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I press send before I even think about what a stupid, stupid mistake it is. I look down and my hands shake because I did not want to do that. And now there isn’t anything I can say that won’t make me look like a complete and ultimate asshole. A text comes in before I can do anything and think of an excuse.
Keely: Oh my goodness, I would love that.
“What the actual fuck are you doing?” I ask myself, looking down at the phone, closing the chat before I do something else that is totally fucked up and not right.
I pull up a thread with my cousin Zoey, who is more like my sister. I go to her when I don’t want my sisters to know anything or catch on to things.
Me: Question.
I wait for her to answer my text, knowing she always, and I mean always, has her phone on her. She’s a PR guru, so she always waits for one of her clients to get into a scandal. Sadly, they’ve never had the chance, and she is always left waiting.
Zoey: I probably have an answer.
Me: If I have coffee with a girl and it’s like the worst time, and then I ask her out again, is she going to think it’s a date-date?
Zoey: If you had the worst time, why invite her out again?
Me: Because.
Zoey: That’s a solid response.
Me: I don’t know, I felt bad she thought it was the best time ever.
Zoey: Wow, good thing she didn’t declare her love for you or you’d be having her baby.
I snort out laughing.
Me: It’s a great thing, or I’d probably ask her to marry me.
Zoey: But seriously, did you ask her out again?
Me: I did.
Zoey: Why would you waste her time like that?
Me: If I knew, I wouldn’t have texted you with the question, now would I?
Zoey: Well, you can always cancel.
Me: Then won’t I be an asshole?
Zoey: You are taking her out on a date you don’t want to go on.
Me: But at least I’m not canceling.
Zoey: Yes, that’s much better than you not wanting to be there with her.
Me: Ugh.
Zoey: If you don’t want to be an asshole, go on the date, but then you have to tell her you aren’t looking for anything more than a friend.
Me: That is going to make me even more of an asshole.
Zoey: The minute you asked her out on a second date, you became an asshole. This is just you being less of an asshole. You’re welcome.
Me: Fine. I’ll do what you said.
Zoey: Good man, still an asshole, but good man.
