Page 39 of All My Love


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“Anywhere?”

“Anywhere,” he whispers, reaching down and twining his fingers with mine.

“I don’t know. I just know I want a dog. My mom never let me have one.” He turns his head and smiles at me.

“Okay, so we’ll have a dog and a big yard for the dog. Where’s this yard going to be?”

The fact that he never tells me I’m crazy or stupid or silly for my thoughts makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. “Maine? You mentioned Maine in your postcard, the first one.” I turn my head to look at him, his face directed at the bright stars over head and see his lips tip up in a smile.

“You would have loved it there. The stars, god. You think they’re bright here? Out there it was like you could reach out and touch them.”

“We should go one day.”

“You say the word Stell, I’ll take you to Maine.” I don’t say the word, even though I want to go. I want to go everywhere with him.

But right now, I’m happy here in my favorite place with my favorite person, forgetting the rest of the world.

I lose track of time, my mind blank from anything but the man beside me and the all-consuming peace I feel, but eventually, I look at my watch, taking in the time.

1:32.

Fuck, how have we been out here this long? It’s then I realize Riggins hasn’t talked in a while, simply humming in agreement at random things I say, at stars I point out, thoughts I have. We’ve done very little writing tonight, which is rare, but I think Riggins knew I just needed the stars and the open space, and writing was a way to get me there. He always knew best what I needed.

“You’re quiet,” I say.

“I’m busy,” he says, concentrating on the stars.

“What are you doing?” I ask with a laugh. There’s a pause before he turns his head to me, a smile on his lips.

“Finding the brightest star other than the North Star. That one’s already taken.”

“What?” I ask with a laugh, and his head turns back to the night sky.

“That one,” he whispers, pointing to the sky. “That’s the one I’m naming after you. My little star gets the brightest star.” He moves, shifting so I’m now held by him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, my head on his chest.

“You’re crazy,” I murmur.

“I’m okay with that.” We go back to watching the sky before I speak in quiet wonder.

“Look, a shooting star,” I whisper. “That one. That one could be me. Stella, the bright, shooting star,” I smile into his chest but feel his head shaking above mine.

“Never. That would mean you’re running from me. Getting further. I want you to stay put, so I can always find you when I need you.”

“No need, Riggins. I’ll always be right here, by your side.”

“Promise?” he asks, but the word sounds strange, strained even, worry and panic laced in it. Looking over at him, his eyes are serious, worried, though stuck on the night sky. I move so my body lays on top of his, my eyes looking into his, my hands framing his face that needs a shave.

“Yes. I promise.”

“When I fuck up, do you promise to stay by me?”

“Of course, Riggins. I love you.”

“I love you more,” he whispers against my lips.

16 HOLLOW

NOW

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