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Technically, I didn’t say he couldn’t, but I didn’t think he would given his own situation. What the hell?
“They really do make our asses look good, don’t they?” Cameron says as though that’s a thought he’s had more than once, and something about his candid tone snaps me out of my stupor, enough that I’m able to swallow the bile in my throat.
Jagger shrugs. “If sexy asses are our entry point I can work with that.”
Though I’m still reeling from the fact Cruz outed me, I’ve got enough awareness to know now isn’t the time to get into it. “Fine. You teach me about football and I’ll teach you about lacrosse,” I tell Jagger.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Jagger holds up a hand. “Where is this coming from?”
“You want me to love your sport, I want you to love mine. Seems fair.”
Jagger darts a glance at Cameron before looking to Cruz. “He’s your roommate, you should be the one making this deal.”
“Okay,” Cruz says easily. “I’m down to learn more.”
“Saved by your roommate.” Cameron chuckles. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”
“Want to come eat?” Cruz asks me.
“I was going to order in.”
“Ooh, that’s a better idea. I don’t feel like going anywhere.” He collapses onto the beanbag chair at the foot of his bed, resting his head against the mattress as he lets his eyes fall shut.
Cameron and Jagger mumble, “later,” and shuffle out the door, and with Cruz dozing I bury my head in my phone to study the menu from a local sandwich shop. Once I’ve picked my dinner I pass my phone to Cruz so he can choose his, and while he’s scrolling through the options, not looking at me, I find the courage to confront him.
“Don’t you think you should’ve asked me before telling your friends I like men?”
He sucks in a startled breath as his eyes find mine, the blue taking on an almost translucent quality against his suddenly pale skin. “I thought you said I wouldn’t be outing you if I pointed out hot guys?”
“True, but that doesn’t mean you should announce it to everyone. What if they had a problem with it?”
A tiny line forms on Cruz’s brow, like he’s having trouble making sense of my point. “They don’t have a problem with it.”
“Yeah, but did you know that ahead of time, or was it just a lucky guess?”
“I didn’t think about it.” His shoulders lift to his ears. “I mean, I knew they’d be cool, but I also figure if anyone isn’t that’s their problem. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
Cruz’s brow furrows as he chews on his lip. I hate that even perplexed looks sexy on him. “I guess you could make that case, although I think if I knew how to explain myself I would.”
“You have an explanation. ACE.”
“Yeah, maybe. But can I be ACE if I’m not attracted to people but I can get aroused? Maybe I’m pan. Or demi. And I can only get excited by a very specific person. I could even be aromantic. I could see myself falling into that category since I’ve never had feelings for anyone, which is fine, but it kind of scares me since I think it means I’d be alone forever and I don’t want to be, and–”
Shit, that went downhill fast.
“Hey, okay.” I jump off my bed and cross the room, putting my hand on his arm to get him out of his head. “It’s more complicated than I was making it out to be. I’m sorry. I get the difference between hiding and not having answers to the questions they'll ask.”
I can feel Cruz’s pulse firing away under my hand, but it seems to slow as he takes a few deep breaths. “Whatever I am doesn’t bug me as long as I don’t give it too much thought.” His eyes dart to mine before focusing on a random spot on the floor. “But any time I’ve tried to really figure it out, to label it, it gets overwhelming.”
Great, now I’m not just a grouch but an asshole too. “I’m sorry I pushed you to define it.” I give his arm a soft squeeze, and he brings his gaze to meet mine.
“I’m sorry I outed you.” Some of the color comes back to his face as his heartbeat returns to normal. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I actually kind of envy that you’re so sure of who you are.”
“Being gay isn’t exactly a picnic.” I snort. “I’ve had my fair share of assholes to deal with.”
He chuckles at my lame dad joke. “Yeah, but it’s still easier to be comfortable with who you are when you know who you are.”
