AllFreeNovel
Share Us
NOW
STELLA
Tangled in the sheets of his bed, both of us naked and sated, his thumb brushes the letter ‘R’ tattooed in a heart on the inside of my left wrist, the one we got together on our wedding night. I got his heart on my sleeve, and he got a shooting star.
Memories crash over me when my eyes finally catch on to the flower on Riggins’ pec, a flower in shades of black and greys on his chest, over his heart.
My fingers trace the lines, my heartbeat picking up as I remember doodling a sunflower in the margins of my notebook, remember telling him I wanted to get a tattoo and him saying we would after tour.
I don’t speak as my fingers trace the dark outlines, a wilted sunflower, its large head tipping down, the stalk straight and upright, drawn down his sternum.
He must know what I’m thinking about when he says, “I got it after I got sober.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he shakes him, leaning in to press his lips to my forehead, shutting me up and forcing me to listen. My hand flattens on his chest, feeling his heart beneath my hand as I do, its steady rhythm against my palm.
Somehow, I know this tattoo is about me.
“Why... why this?” I ask, not really asking a million questions I want to ask. Why a sunflower? Why here? Why no color, why is it wilted, tipping down?
But he knows the way he always does.
“You were always my sun, Stella. The center of my universe.” Again, I try to open my mouth, to argue, I think, to tell him that wasn’t true, but he keeps talking. “Without you, I couldn’t find the light. But I also knew I let you wilt. I watched you wilt all those months on tour, watching me spiral with no way to pull me out. I kept you in the dark until you couldn’t stand straight anymore. I needed this reminder that I did that to you, that I once had the sun, and I lost it.”
“Riggins,” I whisper, but I don’t know what else to say, if I should lie and make him feel better or if I should just let it go. I don’t have to decide because he twines my fingers on his chest with his, pressing his lips to our joined hands, and looks at me, letting me see everything behind the veil that hides his emotions, his guilt and sadness and shame laying out in front of me,
“Sunflowers are amazing, you know,” he says, almost conversationally. “Even when they wilt, their stalk is so strong, they stand straight, like they don’t want anyone to know they’re suffering.” He shrugs like he’s not about to blow my world apart. “Reminds me of you.”
I take in a shaky breath, unsure of how to respond, how to proceed, or how to fucking breathe when he keeps blowing my world apart. I came here to serve him divorce papers once and for all, and instead, I ended up fucking him and laying in his bed late at night, my fingers running over the bold lines of a tattoo he got to remind himself of how much he hurt me.
What am I supposed to do with that?
“Give me a chance, Stell, I’ll make sure you get all the sunshine you need to flourish. You’ll never wilt again, not because of me.”
“Riggins,” I say, my voice low, not sure how to respond, how to move forward, but he shakes his head, presses his lips to my naked ring finger, then to my lips once more.
“We’ve got time, Stella. Don’t tell me no now.”`
His words are so earnest, so pure and kind, that I can’t do anything other than put my head down on his chest.
I can ignore the outside world for another day. I’ve done it this long; what’s one more night?
24 SOMEONE LIKE YOU
THEN
STELLA
“Hey, little star,” a voice says, shifting my headphones to the side and lips pressing to my neck.
My body jolts in panic and eases in the same millisecond, the nerves receding as soon as I know it’s Riggs’ lips on my skin.
“You scared me,” I say with a giggle, leaning and turning so I can press a kiss to his lips before he sits in the chair next to me.
“You were lost in your own little world. Writing?” I nod, my pen continuing to draw outlines on a flower I was drawing in the margins.
“Yeah, and doodling.”
“Doodling?” I smile and nod.
