Joey snorted. “Hammond. That’ll teach him.”
Lisa Livia honked, and Agnes waved as she drove away, feeling bereft but not too much. She’d be back. They’ll all come back, she thought.
Joey waved and then looked past Agnes to Shane, tightening his arm around her. “You take care of my little Agnes.”
“That’s what I came for,” Shane said, and Joey let go of her.
“I’ll be back out tomorrow for dinner,” he said, and went down the steps, nodding to Carpenter as he passed him on his way up.
“How are you?” Carpenter said to Agnes, meaning every word.
“Good,” Agnes said. “I am good. Well, I have to write my column this afternoon but ...”
“Everything is fine here,” Carpenter said. “Garth has everything under control.”
“Amazing,” Agnes said.
Carpenter nodded. “I have to go to Washington for a few days. They need a cleaner. Different kind of cleaning than I’m used to, but nothing I can’t handle.”
“You’re taking Wilson’s place,” Shane said.
“We’ll see.” Carpenter smiled. “Stay centered.”
“Hard not to here,” Shane said. “You’ll be back?”
“Yes,” Carpenter said.
