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“Stop stalking your woman, brother; if she hasn’t cut and run yet, I doubt she will. Her family is here. Y’alls grandbabies are here. You are here.” Turbo says, clapping me on the back.
Looking over at him, the fucker's eyes glitter with amusement. Letting out a breath, I know Turbo knows what it means to me to have Savvy here. He was there when shit went down. He was there when my world fell apart, and I eventually had to pick my ass back up and become the man I am today. He was the one to call me on my shit, forcing me to make the best of a fucked up situation. Because if I hadn’t, I don’t think Savvy would be here giving me the chance she is, because that man. The man I was in the beginning of my marriage to Beverly was a piece of shit.
Those first few years after I’d married Beverly were fucked up. I was fucked up. Back then, I hated Beverly with everything in me. And I made sure that she knew it. I was a prick to her and no kind of father to Bull. In the beginning, I was the worst kind of man. I’m ashamed to say I resented him, my son. I wasn’t even there when he was born and how he got his name. Fuck. I shake my head.
I was a grade-A asshole.
Then
“Gunner, finally.”
I stop just short after entering the room when I hear her voice where my son was born only hours ago. I can’t seem to feel anything but anger since receiving the call that she was being brought to the hospital by Ma. My hand on the doorknob tightens. Taking a breath, I will my body to move forward, ignoring the tone I hear in her voice. I’m not excited about the prospect of meeting my namesake. I don’t feel the need to hold him, see him, or be near him. I don’t want to fucking be here. I shouldn’t be here because it’s her, not who it should be. Not who I want it to be.
I don’t know why the fuck my Pops made me come here. I get the bitch is my wife. Even thinking that shit pisses me off. My hands clench as I walk further into the room, avoiding looking at her. It would only piss me off more if I did. My fucking wife, fuck her. She fucked me with the shit she pulled. She fucking lied and said we were covered. Obviously fucking not, since I’m now standing in a fucking room where she just pushed out my kid. If I had known who the fuck she was, I would have sent her ass packing the second she set foot in my clubhouse. I sure as shit wouldn’t have fucked her, and I damn sure wouldn’t have let her walk away with my kid in her. And now I’m stuck with this conniving, whiny bitch.
The last few months have been fucking hell. From the minute her ass stepped foot into my house after the shit show of a wedding, she set in with her demands. Fuck, running my hand, not two steps into my home. She was on me about what she wanted to change, how she wanted me to change, what she thought of this and that. What pissed me the fuck off the most was when she started making demands of me about what I should and shouldn’t be doing in my own fucking house and with my fucking time. That’s when I knew this shit would not work. That’s when I started spending more time at the clubhouse and as far away from her as possible. As much as I hate the bitch, only when Ma forced me to bring her to the house for Sunday dinner did I even see her. Thank fuck for my Ma. She’s been dealing with her ass for all the shit I won’t. The two of them changed shit in my house, and until today Ma had been taking her to her appointments. And that was fine by me.
When I got the call last night about her being in labor, I was blitzed out of my mind after a patch in at the party for one of my club brothers, Pike. Ma and Pop agreed I should sleep it off, Pop more than Ma because he was in the same predicament as me. As the Prez, he was present and had a few, which is rare for him. Of course, Ma let me have the business about being neglectful, but she doesn’t understand what that bitch did or the situation. She knew how I felt about Savvy. Sometimes, I think she assumed things fizzled out, or maybe she thought I wanted Beverly more. Either way, she’s in the dark about what I was forced into. Even knowing that, it still angers me when she takes the bitches side on shit. Pops, on the other hand, has been with me about this shit. He told me in the days leading up to the wedding to put her up and make sure her needs were met, and that he wouldn’t get into my business as long as the mafia fucks weren’t in his ear, he didn’t give a shit how I handled my wife. I catch him looking at me in a way that makes me think he regrets forcing this farce of a marriage on me.
“Come over here, son, and meet your boy,” Ma says, smiling down at the mass in her arms. “He looks so much like you did as a baby.” She says as she continues to stare down with tears in her eyes.
My feet remain rooted in place. I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do about my kid. This shit isn’t on him, and I know that, but I can’t think or feel anything for him; maybe that will change, or maybe it won’t. Especially not when Savvy… Fuck. My chest constricts when I think about her and what I had to give up. How the day that was supposed to be the best of my life was the day my heart hardened and became black as tar. The day I lost everything. Fuck.
Rubbing my hand over my head. “Ma, listen, I’m glad the kid’s here, and it’s healthy.” I look at her and see the disappointment, but keep on. “He is healthy, yeah? She did nothing to fuck him up?” I ask, spitting out my last question.
Ma's eyes widen, and she looks from me to Beverly and down to the baby. When she looks back up at me, she gives me a sad smile as she rocks the baby back and forth. I haven’t acknowledged Beverly since walking into the room, but at my words, I hear an intake of breath coming from her direction, one I ignore.
“Yes, son. He’s perfectly healthy with ten fingers, ten toes, and lungs rivaling yours when you were born.” She chuckles awkwardly as the baby squirms in her arms.
“Gunner.”
Ignore
“Gunner,”
Ignore
“Gunner, you are going to have to talk to me. I just spent all night in labor with your son. And we need to name him.” Beverly snipes. I can hear the huff of snootiness in her voice, and my lip curls back in a snarl.
Rubbing my chest, I shake my head. Fuck, this is real. I really have a kid with this bitch.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Deciding not to say what I want to say. Name him Chase. Since that’s what you're so damn good at, chasing me, you conniving bitch.I don’t say that. Instead, I say.
“Yeah, call him Chase,” I say coolly.
I look over at my Ma, and she smiles at me in approval, not knowing that the name is a giant fuck you to the bitch. She’d have my ass if she knew the truth of it.
“Okay… So when we leave tomorrow, you must be here with the car to pick me up. The club truck was fine getting me here, but the baby is here now. Also, my medicine needs to be picked up. And you need to talk to my mother about the christening and the party. The family will want to meet him soon. And I need you to get…” Beverly keeps talking, and I tune her out.
For fuck's sake.
Looking over at my mother, “Ma.” My mother is so wrapped up in the baby that she doesn’t hear me until I call her again.
“Ma.”
When she looks up, she looks at me, then Beverly, who is still talking, and then back to me. Her face says it all. She’s disappointed in how I'm handling this. If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t be so keen on getting Beverly and me to work. She’d want to kick her ass, but Ma will never know. I made a promise to my Pops, and I’ll keep it.
