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She is.
I feel depressed when I get back to my bedroom and I can’t gaze lovingly at Toast. It feels reassuring just to know she’s there sometimes.
If I had my car, I would drive to his apartment right now while I know he’s sleeping and steal her right back.
Ironically, some of my things were also at the Rho Kappa house when it burned down, so even if we knew where my car was, I doubt the key works after being burned to a crisp.
My mom has the backup key, but I would have to talk to her in order to get it. Worse than that, I’d have to ask her for something, and honestly, I’d rather never have a car again. Boston is a pretty walkable city. I can get by on public transportation.
I curl up in a bed that no longer feels safe and wonder where I’ll sleep tomorrow.
But I guess that’s tomorrow’s problem.
___
My school day starts with a seminar for my humanities class. It’s supposed to run from 10 to noon, and since my physics class in a different building starts at noon, I always worry about having time to get there.
The hum seminar always lets out a few minutes early, though, giving me just enough time to hustle to the science building. Today, I’m even fortunate enough to be able to squeeze in a quick bathroom break on the way.
I barely get to my seat and class is starting.
Unfortunately, I sit next to Liam in this class, and since Killian made an ass of himself at the gas station, that is extremely awkward.
I must look as good as I feel today, though, because when class is over and everyone is about to leave, Liam takes his time packing his school bag and asks, “Everything all right?”
I nod, flashing him a quick manufactured smile. “Yeah, fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Liam’s eyebrows rise ever so slightly, and it’s only after I say the words that I hear how they sound.
Grimacing, recalling Killian flashing the condoms when he slung his arm around my shoulders, I say, “Not like that.”
Liam offers a thin smile.
Lying is never my first impulse, but sometimes it’s where I end up to quickly explain away an awkward situation. I’m not great at it, but in a casual interaction like this, you don’t usually have to be. “Actually, I… was up late brainstorming with my friends. The Zetas,” I say, and though it’s a complete fiction, it brings me a little peace.
In a different version of my life, that could have been how I spent last night.
I got invited to join them after rush week and I moved into the big, beautiful Zeta mansion. I never went to the Rho Kappa Halloween party or met Killian or a single Blue Blood, and instead I spent my free time building my own sisterhood with a group of fun girls who probably have movie nights together and their own sense of family.
Like the Blue Bloods, but not scary, and much less murder.
Probably.
I don’t know what sorority girls get up to.
But I smile at my imaginary life, the one I didn’t qualify for.
It would have been nice.
“Oh yeah?” Liam asks, and I remember I was talking to him. “What are you guys brainstorming about?”
I shift my gaze back to his. “They’re hosting a fundraiser this weekend. I think it starts tomorrow night, actually. There’s an auction and the proceeds are benefiting the Rho Kappa guys since I’m sure you heard…”
His expression shifts in tone from picturing me hanging out with the hottest sorority on campus to moderated solemnity. “Oh, yeah. I heard about the fire.”
I nod with matching solemnity. “So the Zetas wanted to help out, and I have a couple of friends that are Zetas, so… I offered to help out, too.”
There’s a partial truth in there, at least.
