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“Great.”
While we waited for the water to boil, she stood across from me. We were divided by the kitchen counter.
“They’re blaming each other,” I said quietly. “They’re blaming each other for Darcy’s drinking and I just can’t be there and listen to it.”
“This was a no-win situation,” Logan said. “Just because you intervene and tell someone they have a problem doesn’t mean they’re ready to deal with it. Unchecked, you have this—two kids with no parents who are in the hospital. If they even…”
“No-win situation indeed.” I shook my head. “Look, these are just my opinions and I have no right to judge, but those kids are the ones who are losing. Maybe she wouldn’t have listened. But they don’t have parents now. Those kids are the ones who are going to have to live with the fact that there were people around them that knew what was going on at home and didn’t stop it in time.”
A voice came from behind me. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”
I turned on the stool. Rach stood in the living room with tears streaking down her cheeks. “Do you know what it’s like? Do you know what it’s like to have everything you love ripped away from you? If I hadn’t been pregnant when my husband died, do you think I wouldn’t have found solace in a bottle? Sometimes people break and there’s not a damn thing you can do to put them back together.”
My face drained of color. “I know exactly what it’s like to have everything ripped away from me. I know what it’s like to lose someone who loves you so much that you don’t know how you’re supposed to go on breathing. And I know what it’s like to have a mother who isn’t strong enough to be there for you. So yeah, Rach. I know exactly how it feels.”
I stood up. “You know who was there for me when I lost my dad? My best friend. My best friend who sat with me on the bathroom floor during my father’s funeral, holding my hair back while I cried so hard that I vomited. That’s what it means to be family.”
Without waiting for a reply, I grabbed my clutch and marched out of the clubhouse. I didn’t look back.
Chapter 33
There’s a moment in your life so crystal clear that it’s undeniable; it’s the moment you become an adult. For me, it was the day my father died. It was the day I realized my mother wasn’t strong enough to handle the hardships we all had to live through, and that I was on my own.
Maybe I was too hard on her. I didn’t know what it was like for her or for Rach, losing their husbands, losing the love of their lives.
Children lose parents. It’s a rite of passage. It’s natural, no matter how grueling it is to live through. There’s nothing you can do to prepare for it. There’s no blueprint on how to get through it. You just put one foot in front of the other and take one breath after another. And one day, it’s the anniversary of his death or his birthday, and it doesn’t hurt quite as much as it used to. It never goes away completely, but instead becomes bearable because it has to become bearable. Otherwise, you’d just stay the sad curled up crying mess on the floor.
After I got home, I kicked off my heels and laid on the couch. I covered myself with a blanket, including my head, and cried.
I cried for myself. I cried for those children I’d only recently met. I cried for the Old Ladies, who didn’t know how to mourn their friend because of their guilt. I cried for the cruelty of a world I didn’t understand.
My phone rang, but it was in my clutch by the door. I had no interest in getting up to see who was calling. Not even when it rang repeatedly.
It was only when there was a knock on the front door and I heard Bones yelling out that I realized I had to get up.
“Duchess, open the door or I’m gonna kick it in!” he shouted.
I flung off the wool blanket and sat up, but aside from that, it was too hard to move.
“Duchess! I’m giving you until the count of ten. One, two…”
I forced myself to rise and then I padded to the front door. I unlocked it and opened it.
Bones stopped mid count. His eyes swept over me, lingering on my face. “Duchess?”
I flung myself into his arms, the tears coming fast and hard.
He wrapped me in his strong embrace while we stood in the foyer, the front door open for everyone to see what was going on inside.
“I miss my dad,” I whispered.
His arms tightened around me. He backed us up just enough so that he could close the door.
“I talked to Rach and Logan,” he said into my hair.
“You did?” I hiccoughed.
“Well, they talked to me, actually.”
