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“Lydia!”
“Fe! I’m tired of your drama. I never thought you’d speak to me the way you did that night in Halle’s kitchen. I never thought my sister would cut me out of her life. Never. But you did. You screamed at me and then vanished. I’ve always known how closely you valued Halle’s friendship, but I was so utterly devastated that you would choose that over me. We’re not best friends, Fe, we’re blood. Did my almost sleeping with Halle really warrant your reaction?” Waving her hand to ward off Fe’s answer, Lydia continued. “No, don’t answer that. The proof’s in the pudding, I suppose.”
“Lydia, I’m sorry. Please hear me out.”
Were pigs flying? Maybe hell had frozen over because if Lydia’s ears were to be believed, Fe Archer had just apologised. “I fucked up! All I seem to do lately is bugger up my life. I acted like a crazy person. I know that now. I’m so, so sorry. The kids miss you.”
“Ah, so you need me back on babysitting duty, is that it?”
“No! God no, Lydia. They do miss you; I miss you.”
“I’ll need more than that, sis. What the bloody fuck happened? I know you’ve always been weird about me being friends with Halle, but I kind of thought that would be left in the past, where it belongs. We’re adults, for Christ’s sake. I can be friends with whoever the hell I like, as can Halle.”
“I know! I know, and believe me, she’s let me know how she feels.” A sob tore from Fe’s throat. “Halle hasn’t spoken to me since the day of your operation.”
“Right. Now we’re getting to the bottom of it.” Lydia just couldn’t let go of her anger. “This isn’t about us at all, is it? Halle has dropped you and you need to make nice with me to get her back on board.”
“No!” Fe scrambled to her feet, taking Lydia by the shoulders. “I swear it’s not like that. I’ve lost the two most precious people in my life, and I can’t cope.”
Watching her sister crumble broke Lydia’s heart and her will to stay mad. Taking Fe into her arms, she let her sister cry. Tears welled in her eyes too as she continued to comfort Fe.
“I’m so sorry, Lyds, so sorry.”
“Let’s sit down. I think I could do with an Irish coffee, too.”
Lydia busied herself with making her coffee. Fe sat back down, wiping her face and nose with the sleeve of her top. “I’m a mess, Lyds.”
“Okay. I’m listening, and I promise not to go off on one. Let’s hash this out, once and for all, because I don’t want to deal with this again after today. We put it behind us, okay?”
Nodding, Fe straightened her body. “I think I have some abandonment issues,” Fe began. “I didn’t realise until Halle was shouting at me, laying it all out. She didn’t hold back.” Lydia sat silently, listening. “You were too young to remember the mess Mum was in when Dad left. I don’t remember him, but I remember Mum crying all the time. She was heartbroken.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You weren’t supposed to. Mum did her best to be strong around us. I caught her several times crying in the shower. At the time, I didn’t see how much that had affected me. All I remember thinking is that I needed to keep the ones I love close to me. I never wanted to feel what Mum did. Unfortunately, that seems to have manifested into controlling people.”
“There’s nothing wrong with needing control.”
“Yeah, but I have this pathological need to keep people in their places, in my head, I mean. If everyone is where they should be, no one will leave.”
“Oh, Fe.”
“I know it sounds bonkers, and life doesn’t work that way. All I can say is I’ve been going off the fears of a young me. I never dealt with anything. I wonder now if that’s why Clark left. I was too much.”
“No, that’s not the reason. I promise.”
“How do you know?”
“That’s a different conversation. Let’s sort this out first.”
“Okay. Well, those thoughts and feelings are why I couldn’t process you and Halle.”
“Meaning?”
Fe fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. “All I could see was disaster. What if you guys got together and then split up? I’d lose my best friend. Apart from you, Lyds, Halle is the only other person who knows me so well. She’s like another sister to me, and I mean nothing by that. You’re a great little sister. I adore you.”
“I get it.”
“But then I worried that if you got together and worked out, I’d lose you both.”
