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“And it was love at first sight?”
“Not love, but something. Something I’d never experienced before. I was twenty-one and he was older. Attractive. And when he pursued me, I felt special. Tavy never liked him, apparently.”
“Apparently?”
“I just found out the truth about how she felt about him. She managed to keep that from me for a long time. Not that I blame her,” I said. “You tell your best friend you don’t like her boyfriend, suddenly you don’t have a best friend anymore.”
“Tavy held her tongue. Kinda shocking.”
“Right?” I chuckled. “She was right. In the end.”
Somehow, under the starry desert night, at a dive motel off the highway, sharing beers with Smoke, I finally realized I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. About who Knox really was.
“I might not be the reason he cheated, but I’m not innocent.”
“You’re not innocent?” Smoke’s tone darkened. “What did you do?”
I whipped my head around to stare at him. His jaw was clenched and he suddenly looked angry, but I wasn’t sure why.
“I ignored his behavior,” I explained. “I ignored all the red flags even when I shouldn’t have.”
Smoke’s jaw slowly unclenched. “What red flags?”
“His temper, mostly. We fought a lot.”
“About?”
“My job. My family. Tavy. It got to the point where he never wanted to be around my family when they came to visit. Or Tavy would only come over when she knew Knox was gone or out of town. That kind of thing.” I shook my head. “He wanted me to quit my job. He said he made more than enough to provide for me. But I love my work and I wasn’t going to give that up. Not for him. Not for anyone. It was one of the few boundaries I really set. Knox doesn’t like boundaries.”
“I think you’re brave,” Smoke said after a long stretch of silence. “Brave for leaving a shit situation and starting over.”
“Me? No. If I was brave, I would’ve left sooner. I wouldn’t have ignored the signs.”
“Not your fault for being an optimist.”
“How do you figure I’m an optimist?”
“You stayed with him, hoping something would change, yeah?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I admitted.
“You and I have that in common,” he said, an ironic smile pulling across his lips. “I stayed with Tavy’s mom for the same reason. I didn’t want to break up the family. But in the end, it’s what needed to happen. You needed to leave, too. Don’t punish yourself for your past decisions. Look forward. You’ll be okay.”
It wasn’t just his words, but the tone of his voice, the earnestness of his expression. He wasn’t condescending. He didn’t make me feel stupid for getting caught up in the lies and manipulation of my ex-fiancé when it was so blatantly obvious what he’d been doing to me for the last few years.
“Thanks,” I said, lifting the beer bottle. “For this.”
“You’re welcome.”
We both knew I wasn’t talking about the beer.
I pulled my feet out of the pool and stood up. “I think I’ll be able to hit the sack now.”
“I want to get on the road early,” Smoke said. “Like seven-ish.”
I nodded. “I’ll set an alarm.” After I slipped into my shoes, I lifted my hand in a half-hearted wave and then I turned to leave.
It took everything in me not to turn around to see if he was watching me walk away.
