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The smile that graces her face is bright, not at all reflective of the situation. She’s my daughter, and it is hitting me hard. I try to keep my emotions in check. Trying to stop showing my turmoil, grief, and regret isn’t easy. Shit, it hits me even harder the longer I watch her and take her in. Savvy and I had twins. She had my babies and raised them on her fucking own. The emotion that consumes me threatens to bring me to my knees. But the overwhelming feelings of my new reality are interrupted when I hear.
“This bitch is fucking nuts.”
“She’s off her fucking rocker.”
“Aww, hell, another damn club princess. Fucking A. We can barely deal with the ones we got.”
“There goes the fucking neighborhood.”
A cacophony of other comments ripples through the lot. An angry rumble comes from my chest. I don’t look at anyone, but they can feel my displeasure, and that has them shutting their damn mouths as this little family secret is unveiled in the parking lot of my clubhouse.
The memories of that time play in my head. I was a newly patched member. My father, Mad Dog, the former LSMC chapter president, was grooming me to take over the club. I wasn’t looking for love or an ol’ lady, but all that changed when Savvy came into my life. It was Savvy who had me looking at claiming a woman differently. But then came Beverly.
Because of my fuck up, which to this day I don’t know how it happened. Beverly, who was a one-off, and my Savvy, the woman I thought would be my forever, ended up pregnant at the same time. I was forced to choose between love and family, which was bullshit, because it wasn’t a choice. It was marrying Beverly or starting a war. My family and our club weren't prepared or in a position for war, not back then. And Beverly and her family knew it. I often think that's why she chose me. Beverly chose me, there is no doubt in my mind. She knew who my father was and knew he wouldn’t allow me to walk away from her, especially when he discovered her connections to the Mafia. He was a club man. Club before love. Club before happiness. Hell, club before his damn kid. And for a while, I hated him for it.
I loved Savvy wholeheartedly, but had to choose my club over my happiness. I made excuses, knowing that sending my love and child away without a backward glance would leave a hole inside me that would never be filled or repaired. It's been over twenty years. I never saw this moment coming, at least not like this.
Run my hand over my face with a sigh.
A hand comes down on my shoulder, causing me to stiffen. My body relaxes when I realize it is my VP, who gives me a pat and squeeze. He releases my shoulder and turns away to speak to the crowd.
“All right, all right, show’s over. Get back to drinking and fuckin' you nosey motherfuckers.” Taz shouts, waving his arms and dispersing the crowd.
A chuckle leaves me, knowing that my girl is crazy as shit, and I shouldn’t be surprised that she has a little of me in her. On the outside, she's a true beauty like her momma.
Looking over to Bull, he's staring daggers at Bellamy. He, of all my kids, is the one that might take this the hardest. Well… Princess comes in at a close second. Fuck. My gut churns at the thought of dealing with my baby girl. Knowing Taz or I will have to put out fires from the hurricane, that is my youngest daughter. Because when she finds out that I have another daughter, she will lose her shit. I love my youngest, but she is her mother's daughter. And as much as I hate to say it, she’s a little full of herself.
Fucking hell.
My regret for pushing Savvy away ate me alive for a long time. And that's why when I took the gavel, I ensured that what happened to me would never happen again. Too little too late? Maybe. But I took it to a vote to put in our by-laws that if a brother fathers a child, that child will always and forever be a part of the LSMC family. No matter the circumstances, a child or pregnancy would never force our hand as a club again, not while I hold my patch.
My regret consumes me as I stand here wishing I’d fought harder. But what’s done is done. And I buried that pain deep. Even though it may seem I have, I never forgot about Savvy or our kid. But I refused to put her in danger by looking for her or them. There was far more to my decision, and Beverly, my ex, played a huge role in that. Beverly was and still is a vindictive bitch.
A soul-deep sigh leaves me as I look at my son. Of course, he will have difficulty hearing the truth about his sibling's origins. There aren’t usually secrets between Bull and me. He knows how his mother and my relationship started, why I married her and stayed married to her for so long, even though we were both miserable. But this… This secret, I honestly don't know why I kept after Beverly and I divorced. I don't know if it was for him, his siblings, or the kids I share with Savvy.
“Son?”
Bull’s head whips around, and his angry eyes meet mine. “Let's go to my office and talk.” I give him a look that says, “Now is not the time to be defiant.”
“Really, Pop?” He lets out a humorless chuckle. “You want to talk now? Now you wanna talk?” he says.
Bull stares at me, and I can see that this revelation has him reeling. His arms are crossed over his chest, and his face reddens with every word he speaks. I know he wants to say more, but he knows better.
“Yes, son... just... fuck.” I run my hands through my graying hair, looking up to the sky, asking for patience, guidance, and strength. Because this situation is beyond fucked. But I only have myself to blame.
“Well, looks like we ain't needed. Come on, you two. Let's head out. We got work to do and people to...” the girl standing by the SUV speaks, eyeing my son. She then looks at Bellamy and the two men who came with her. When she gets no response, she shrugs, opens the back door, and enters the vehicle without another word.
Pain and Rocket eye my girl, who is still watching me. She doesn't turn her head away from me when she speaks to them.
“Go on, boys. I'm good here. Just a dysfunctional family reunion.” A small, mischievous smile caresses her lips. “I'll be alright. Blaze, I know your nosey ass is listening. I'm fine. I know how you get, but I’m good, bro.” She looks over at the guy called Pain. “Pain, pick his overprotective ass up and take him back with you. If you don’t, his ass won’t leave. Also, tell him his nosey ass will get him an ass whipping. Do you hear that, little brother? Ass. whippin’.”
She smiles up at me. “Right, Daddio, I'll be fine?” With laughter in her voice, she winks as her smile gets wider. “Just say yes, so they can calm their asses down and kick rocks.”
“Family, right?” She shrugs, as if this situation is normal.
Fucking crazy.
Shake my head at her antics. I turn to the guys and tell them she is safe and they can stick around, sit at the bar, have a few drinks, and wait for Bellamy to finish our talk. Rocket knocks on the window, getting the girl’s attention. He says something to her, and she steps out of the vehicle. And I watch them as they make their way toward the clubhouse.
