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“This whole situation sucks.” He breaks the silence. My lip trembles, hurt feelings coming back to the surface. I wholeheartedly agree, but words escape me. “But this is nice.”
“What?” My voice strains as I question him.
“You’re not throwing coffee at me.” He laughs.
I snort, “Still time.”
“Were you really going to take a bat to your car?” He questions with such concern.
I huff my response, “Yeah.”
“It’s that bad?”
I take a moment to gather my thoughts. I teeter between being completely open and honest without worrying that this could affect him. That car became what I needed to steady my cracked heart. It was my focus to calm my worried mind when I felt my life was spinning out of control. With her, I didn’t have to worry if Lawson woke up. Or watch Leland’s hollow gaze from his office, where he also lays his head at night. We tiptoe through the days, and at this moment of finally feeling on top of the world, it all comes crashing down. Everything we’ve worked hard for, sacrificed for, is snatched up from under our fingertips. And the person responsible is the man I have given my whole heart.
I love my brother with every fiber of my being, but I also know how he carries the guilt of his actions. I gulp to settle my distress, not wanting to risk any forward progress with his healing journey.
“Yeah, it is.” I tip my chin at him. “What happened to your face?”
“Victor’s fist.”
I sit up on my board and pull at his leg. “What do you mean, Victor’s fist? What happened?”
“As soon as you left, we let go of him. He turned and clocked me and Leland for holding him back.”
Regret fills my voice. “I am so sorry.”
“Why?” He shrugs. I point to his face and Lawson just shakes his head. “Collins, he was fighting to get to you. He was fighting for you.”
I’m baffled by his words. Victor was fighting to get to me. Fighting for me.
“Okay, listen. You have manhandled my life, and it’s my turn to look out for you. I gave him a hard time at first, thinking he was going for Massey. Lucky she wasn’t into him.”
“Still time,” I say under my breath.
Lawson turns my board over, causing me to fall into the water.
“Cheeky, shut up and listen, you brat,” he teases.
I crawl back on my board and pull my knees up to my chest.
“I gave him more of a hard time because he was into you. You’ll always be our responsibility to protect Collins. Even though it was you taking care of us, we were looking out for you. We made sure you got good grades. We loved that you didn’t go out unless it was with Massey. You didn’t give us a hard time,” Lawson explains. “Collins, Leland, and I feel like we fail you consistently. Me fucking up and have this overwhelming need for validation. Those years where I partied hard, you guys were there. Shit, I gave you and Leland the hardest time. Giving up that responsibility is really hard for us. We trust you… we don’t trust the world.”
I sit and listen intently to his words of wisdom.
“I’ll need to add Massey in on this, too. She’s a great listener. These past couple of months with her have changed what I thought life could be like. For the first time, I don’t have to question what I need and deserve.”
“She’s pretty spectacular.”
“Yeah, she took me to her house for dinner. Her dad welcomed me with open arms.”
I can’t help the grin that covers my face. My brother spent years in a weird place in his life trying to heal from emotional wounds. Nights and days, he searched for a place to feel like he belonged. Today’s the first day where he seems content. It’s a welcome sight to see.
He laughs. “We both have someone good in our lives who want to stay.”
“So, do you believe him?”
“Yeah. I don’t think Victor would be so deceptive and then punch your brothers in the face while screaming how much he loves you.” Lawson makes an excellent point. “If it was all business, he would’ve boarded that plane the moment the notice was sent.”
