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“It seems you are a little bit of a rookie when it comes to matters of the heart.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“Nobody is, but I never want to guess with you. Ever. And unfortunately, that’s all I seem to do because you’re a closed book. I want in, Alistair. I know it’s hard to open up when that isn’t who you are, but shutting me out won’t cut it.”
“I’m going to try harder. I know I’m a moody prick, and I never say the right things, but I know we can have a good life together. If you’ll have me.”
“Let’s take things slow. I want to get to know the real you. The Alistair who was a little boy and he grew up to be a polo player. The man who runs an empire but never has time to even read a book — I want to know the real you and what makes you tick. All the things, good and bad. I want to go deep.” She laughs suddenly. “That last bit sounded wrong.”
I chuckle, afraid that I’ll shatter the spell if I do, but I can’t help it. “Everything about this is wrong, but it feels oh, so right.”
“I know. Well, it does when you’re not throwing fits as well as perfectly nice iPhones across the room.”
“They can be replaced. You can’t.”
Her eyes soften. “No more being a douche. And you need to reign in that temper.”
“I can’t help that I’m jealous.”
“You don’t need to be. I’m yours, Alistair.”
“So you’re not leaving?” My heart thuds in my chest.
She shakes her head. “You're an ass. But I’m not leaving. This also doesn’t mean that I’m going to be a pushover when you want to just go off on a tangent and be reckless. This is how things end in disaster. We have to be honest with one another. Especially given our history.”
I pull her into my arms. “Taking it slow?”
She sighs. “If you even know the meaning of the word.”
My world just got made.
I know that I have to do better. Be better. And I want to. For her.
“I do now, Princess.” I kiss her nose. “I do now.”
Chapter Thirty
Alistair
And just like that, everything changed.
I never expected that I could ever take things slowly with Charlize, but being with her has made me see things in a whole new light. It’s made me better. It’s made me reevaluate things and compromise; something I never thought I was capable of doing.
I guess declaring your love for someone will do that to you. Thinking of someone else’s needs, aside from your own, is a new concept for me. I’ve not had much practice at it, but they say that practice makes perfect, and I hope that to be true.
Charlize went back to her shitty neighbourhood for a few nights after we got back from Gloucestershire, and I lay awake wondering if I’d done the right thing by letting her go. But apparently that’s not what ‘taking things slow’ means. Fuck that. I got my driver to drop me off at her place in the middle of the night, wondering what the hell I was thinking to let her go.
When she answered the door she was shocked to see me. I didn’t text to tell her I was coming, I just went on impulse…
“Alistair, we said we were taking things slow, remember?” Her voice is soft and gentle. All the things I love about her, including her ridiculous smurf pyjamas and bedhead hair. My lips twitch in amusement. It is the dead of night, after all.
“We still can, but from the safety of home. You can have all the space you need to think. I won’t pester you or try to come to your room,” I say, knowing I’m likely to drive her away if I push too hard. I know she wants this, but we have to be sure. I’m a hundred percent sure, but she needs to be, too. “I know we’re good together, but this has to be more about us than the sex, Charlize, I get that. If we’re going to go the distance, we have to know each other, warts and all.”
Her face softens. “That was kinda sweet. Except the warts part.”
I chuckle, pulling her into my arms. I mean every word.
Every other relationship I’ve ever had has been physical. I shared very little with any of my girlfriends or exes. Not like I have with her. Charlize opening up about the abuse she suffered from the hands of her grandmother tore me apart. It made me feel sicker than I could ever imagine, knowing that she’d been at the mercy of that woman has taken me some time to try and come to terms with.
