Page 82 of Under His Guard

I want to stay home and have a day with Luke. He seemed way more freaked out about that nightmare than he wanted let on.

But I know better than to push him. He just clams up.

When I get in to work, I go to check the board to see what’s on the schedule for the day, and that’s when I remember we have the high-risk pediatric ventricle repair.

Everyone has been talking about this one for a long while. The kid has a hole in his heart, and it’s not looking good.

If we can’t repair it today, he won’t make it. And worse, the surgery is extremely risky.

It’s labor and time intensive, and there’s a very good chance his body won’t handle the anesthesia or the procedure itself very well.

There is no good answer for this one. No clear direction that will be a guaranteed or at least likely win.

It’s all up in the air.

And it’s a child.

I sigh. I’ve been dreading this day, and Luke did, in fact, do a good enough job distracting me that I actually forgot it was coming up so soon.

I want to go back there, to where the pain doesn’t exist.

To where I’m not scared—of so many things.

“Hey, Dr. Stewart.” I see Melody sitting behind the desk today, and she offers a sympathetic smile as I turn away from the board.

“Hi, Mel.”

“Are you worried about the surgery today?”

She furrows her brows, and if anyone else had said it, I wouldn’t have taken the pity. I hate that shit, and it’s not me anyone should feel bad for over the procedure.

But I know Melody isn’t trying to throw around platitudes or just say something because she thinks she should.

She’s this innocent young woman, and I know she’s actually trying to help.

“Yes.” I nod. “I am. There’s not a good chance going in, and that…sucks.”

Melody’s eyes fall to the desk before flicking back up to me with a youthful hope touching her deep brown gaze.

“At least you’ll have Dr. Carter there. She’s amazing. She always gives it her all.”

With a smile, I nod in agreement. I know a lot of surgeons passed up this surgery because it has such poor chances.

Something like that can tank a doctor’s success stats, which can look bad when you’re trying to get money and attention.

Risky surgeries are necessary, of course, but some physicians aren’t truly in this career to help people, not really.

They want the money, the clout, the prestige.

And I’m not above saying I resent them for that.

People need us, need our skills. Trying to make a buck off these situations feels…wrong.

It’s why I am glad to have Linda with me. She’s a genuine, kind human being.

Linda took me under her wing right away, and she offered the kind of mentorship and compassion that turns a nervous med student into a successful doctor.

I wouldn’t be here without Linda Carter, the best damn cardiac surgeon around.

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