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Sadness gathers in my chest, but it’s not the only emotion there. There’s also a deep kernel of love, growing brighter, stronger. It grows when I’m with this little girl, with Ruthie. It grows and grows. I only hope it won’t prove to be a cancer, blotting everything else out.
“Shane?” Izzy asks, looking up at me.
“Yes, honey,” I say, trying not to look like I’m having an existential moment.
“What are you going to do for my mother for Valentine’s Day? It’s coming up on Monday, you know.”
“I was going to get her roses,” I say. A play on her story to Mrs. Freeman.
Izzy makes a face that scrunches her little nose. “That’s so basic.”
A laugh rips from me. “What wouldn’t be, Izz?”
“Something with a deeper meaning. Flowers just get dry and die when they’re not in the ground, and that’s sad.”
From the mouths of babes.
“I’ll give it some thought,” I say, and I’m sure I will. I have a feeling I’ll be up all night, giving thought to any number of things, including who thought it would be fun to mess up Ruthie’s dream. Because when I find them, I will make them pay.
After Izzy’s eyes flutter shut, I leave the room and shut the door behind me. I pad into the living and find it empty, other than Ruthie curled up on the couch, her dark hair loose at her shoulders, and Flower lying at her feet. There’s not even much of a mess, other than those suitcases, still sitting out, because the trash from the pizza has been cleaned up.
She rises from the couch, and I feel my heart thumping in my chest as if it’s a wild animal stuck in there.
“I need to thank you for today,” she tells me.
“No, you don’t,” I say, stalking toward her. I consider telling her what Izzy said, then throw out the idea. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, and after the day she’s had, I’m guessing she’s not either.
“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t need to do,” she says, her lips lifting slightly.
“But I enjoy telling you what to do,” I respond as I reach her, my hands finding her shoulders. “Plus, it gives you the chance to tell me to go fuck myself, which both of us enjoy. I feel like I should point out that you like ordering me around too.”
“I do. And thank you. I can’t believe….all this time you were the one who was ordering that stuff for me. You don’t know how much hope you gave me.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” I repeat. “I did it because I wanted to. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of you needing those things and not wanting to ask. It was nothing for me.”
Her bottom lip trembles, and her eyes shine and blaze at the same time. “But it was everything for me.”
She’s made herself vulnerable, and I can see the silent question in her eyes. She’s asking me to do the same. I already feel vulnerable. They’re here. They’re here. And she knows my secrets, all of them. But I understand. She’s laid her cards out and wants to see mine.
I run my finger over her bottom lip before giving in to the impulse to capture it in my mouth and suck. A little moan escapes her. She lifts up onto her toes, and suddenly I’m lost in the kiss—my hand weaving through her hair to bring her closer as our mouths strain against each other. Her lips are so soft, so lush, but there’s nothing delicate about the way she kisses. Because Ruthie’s not a delicate woman. She’s strong, the way Izzy said, and she’s forceful. I love that about her. I always have, even when all of her forcefulness was turned against me.
I tear myself away, panting, because suddenly it’s not enough to consume her mouth.
“I need you in my bed,” I say. “I need to prove to myself that you’re okay. To kiss every last inch of you.”
Her hand flies up to my jaw. “Yes.”
The little dog takes one look at us, decides we’ll both be preoccupied for some time, and takes the bold step of launching onto my couch. I don’t attempt to stop her. I like my women bold.
This time I do carry Ruthie like she’s a princess, and the smirk on her face tells me she notices. “You’re not going to throw me over your shoulder this time?”
“Not this time,” I say, kicking the door to my room open and carrying her in. I turn and close it behind me with my foot, press the lock. “But there will be other times, when the mood strikes.”
“Good.”
I lay her down, and she instantly pulls off her sweater, making me smile. “I was going to do that.”
“I figured I’d prove to you that I’m capable of undressing myself.”
