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There is no fucking Katy out of my system. She is my system.
Doesn’t she know she has to take care of herself? That I can’t lose her?
I swallow thickly at that.
I walked away from Liz without a second thought or hesitation. But seeing Katy pass out, seeing her on the ground, imagining the worst… I don’t want to lose Katy. Not ever. The thought makes it feel like someone is reaching inside and slicing out my organs one by one. I survived letting Liz go, but I don’t think I’d survive letting Katy go a second time.
It’s been over three weeks since Cayden left. Three goddamn weeks of trying not to think about what he said to me about her. I told myself he was wrong and that he only said that to get a rise out of me and nothing more. That liking Katy as much as I do isn’t the same as loving her. But the truth is, I’ve been lying to myself longer than that. Since Katy and I started this.
Months of pretending I don’t think about her all the time. Months of pretending that she hasn’t just turned my world upside down, she’s become it.
But I can’t pretend anymore. Not as the truth slams into me with the force of a bullet.
I love Katy. I’m totally, wildly, head over heels in love with her. She makes me want things I swore I’d never want again.
I knew Katy would own my ass. I had a suspicion I’d be in trouble if I didn’t lock myself down. But I never expected this. I never expected to feel this way again. I didn’t think I had it in me.
I thought Liz had ruined me, but the truth is, it’s Katy who did that. Long before anyone else came into the picture. Katy, my beautiful, sweet, incredible girl, is on her way to the emergency room with a life-threateningly low blood sugar, and I need to be there with her.
“Wow,” Cricket remarks, snapping me out of my thoughts and back on the patient whose life I’m here to save. “That was unbelievable.”
“Yes,” I say lowly, blowing out a slow, even breath.
“I can’t believe how unprofessional Katy is.”
“What?” I bark as I continue to work on his liver wound.
“Well, you wouldn’t see me passing out from a little food poisoning. A real trauma surgeon doesn’t let things like that stop them from doing their job. I don’t even care that she’s a diabetic. That’s utterly disgraceful.”
“Utterly disgraceful?” I parrot, beyond incredulous—and frankly, fucking furious, to the point where she’s lucky there’s a patient between us saving her ass from me. I finally start to get a good footing on the liver, and the bleeding slows. “Dr. Peterson, what is wrong with you? Are you that nasty and heartless of a person that you have to be disparaging about a fellow doctor and colleague who just passed out from dangerously low blood sugar?”
“It’s not nasty and heartless if it’s the truth,” she defends with an insolent sniff. “Dr. Barrows doesn’t have what it takes the way I do.”
Rage bubbles up inside me, threatening to overtake my better sense, but I cool myself down enough to only scoff derisively at her. “Do you want to know what makes a good trauma surgeon, Dr. Peterson? Having some humanity. Something I’ve seen in spades from Dr. Barrows and completely lacking from you. You think it makes you look better to shit all over Dr. Barrows while attempting to boost yourself up, but it doesn’t. It makes you look catty, resentful, and insecure. Now get out of my OR. Williams and Shefter.” I call over to the two third-year residents who are standing off to the side sporting matching owl eyes. “Please go scrub in. I’m going to need your help.”
Cricket is still standing across from me, and you could hear a pin drop for how silent this room is. I likely shouldn’t have publicly berated her that way, but right now I don’t care. I’m too worked up, and Cricket picked the wrong time to be a bitch. There’s no way I’m not going to defend Katy when she’s not here to defend herself. Katy was taken out of here unconscious on a gurney, and instead of giving two shits about a woman she’s worked with for the last four going into five years, she took advantage and tried to use this as an opportunity to play chess with me, and I won’t have it.
“Dr. Lawson?—”
“Don’t make me say it again, Dr. Peterson. I expect better from the surgeons on my service. You may not like Dr. Barrows, and you may think of her solely as your competition, but you will treat her with respect.”
“Yes, sir,” she utters, turns, and walks out with her head high, despite blatantly avoiding eye contact. I hope she’s embarrassed. She should be fucking embarrassed.
I blow out a strained breath and roll my neck until it cracks. “I apologize if I made anyone uncomfortable, but there is no excuse for that sort of behavior, and I won’t abide by it.”
“Don’t apologize.” Tamara, the circulating snorts. “I’m glad someone finally said something to her. She is a mean girl, and I think I’m speaking for all of us when I say I was happy to leave that nonsense back in high school. There is no place for it here when we’re working to save lives.”
“I appreciate that.”
“I’m texting with Margot Albright, who is the head RN in the emergency department,” she continues. “She said they’re working to get Katy’s blood sugar up and that her vitals are stabilizing. She came around for a bit but is unconscious again. She was pretty dehydrated too. Her uncle Callan is there with her.”
Dehydrated too. And I allowed her to stay and see this case because I wanted to show off in front of her and make her happy by allowing her to scrub in on a once-in-a-lifetime trauma. What is wrong with me? I should have forced her to go home. I should have made sure when I came in this morning after not seeing her all night that she had been taking care of herself.
April, the nurse on my right laughs interrupting my self-misery. “I’m sure half the hospital will be down there once word gets out. You know she has like twenty cousins, uncles, and aunts who work here in some capacity or another. That’s not even an exaggeration.”
My lips twitch behind my mask, and I’m relieved no one can see it.
“Let’s hope Zane doesn’t find out until they discharge her. That man is relentless with her.”
