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He takes the lead while Khiara stays close on his heels. Rani and I follow walking side-by-side into the streets. The streets are, as always, full of watching eyes, listening ears, and suspicious minds.
We are leaving Dilacs behind. My heart shatters more with every step forward and I wish, with all that I am, I had a better answer.
35
GWENETH
My heart is in my throat for the entire journey. I keep my head down, hood pulled low, and watch my feet. One foot in front of the other. One step then the next. Hoping. Praying. Struggling to hold on to the slightest glimmer of an idea that it will all be okay.
The feeling that it’s all pointless, that I’ve lost all that really matters keeps pressing in and I push it aside again and again. The fight to not give up is almost all consuming and I barely notice when we arrive.
If arrival it can be called. Khiara guides me into a hovel on the heels of Rani. Inside there is a single candle lit that is sitting on a table which only seems to be standing because it’s leaning against a wall. Though I’m not sure if the wall is holding up the table or the table is holding up the wall. They both look ready to collapse.
I pull the hood off my head and look around. There are five Urr’ki in the room, three sitting on the floor, one leaning against a wall, and another standing with his back to us. That one turns at our entrance, a scowl on his face.
“Who is this?” he barks.
Khiara steps forward, both hands clenching into fists, one arm rearing back to punch him. Before he can Rani pulls her hood off. The reaction in the room is shocking it’s so fast and such a complete switch in attitude.
The sitting Urr’ki leap to their feet only to bow so low their foreheads and tusks scrape the ground. The one on the wall jumps forward and mimics them. The one who was growling stares with slack jaw and wide eyes.
“It can’t be…” he says trailing off.
“Give obeisance to your Queen,” Khiara says. “Now.”
The last of them drops into a bow. One of them, I’m not sure which, sobs. Rani looks around the room with a slightly bemused looking smile. When our gazes meet the smile fades, and she looks only worried and tired. It’s only an instant and as fast as I see it the look is replaced with her normal calm control.
“Rise, please,” she says.
The Urr’ki climb to their feet, shifting their weights, shuffling their feet. Finally, the one who spoke first steps forward, but keeps his head bowed low.
“My Queen, how may we serve?” he asks.
“Serve? You have, more than I could ever deserve,” she says, waving an arm around the room. “But I am led to understand that Janara is alive? Do you know where he is?”
The Urr’ki looks up quickly then drops his head again.
“He is, my Queen,” he says. “I will have him sent for, immediately. But you… how… are you…”
He stumbles over words without completing a sentence. He finally stops.
“My Queen, there is no time,” Khiara says.
“No, I am afraid there is not,” she agrees. “They will be looking for me. Quietly, at first, I imagine, but that only buys us a little time.” She turns back to the other one. “Questions will have to wait, for now. I need my General and a plan or my freedom will be short-lived indeed.”
I turn my back on them and move to the wall next to the door of the hovel. I stare through the slight crack out to the streets beyond. My heart aches with an emptiness that simply hurts. Dilacs is all I can think of. The danger we are in doesn’t matter, my mission doesn’t matter, nothing matters if he is not okay.
The world looks drab and gray. People move on the streets, but they might as well be empty. Devoid of any life because what is the point? How did this happen? How have I fallen so hard and so fast for him?
“Are you okay?” Khiara asks.
I startle, not having realized he was coming up on me. He raises his hand to touch me then stops and drops it. I regret that because I see the doubt behind the hesitation. He doesn’t know where he and I stand now and truthfully, I don’t either. I care about him deeply, but I don’t love him.
I do love his brother. More than words. More than anything I’ve ever felt before in my life. Though I never want to hurt Khiara either all I can do is hope he understands. The heart wants what the heart wants. I wish I had more to say on it, but I can’t even pretend to understand that.
“No,” I say, my voice cracking no matter that it’s a single syllable.
Tears push hard on my eyes, and one slips free. I wipe it away, sniffling, trying as hard as I can to be strong, but I’m scared. Is he okay? Have they caught him? Is he being tortured? Worse, is he dead.
