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She’s the only one for me.
So in that spirit, I plan on asking your husband for her hand in marriage in a few days. I think I finally convinced him that I’m alright. And we seem to be getting along. There’s even peace between our families. Isn’t that nice?
Anyway, out of respect, I came here first. I hope you’ll give me your blessing from above, and watch over us as we take our next steps. My heart is in your hands.
Love, your future son-in-law,
Donny
My mouth hangs open as I read and reread the letter. I had no idea he prayed or believed in blessings. I had no idea… how much he really does want to make this work.
My tears wet the paper before I gently fold it back up and stick it under the rock. A part of me feels guilty for disturbing my mother’s things, and another part melted me out of the craze that took hold of me.
Normalcy is just a pipe dream I never truly wanted and only convinced myself I did.
Was I happy when I had a fake persona? No. I was scared and bored. Hell, I even considered laying with my older neighbor just to spice up that horrible life I was building. I belong with my family, awful as they may be.
I hold my belly and cry out the last of my fears.
Life moves fast in the mob world. If I’m not there to help Donny, the little one inside me will grow up without a father regardless.
Then there’s the news of Marco… something I knew deep in my gut since the very first day. I sidelined my thoughts because of my attraction to the Stallion. I’m as rotten as any of these mobsters, whether I cry about it or not.
The clouds blot out the sun as I get to my knees and rest my forehead against her tombstone.
I know in my heart that Marco wasn’t as bad as Donny says. It makes me distrust him.
“Mom, help me,” I beg.
I wait there, and I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen. A clear thought? Some calmness. But all I get is the boom of thunder overhead. It starts to drizzle, and I let the rain wash over me like holy water at church.
I don’t know when I stopped believing. Probably around the time my mom passed.
Thinking of her saying prayers over her rosary beads makes me remember, though. It gives me the tiniest glimmer of faith that she’s up there watching down on me. But if that were true, then my brother is digging up from the depths of hell to pull me down with him.
I spiral, until I think of Donny’s note again.
No man on the planet would ever do such a thing for me. He doesn’t give up.
I should pay him the same respect.
It’s been hours. I ignore the rumbling in my gut from not eating and watch my hair cry for me. I’m shivering from being wet for so long, but I stay anyway, imagining my mother’s embrace.
I lift my hand and see a tall muscular man standing there in a full suit with his hands in his pockets.
Donny.
His love is smothering. It’s everywhere. And at the end of the day, I want it.
I get up and run at him with every ounce of energy I have left, and I crash into his arms.
He takes his blazer off and wraps me in it. “C’mon, let’s get you dry.”
Chapter 27
Ellie
I settle back into my life with Donny, rationalizing Marco’s death as he coaxes me to. I accept that not only am I not perfect, but I’m particularly wicked for marrying my boyfriend’s killer. It’s okay, though, because I’m working to be better. Forgiveness is something that I may not deserve, but I’m going to work toward… for this child.
