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“Lock up after me, yeah?” I say, walking out of the house with what feels like a boulder sitting on my chest.
I pull out my phone and text my father first.
Me: Tonight was hands down the proudest I’ve ever felt.
I send the text and attach it with a picture of the two of us that I took when we were at dinner.
I’m walking into the house when the phone rings. I look down and see it’s my dad, and he’s FaceTiming me.
“Hey,” I say once we connect, and I look and see it’s my mother and my father. My mother looks like she’s blinking away tears.
“Hey,” she replies softly, looking at me, “that picture is going in a frame in the house.”
“I think so also.” I kick off my shoes in the mudroom, and the smile on my face is plastered there. “Tonight was so much fun.”
“Tell me all about it,” my mother urges softly. “I want to know all about it.” I tell her the little things that made it so good. The having dinner with just her, her holding her hand in mine, and being proud I was by her side. Her just being fucking her and being the best kid I’ve ever met.
“Well, now you know,” my father says when I finally stop talking.
“Now I know what?”
“What it means to love someone so unconditionally that you would brave the storm just to keep them okay. You would do things you wouldn’t do for anyone else but them.” His smile mimics mine. “Now you know how I felt when I met Caroline.” He looks at my mom. “Best thing I ever did in my life.” She blinks her eyes and leans forward to kiss his lips.
“Dad,” I say, “I’ll never try to take Benji’s place.”
“Totally different scenarios,” he counters. “They are old enough to keep the memories of Benji with them, but at the same time create ones with you that are totally different.”
“I’ll do whatever they want me to do, whenever they want me to do it.”
My parents share a look and then turn to smile at me. “We can’t wait to see them again. Maybe we could come down soon and visit.”
“That would be great. Let me talk to Koda.”
“Okay, honey,” my mother says, “love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, smiling at her. “You too, big guy.”
My father laughs. “Proud of you,” he praises, and for the first time, I understand him. I give him a chin up and hang up the phone, and then quickly text Koda.
Me: I miss you.
She replies right away.
Koda: You just left.
Me: I know, but I thought you should know.
Koda: Consider me in the know. Also.
I look down at the screen, wondering if she hit send too early.
Koda: I miss you also. Thanks for taking her to the dance.
Me: It’s me who should be thanking her.
Koda: You can stop being perfect now.
Me: Trust me, the things I’d like to do to you now are not making me perfect.
