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The front door opens as I’m taking the roasting pan out of the oven. “It smells so good,” Christopher says. “Wash your hands.”
“Okay,” the girls reply, running to the bathroom while I look over and see him walking into the kitchen.
“Hey.” I put the baking dish on the top of the stove, taking off the baking gloves when his hands rest on my hips. “Did you wash your hands?” I turn in his arms, seeing him smirk. It’s been almost two weeks since our trip was cut short because Luna was sick. Two weeks of him staying over when he’s in town. So far, it hasn’t been much, and if I’m honest, I miss him a ridiculous amount when he’s gone.
“I did not,” he admits, leaning in to kiss me softly on the lips. Then hearing the girls run our way, he lets me go to wash his hands in the sink. Even though he’s been here in my bed when the girls wake up, and he holds my hand when we sit or go anywhere, he still hasn’t kissed me in front of the girls. I don’t know if he’s giving them a chance to get used to him or if he’s just not ready yet, but whatever it is, I won’t push him.
“What’s for dinner?” Rain asks when she walks into the kitchen, wiping her wet hands on her black tights. It was an impromptu night of hockey. When they got home from school, Christopher asked if he could take them to the rink to skate. I didn’t even have a chance to answer before the girls had their bags ready to go.
“Roasted chicken and veggies.” I grab the plates. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes.” She nods, going to her stool that is next to Christopher’s. Something she started doing when he started sleeping over. The four of us sit down at the counter talking about the day, when out of the blue Rain turns to Christopher.
“Were you and my dad best friends?” The question shocks us both. My fork falls from my hand with a clank on the plate. Christopher’s face pales just a little, but then he quickly turns to her.
“Yes,” he answers softly as my heart races faster and faster. “Yes, he was.”
“Was he nice to everyone?” She looks over at Christopher, waiting for him to answer.
“He was,” he says, smiling at her. “One year, when the rookies came in, he made sure that he took them out for dinner and gave them his number.”
“Did you do that too?” she asks, and I pick up my fork, not to eat anything but to keep my hands busy.
“I did,” he says.
“What was the nicest thing he did?” The question is so pure, and I hold my breath. The only two things Benji ever did that were nice were give me my girls.
“He did a lot of things that were nice,” Christopher says. “But I think the nicest thing would have been when we went to visit some sick kids in the hospital, and he paid for the family to come to one of the games,” he shares, sniffling. “He was also a jokester.” He pushes the plate away from him as he turns with fondness in his eyes, and I see the tears are there. “One year, when we were back from summer vacation, I walked into the locker room, and he had taped all my equipment together with three rolls of tape.” He laughs. “And then he shoved little pieces of tape in the fingers of my gloves. It took forever for me to get them out.” He is animated with his hands, making the girls laugh.
“What did you do?” Rain asks, the smile filling her face.
“The next year—” He starts, laughing at himself. “I filled his skates and his gloves with gum.” Even I laugh. “It took me over three hours to chew all those pieces. It was stuck to his socks, and he tried to peel them off, but they were wet.” He throws his head back and laughs. “He tried to shake it off his hands, and one flew in another skate. We didn’t know whose skate until Cole stepped out of his skate and stuck to the floor.” We all laugh at the memories. “It was a good time.” He leans back in his chair.
“That’s funny,” Rain says before she changes the subject, and I see that Christopher has gotten quiet. After all of this, I have to remember that he lost one of his best friends. No matter how much I feel toward him, he needs to be able to talk about it. He’s been so incredible to give me what I need, I somehow forgot I have to be that for him also. I also know it’s time to have the talk I’ve been scared to have with him. It’s sort of the last little piece I’ve been keeping to myself. But if this is going to happen, and I really want it to happen, he has to have all of it.
“Okay, finish up,” I say to the girls. “It’s late, and neither of you have taken a bath yet.”
I push away from the island, avoiding looking at Christopher as I walk over to the sink.
“I’ve got this,” he states from behind me. “Go get the girls settled.”
“Okay.” I put my plate in the sink and walk around him, gathering the girls and pushing them toward the stairs.
My hands start to shake when they finish their showers and get into pj’s. They shake even more when I hear him coming up the stairs to say good night to them.
“Good night.” I kiss Luna on the cheek before walking out and coming face-to-face with Christopher. “I have to use the bathroom,” I say, my voice shaking as I bend my head and make my way to my bathroom.
I walk to the sink, turning on the cold water as my neck gets hot. “It’s going to be fine,” I tell myself, not sure my heart will be able to handle it if it’s over.
I close my eyes, not ready to think about it for much longer before I chicken out again and don’t tell him. I was initially going to tell him on vacation, but then I just wanted it to be about us. About him and about me. Call me selfish, but that is all I wanted.
I unlock the door and step out, coming to a halt when I see him sitting on my bed with his hands on his knees and his head hanging down. “Hey,” I say softly, looking at him for the first time, seeing his face ravaged.
I take a step toward him but stop when his words come out almost broken. “I’m sorry,” he says, halting me again in my steps. “I didn’t know what to say when she asked me about him.”
Oh. My. God. “It’s her dad, and she needs to be proud of him until she’s old enough to know better. Until then, I can’t be the one to tell her the truth.” If I didn’t think I loved this man before this moment, then I would have fallen in love with him right now. Right here, in the middle of my brand-new bedroom that is practically ours since he has some of his clothes in the chair in the corner. Along with his razor on the side of his sink and a couple of suits in my closet.
