AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I hope she finds love again when I’m gone. She has so much to share. Some lucky guy will find himself in her path, hopefully not on a bike at a busy intersection, and his life will forever be changed for the better.
“Listen to me.Youare the greatest love of my life. And I’m so very sorry for every unkind word I’ve said out of anger, frustration, and fear. Nothing that has happened or will happen to me in the future is your fault. I credit you with everything beautiful in my life. Being your husband and Astrid’s father is an extraordinary gift. Whether I have five days, five years, or fivedecades left, I could not possibly feel morewholethan I do right now.”
My wife shakes in silent sobs.
“Let’s go.” I squeeze her hand before releasing it and picking up the bag she packed for me.
The entire way to the cancer center, I rest my hand on her leg. This is her grueling journey, not mine.
I will be fine.
We update labs, and a young brunette nurse named Rose walks us through the procedure and asks if we have any questions.
When Dr. Faber discussed placing a port, I declined. So we’re doing an IV infusion in my arm.
As Rose places the IV, Amelia blinks back her tears.
“Baby, you don’t need to stay. Why don’t you take a walk or check in with Astrid?”
She shakes her head, eyes glued to the IV.
“There’s a cafeteria,” Rose says. “The coffee’s pretty good. And it’s early enough that the bagels might not be too hard.” She softly chuckles.
Amelia doesn’t even look like she’s mentally in the same room. Tears continue to fill her unblinking eyes.
The nurse inserts the syringe into the line.
“No!” Amelia lunges for her. “No. No. No …” She rips the needle out of her hand, tossing it aside before pulling the IV from my arm. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’msos-sorry.” She sobs, climbing onto my lap while the nurse presses a cotton ball to my arm.
Amelia cups my face, forehead against mine, while she falls to pieces. “We’ll go. We can go anywhere y-you want in the whole w-world.”
I close my eyes. My heart feels like it’s been permitted to beat again.
“Not l-like this …” Her trembling fingers caress my cheeks like I’m fragile. “I can’t do th-this. I can’t do life without you. Let’s go.” She lifts her head. “Let’s take Astrid and leave everything and everyone else behind.” The pad of her thumb brushes my lips. “I was trying to save myself.” Again, she rests her head on mine.
The nurse tapes the cotton to my arm and leaves us alone.
“I’m sorry, baby,” my wife whispers. “I can’t save myself if you’re gone. I’ll d-die right beside you.” She sniffles. “And Astrid needs us. Live for us. P-please.”
I wrap my arms around her. “Let’s golive.”
In less than twenty-four hours,we say goodbye to our family and a few close friends. The goodbye to my mom is the hardest because as much as I want to promise her that we’ll see each other again someday, I can’t.
The cancer is more advanced. I feel it.
I don’t know if having Amelia and Astrid with me will help or hinder my fight.
I’m in pain.
I’m weak.
And I’m just so exhausted.
Before we left for the cancer clinic, I’d made peace with dying. And I still feel that peace.
But if I’m going to die, I’m glad it will be someplace beautiful with my wife and daughter. It’s really all anyone could hope for when their time comes.
And this might be my time.
