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“We’re getting him on a plane now,” Max tells Casey.
“The girls.” The words finally come out of my mouth, as I think of Koda and their girls. “How are the girls?” It’s the stupidest question I think I’ve asked in my life. How are the girls? How do you think the girls are? His girls are probably fucking devastated.
“From what I got”—Matthew comes to me and squats down in front of me—“Koda found him this morning unresponsive.”
I shake my head. “I spoke to him yesterday,” I say, trying to make sense of this. “It was Luna’s fourth birthday. He called to tell me thanks for the Barbie Jeep I bought her.” I look over when Abigail sobs, and Gabriella rushes over to her, putting her arm around her shoulders. My hands go to the top of my head. “This can’t be happening.”
I don’t know how I get dressed, but I’m walking up the steps to the plane forty-five minutes later. “I need to call Koda.” I look over at Stone, who hasn’t left my side since all of this happened. I reach into the back pocket of my jeans and pat it, but it’s empty. “My phone?” I say, looking around in a panic.
“I got it,” Stone assures me, handing it to me as Ryleigh boards the plane and sits in front of me.
“You guys don’t have to come with me,” I tell them. I pull up Koda’s name and see the last time we texted was right before the season ended when I asked her about stuff for the kids. I originally texted Benji, but he just brushed it off and said to ask Koda.
“What the fuck do I even say?” I look up at both of them.
“How about you just ask how she’s doing?” Stone suggests. “Or if she needs anything.”
“I can tell you right now how she’s doing. She’s probably devastated and in shock.” I look down at the screen.
“I don’t think you should text or call her,” Ryleigh says softly. “I think she’s going to be overwhelmed right now, and her main focus will be the girls. I think you get home and tomorrow morning you show up at her house.”
“That isn’t the worst idea,” I say, my foot moving up and down with nerves as the door closes.
“Uncle Matthew is meeting us there for the funeral,” my father shares. “It took everything in him not to jump on this plane.” There was no fucking way my father would have let me get on this plane without him. Even if I told him not to come, he would be on another plane right behind me.
I look out the window, listening to the two of them talk, my head swimming with all kinds of questions. My phone is blowing up in my hand with texts from teammates and other players in the league who knew how tight Benji and I were.
We got drafted in the same year and have been on the same team since. Fuck, I was the best man at his wedding. I was there for it all. Rain and Luna are like my nieces, and every game they would come to, I would throw pucks over the glass. Five hours in the air feels like a blur. When we land, an SUV waits to take us to my house. “Are you going to answer your phone?” Ryleigh asks when we get into the SUV. I was so lost in memories I didn’t even hear it ring.
I look down and see it’s Eddie, Benji’s dad, calling me. “Hello.” I answer the phone, my voice cracking, my heart breaking as I think of what he’s going through.
“Hey, son,” he says, his voice heavy, “I just got your message.”
I look down at my phone and pull up my messages, seeing I sent him a message to call me right away. A message I must have sent to him when everything was happening. “Eddie,” I start, my voice thick as I feel the tears on my face, “I’m so sorry.” The words are not enough. “What can I do to help?”
“We just left the funeral home…” He tries to hide his sobs. “I just left Koda at home.”
I put my head back on the headrest, closing my eyes. “How is she doing?”
“She’s a fucking rock—” he says, but then his voice goes lower. “I think she’s in shock.”
“I wanted to go see her and the girls.” I look out the window at the streetlights passing me by in a blur. “I’m on my way home now, but it’ll be after eleven.”
“She just took something to try to sleep. The girls are in bed with her,” he relays softly, “but it would be good if you came tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there as soon as you tell me I can be there,” I tell him. Fuck, I would sleep outside the house if I had to.
“Come around nine. We should all be at her house by then. I know Coach and a couple of the other guys will be coming in the afternoon.”
“Okay.” I inhale. “I’ll see you then.” I disconnect the line and look over at Ryleigh, who has her head on Stone’s shoulder. My father sits next to me, watching me more than anything else.
We pull up in my driveway, and I feel like I’m a robot just going through the motions. I dump my bags in the closet and take a shower. The whole night, I don’t sleep, not one wink, the guilt starting to sink in.
At six o’clock, I finally get out of bed and make my way downstairs to make coffee. “Having trouble sleeping?” my father asks three minutes after I’ve gone to the kitchen. I just nod. “Do you want me to come with you?” The lump in my throat feels like it’s clogging my breathing. All I can do is shake my head. “I’ll drive you, wait for you in the car.”
“I got it, Dad,” I assure him, and all he does is look at me. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink all night. I go upstairs and get ready. Stone and Ryleigh haven’t woken up by the time I leave at eight thirty to make my way to Benji’s house.
My eyes feel like little pieces of sand are stuck under my eyelids as I walk up the four steps to the brown front door. I reach out, pressing the bell, hearing footsteps running to the door. “It’s Uncle Christopher!” Rain shouts from inside the house. “I saw out the window.” The door unlocks, and she swings it open.
