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“We missed you too,” she says even lower before pulling away and stepping into the house when Grayson squawks from inside.
Just as I’m about to close the door behind us, I catch a flicker of movement at the front window of her house across the street. I can just make out the figure of her mom standing at the window, and I lift my hand, giving her a small wave, but she doesn’t wave back.
A whole new batch of worries and fears rear their ugly heads within me. What must her parents think of me, of this strange relationship I’ve developed with their teenage daughter a decade younger than me? The man who hogs all of her free time, who takes every opportunity to touch her, not caring who is around to see?
Does her mom know what we’ve done?
Fuck.
I close the door, deciding to push the worries and fears from my mind and focus instead on the here and now, on the three people who have quickly come to mean the absolute world to me.
Grayson reaches for Shayla, and she hurriedly drops her backpack and breast pump bag on the floor before dropping to her knees on the activity mat to scoop him up. I can tell she’s just as happy to see him as he is her, and it all just feels so right. The four of us together, delighting in being reunited after too many hours spent apart.
She settles on the couch with Grayson on her lap, unclipping her new hot pink nursing tank top I bought for her recently, which she was shy about accepting when I first gave it to her. And maybe I had been too forward, buying clothes for her, especially one as small and tight as it is. But when I saw it in the store, I couldn’t help picturing her in it and had to get it. I came so close to buying her a whole new wardrobe, wanting to spoil her and see her wearing my gifts in her favorite colors, but I figured that might be taking it too far. Among the other things I’ve taken too far.
“Thanks for coming back,” I say, hoping she won’t hear how panicked I was at the possibility she wouldn’t in my voice. I sit with Lainey on the activity mat, dragging over the basket of new toys I purchased with her in mind. Shayla isn’t the only one I want to spoil.
“Of course, I came back. Why wouldn’t I?” She sounds surprised that I would think she wouldn’t. Almost a little hurt, too.
“Well, I mean, after what happened this morning…” My words hang heavy in the air. “You left in a hurry.”
She bites the inside of her cheek and sinks deeper into the couch. “Speaking of, we really need to talk about that later.”
“Ok.” I bob my head, fear clutching my heart at the way she said it, some apprehension to her tone. I plaster on a fake smile for Lainey’s sake as I play with her while trying to push my depressing thoughts away so I can enjoy this time with them.
Once Grayson is done nursing and Shayla has put away her fresh bags of milk in the fridge, she joins us on the floor. Grayson is all gummy smiles for Lainey as they play around each other. She keeps trying to give Grayson her toys, but she’s not too happy when they end up in his mouth.
Shayla stretches out on her side on the carpet, her head propped up on her hand as we talk about her day at school, avoiding the elephant in the room for the time being. She’s so exquisitely beautiful, and if our babies were asleep in their nursery, I’d be sorely tempted to push her onto her back and cover her body with mine. I’d tell her just how beautiful she is and how much I dream about her and want her. And then I’d show her, too, by worshiping her body until she’s screaming my name, begging me to never let her go.
Shit, shit, shit, I have got to stop thinking like this if I have any hope of keeping her from running out on me again. I hop up to make a snack for Lainey and Grayson in the kitchen. When I make it back to the living room with a chopped-up banana and grapes cut in quarters, Shayla’s eyes droop, and she covers her sleepy yawn with a hand over her mouth.
“You ok?”
“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” She blushes the prettiest shade of pink because she knows that I know exactly why she’s so tired. I fail miserably at hiding my involuntary grin, and her blush deepens.
“How about you go lay down? I can take it from here while you get some rest.”
“I can’t. Mr. Heart docked points off my next test, so I need to study and make sure I don’t miss any questions. And don’t you need to get back to work?”
This Mr. Heart pisses me off. If I ever come face to face with her teacher, I’ll be using more than just a few choice words with him. I blow out a breath, trying to dispel the rising tide of anger, and ask, “Realistically, how well do you think you’re going to do if you’re half asleep while studying?” She chews her bottom lip, and I press her again. “I can take the rest of the afternoon off to watch them. Go on. I’ll help you study later.”
“You sure?” She looks tempted when she yawns again.
“Yup. I’ve got this. Go.” I point toward the hallway leading to my bedroom.
“Um, wake me in an hour? I should be good after that.”
“You got it. Now, seriously, go.”
She smiles sleepily as she rolls to her knees and kisses Grayson and Lainey on their cheeks. She surprises us both when she kisses my cheek, too, close to the corner of my mouth, her eyes rounding wide.
I want so badly to sink my hand in her hair and pull her down for a hungry kiss on the lips, but I clench my fists in my lap to keep my hands to myself.
I can’t help but watch as her hips swing side to side, her leggings molded to her gorgeous ass as she walks away. I nearly fall flat, leaning too far back to watch her disappear into my bedroom. I crack a genuine smile, loving the idea that my angel will be napping in my bed, right where I want her every day moving forward.
* * *
I’m a pro at putting Grayson and Lainey to bed now, though I don’t often have to do it by myself. I smile as I poke my head in the nursery one last time to check on them before padding into my bedroom and getting changed.
