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He looks miserable as he admits, “I was in love with Liz. Every minute of the time you were with her, I loved her. And every minute of our friendship, I’ve been jealous of you. Perfect Bennett Lawson. Top of our graduating class. Teacher’s pet. Amazing at any sport you tried. Flawless with women who swoon all over you. I loved you. You were my best friend, but hell, I hated you sometimes too.”
I sigh, resting my forearms on my thighs and staring down at the floor. The ice is melting and the towel she wrapped it in is wet, but I hardly notice it.
“When we met Liz and she went for you like everyone else did, it killed me. I stood by and I watched the woman I loved with my best friend for years. So when she kissed me, I didn’t stop it, even though I knew I should have. I tried to end it a few times because the guilt was eating me alive, and there were months that nothing happened between us. But then I’d cave, and it would start over again.”
“And the baby?” I find myself asking, my voice rough like sandpaper.
“When you told me you and Liz were finally going to try for a baby, I told her we had to end it for good. She refused. She told me she’d tell you what we had been doing and I…” He licks his lips and stares off toward the window. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
I pause, thinking about that, my eyebrows slanting because I’m not sure how that all adds up, but then he continues, and I lose my train of thought.
“I was in love with her, but you were my best friend and I fucking loved you too. I told her I couldn’t risk her getting pregnant and us not knowing who the father was, and she told me that wasn’t going to be a problem. I only slept with her for another couple of months before I ended it because I saw how miserable you were that you weren’t getting pregnant.”
I look at him. “She had the tubal ligation over a year before that.”
He shrugs. “Like I said, I didn’t know that.”
Interesting. He’s telling the truth. This means Liz did that on her own and not at his request as she said. She’s a real piece of work. Not that it matters now. I haven’t thought about Liz—not beyond her incessant calling—in weeks. Funny. I hadn’t realized that until now.
“And when the accusations came?”
“Liz told me not to get involved or I’d lose both of you. You were already gone to me, and I was trying for something more with her.”
“Why bother telling me any of this now?” And then it hits me. “Liz left you. That’s why she’s started calling me.”
“Actually, I left her.”
Strangely, I don’t care either way. I don’t even care if they get back together.
I stand. “Thanks for telling me.”
He stops me right before I reach the door. “I’m sorry, Bennett. That’s why I came here. I wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry for hurting you and lying to you. You were my best friend, my brother, and I betrayed that in the worst of ways. I know you might never forgive me, but I hope one day you can. And as for Katy, deny it all you want, but you were in love with her seven years ago, and you’re in love with her now. I know you, Bennett. You can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me.”
His words wrap around my chest and squeeze it like a vise, making it impossible to breathe. I open the door and leave, needing to get back to work. Needing to not think about everything he just said and the possibility that he’s right about Katy.
Katy
“This is not going to help,” Keegan tells me as she sips her cappuccino and stares down at her chipping nail polish. “If anything, it’s going to make it worse.”
I lean against the window frame and stare into the nursery filled with all these cute, tiny new babies and sigh. “It’s fine. I like being here. I like seeing them.” Weirdly, every time I’ve come down here, it’s kept me grounded and focused on my goals. Even if it does sting. “Besides, I wanted to bring you your favorite cappuccino and see you since it’s been days. It’s not my fault this is where you live.”
“But you’re off now. You should go home and rest. Get some sleep.”
“Stop trying to get rid of me or I won’t bring you coffee again.”
She takes a sip. “I love you and your coffee. But I’m also going to nag you like your stepmother when you don’t take care of yourself. Speaking of, are you having dinner with Callan and Layla tonight? They’re finally back, right?”
“Yes. They just got back from Europe the other day. Actually, I think Uncle Cal is working today. I’ll leave in a minute. I want to watch the babies and catch up. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Because you haven’t. We’ve all been busy, but you’re extra busy right now.”
I can feel her eyebrows bouncing suggestively at me, but I pretend not to notice.
It’s been a weird two months. Weird because I’m still living at Bennett’s and only my family knows about it. Weird because he and I are freaking roommates who have sex constantly for procreation, though eighty percent of it is not for procreation at all, and the sex is wild and hot and occasionally a bit kinky.
We’ve been trying like rabbits in spring and so far, nada.
I’m set to get my period in three days, and the test we took last night before I came into work was negative. I’m sluggish to go home because if I go home, I’ll be tempted, and I don’t want to see another negative one. Not to mention, I promised Bennett I’d never pee on a stick without him, and he’s at work now. I told him we’d do it tonight when we get home from dinner with Callan and Layla.
