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“Thea, that isn’t the full truth. We–” I cut off his sentence before he could finish it. I shoved him, hoping he would shut up with his lies.
“Leave!” I yelled so loudly the walls of the castle shook.
“Please don’t do this,” he begged. “I can’t lose you again.” He looked as if I was breaking his heart. Good.
“You never had me to begin with,” I hissed, hoping that if I said it with feeling I would believe it myself.
“Damn it! Would you stop?” He took a step towards me but stopped when I clapped loudly.
“What a great performance, Prince. You truly are convincing at playing the whole caring guy act, but I’m not interested. After these trials, I hope I never see you again.”
His black eyes turned a dim gold at my words. His angry shadows dipped low to the floor in hurt. Cassius opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it and looked at me like I had slapped him in the face.
“You can’t mean that,” he frowned.
“I mean it.” There was a little voice in my mind begging me to stop, that I was going too far, but I wanted him to hurt. “I fucking hate you, Cassius. I hope my memories of you will never come back. I wish I had never met you.”
His whole demeanor changed. Cassius went from the fearless Captain of the King’s Guard to looking so hurt and vulnerable. He stared at me like I had said the worst thing I ever could. Part of the fire raging inside of me dimmed at the complete devastation on his face. His eyes looked over my face before he turned and left my room without a word.
As soon as the door shut, I let the weight of my words sink in. My chest felt heavy as I realized how mean I was being to everyone. They deserved it, I tried to tell myself. So why did I feel like shit? I could hear a commotion out in the hallway, but I stood frozen in my spot. He admitted to saying those things about me so why was I second-guessing myself? My eyes caught my reflection in the mirror of my bathroom, and I stared at myself.
My dark hair was in wild curls from the horse ride. My green eyes had been replaced by the darkest black I’d ever seen, but what caught my attention most were the tattooed swirls along my arms and up my neck.
A monster. That's what I looked like. I looked away from myself and sat on the bed. What was I doing? I rested my face in my hands as I tried to calm the rage within me. He has been lying to me the whole time.
I shouldn’t be feeling bad because I’m not falling for it anymore. Cassius’s devastated face flashed into my mind. I tried to shake the memory of it away, but it wouldn’t go away. As I paced back and forth, Cassius's words plagued me.
I can’t lose you again.
His words flooded my mind. I needed to distract myself. I went to take a scalding shower, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw my tattooed marks covering my entire body. Why had these appeared? I got in the shower and did everything I could to forget Cassius and our conversation. If my intention was to push everyone away, I had accomplished it. I had never felt more alone.
Chapter 19
All eyes landed on me when I arrived at the cafeteria. I had skipped breakfast after a restless night. Every time I would fall asleep, Cassius’s devastated face was there to haunt me. The talking died down when I entered, just like I had expected it to, just like it always had. Haden stood near Cassius at the door, but I didn’t let my eyes linger long enough to see their reaction to me.
The tattoos still glowed on my skin, but my eyes had turned back to green at some point during my night’s fitful sleep. My cloak was the only protection I had from their terrified glances. I loaded my plate with a bunch of different foods, and I headed out of the dining hall, opting to go sit in the sun outside instead of rotting away slowly in my bed.
I decided on the fountains in the gardens as a suitable spot for my lunch. I twisted through the tall hedges until I found my favorite fountain. It was made from white marble but had small black stones embedded within it, too. They had carved the marble into beautiful flowers that had water flowing from the center of them.
I sat on the wide edge and faced the fountain, tucking my legs under myself. The water trickling down drowned out any overthinking I was likely to do in the silence of my room. Slowly, I ate my food and watched the sun set far off in the distance. Part of me didn’t understand all that happened yesterday. It was like I hadn’t been in control of myself. Maybe that was part of the curse? All I knew was I was an asshole to everyone.
But they deserved it. At least that is what I tried to keep telling myself. But something like an itch in the back of my mind wouldn’t let it be. Cassius had said I didn’t know the whole truth. Would knowing the truth even make a difference? There had still been times when he had acted as if I was a disgusting, pathetic beast. But if that was how he really felt, then why did he truly look shattered?
My exhausted mind tried to make sense of a puzzle that I didn’t have all the pieces for. The trials needed to be my focus, not all of this confusion. If I could get my hand on the witch's bloodstone then I could get my memories and free all of Exile. The soft sound of approaching footsteps pulled me from the confusion in my mind. I waited until they were closer before pulling my dagger out and turning so it was pressed hard into their throat. Haden didn’t move other than to lift his hands to show me that he wasn’t here to fight. I lowered my dagger but stayed ready to attack. He slowly sat on the edge of the fountain.
“I helped save you. Why would I go through that trouble just to hurt you now?” he asked, looking offended.
“You think I trust you or anyone here? You were an asshole since the day we were introduced, and your best friend kidnapped me. Why should I believe you don’t want to hurt me?”
“I was working with Nev at first. He approached me and told me why he was actually here, and I agreed because he was a long-time friend. Cassius caught on to who we were, and I was easily persuaded to change teams after that night I walked you to your room. Cassius came to find me and almost killed me because he was convinced I was working for Cerithia, which I was. The deal was that if I protect you, I live and so does my family.” He looked at the water of the fountain. “Cassius assigned me to keep you safe. That is my only job now.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to him anymore. Cassius only wanted to protect me because they wanted the witch’s blood stone and to keep me as a weapon.
“You scared the shit out of everyone yesterday.” Haden sighed heavily. His eyes found mine, but he did not seem disgusted or scared of me now.
“Good. I want them to be scared of me.”
“Well, you achieved that.” His jaw clenched as he contemplated his next words. “Cassius isn’t scared of you.”
