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“Kayla,” Lionel suddenly says from right next to me, his voice cutting through the memories that threaten to drown me. “Are you okay?”
“No.” The word tears out of me like a bullet.
It startles both him and the Carlisle sisters enough that the deck falls completely silent.
Fuck. I should’ve… I shouldn’t have snapped the word like that. God damn it, I need to pull myself together.
Forcing a deep breath into my lungs, I tear my gaze from the river and pry my hand off the railing. While letting my arm drop back down by my side, I turn to face the rest of my group. But I can’t stop my other hand from drifting over to my watch.
“I, uhm…” Fiddling with the strap of my watch, I look from face to face and then clear my throat. “I just… don’t like boats.”
Lionel’s expression changes. Becomes more focused. More intense. “Why not?”
I know that he’s worried. That he can see that I’m not okay. But I don’t want to explain why. I don’t want to tell him that story. But I don’t know how to explain it away either.
Thankfully, I don’t have to. Because Aurora follows up with another question almost right after Lionel has finished speaking.
“Do you get seasick?” she asks from halfway across the deck, her pale brows raised and genuine concern on her pretty face.
“Yes,” I blurt out, a bit more forcefully than I had intended. Then I nod several times too for emphasis. “Yes, I get seasick. And what if some of the guests get seasick too? Not to mention the risks of having an event this close to the water. What if someone drinks a little too much and falls in? We can’t risk that. The boat was a great idea, Jenn, but we really should be looking at something else. Some kind of building.”
The words tumble out of me faster than normal. Lionel watches me with slightly furrowed brows, as if he notices that I’m off my game right now. But Jenn only scrunches up her face in thought for a few seconds.
“Huh,” she says, tapping her chin. “I didn’t think about that. But you’re right. We won’t have any insurance to cover it if someone drops something expensive in the water or, like you said, falls in.”
“Yeah, so we should probably…” I motion towards the street.
Jenn nods, looking thoughtful.
“Well, luckily for you,” Aurora begins with a bright grin. “I have another location for us to check out too.”
“Great,” I reply, again a bit too quickly. But I cover it with a forced smile as I motion for us all to get off this damn boat. “Then let’s go.”
Aurora is practically skipping as she hurries to catch up with Jenn. She elbows her sister in the ribs while teasing her about how her idea is so much better.
With my heart still slamming in my chest, I walk as quickly as possible across the deck. Lionel falls in beside me.
His gray eyes are full of worry as he searches my face. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I reply. Then I realize that I’m fiddling with my watch again, so I force myself to let my hands drop back to my sides. Painting a smile on my face, I turn to meet Lionel’s eyes. “Yes, I’m fine.”
He holds my gaze for another few seconds. But then he thankfully just nods. “Alright.”
I nod too.
Jace, who was standing right by the entrance to the yacht while we were on it, discreetly moves farther away as we reach the street.
My heart aches and my body feels numb. And I suddenly want Jace right next to me instead. I want his warm body beside me. I want to see his easy smile. His brown eyes that always sparkle with so much life.
But I don’t know how to tell him that.
So in the end, I just follow Aurora towards the next venue location in silence. My fingers fiddle with my watch. And lifeless blue eyes continue floating before my vision.
30
JACE
Ascream shatters through the night. I’m out of bed and halfway through the apartment with a gun in my hand before the sound of it has even finished echoing off the walls. I snap my gaze around the kitchen and living room while I run, but everything is dark and still and completely undisturbed. As is the front door.
