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The sun has completely disappeared, and her face and our blanket are illuminated by the moon. From afar, I can hear the waves lap against the shore, the rhythmic ambience drowning out the sound of everything else.
“I love that you shared this part of you with me, Ricky. I mean…”
“No. Ricky is good.”
“Thank you, Cedrick. Ricky.” We both laugh.
Maybe it's the candlelight in her eyes or the cloak of darkness around us. Maybe it's the moonlight awash on her face, or maybe it’s the memories and images of our long connection with each other surrounding us.
But my only response is to swoop down low and kiss her, my lips connecting deeply with hers as I hold her close to me.
The kiss takes on a life of its own. I’m lost in her as we feel the warmth of each other’s bodies and the contours of our mouths, gentle and rolling, yet tense and desperate.
I swat away a thought that hovers around me like a fly. This is a contract marriage, and we’re playing a part. I know this might end soon.
But it’s not ending now. This moment is all that exists, no matter what happens.
18
ELLIE
Istare at the minus sign on the pregnancy test, my mind spinning. Two months. Two months of obsessively tracking my cycle, of mind blowing sex with Cedrick, of watching what I eat and drink.
I know that I’m healthy and ready to carry a child. But still. Two months… and still nothing. I know that it’s not uncommon for it to take several months on the first try, even with perfect timing. But still. I’m the straight-A student. I’m used to scoring ahead of the curve.
I shift on the toilet seat, where I’ve been perched for the last twenty minutes. My arms rest weakly on my legs. How is it possible for one single tiny line to cause so much hurt?
The pregnancy test grows blurry as my eyes fill with tears. I squeeze them shut, hoping if I close my eyes, somehow the result will change.
I stand and throw the test into the trash.
“Why? Why is this happening?” I whisper to my mirror image.
I wipe my eyes again, trying to get rid of the evidence of my tears before I go out. I didn’t tell him I was taking another test. I couldn’t stand the thought of him pitying me.
I hear movement downstairs, and I quickly check myself over before going out. My eyes are still a bit red, but otherwise I look normal. I put on some brown under-eye concealer and plaster on a fake smile. Hopefully Cedrick won’t notice.
Cedrick is sitting at the breakfast nook, already dressed in one of his expensive tailored suits, his hair styled effortlessly. I bite my lip, remembering what those strong hands did to me last night making out on the blanket, then later in the bedroom.
“Morning, Cedrick! How did you sleep?” I force my voice to come out cheery and friendly, overdoing it a bit.
Cedrick looks up right away, his azure eyes studying me. I walk to the coffee machine, popping a decaf pod in.
“I slept well. Thanks for asking. Is everything okay?”
I hold in my sigh. We’re so tuned in to each other, despite only being together for such a short time, he can tell. Although I don’t want to read too much into it. He’s used to interpreting cues from patients to read between their words.
“I’m great! Another coffee?” I ask, immediately cringing when I see his mug is full.
Cedrick chuckles, and the next minute I feel him come up behind me. He wraps his arms around my body, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek.
“I see someone isn’t fully awake yet,” he jokes. I sigh, leaning into his warmth, and he turns around to look at me.
“I’ve gotten way too used to sleeping in.” I smile as I look up at him. He places a light kiss on my lips.
“And that’s a problem?” he asks, raising a brow.
“I need to get back into work mode. Start reviewing the research I did before all this. I think I’ve been on holiday long enough.”
