Page 54 of Finding Home


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Nothing.

“Sin?”

Still nothing.

“Sinclair?”

Her eyes snap up to mine, and for a moment, I see sadness and wariness, which has my brow furrowing in concern. She doesn’t answer. She stares at me like she doesn’t know or recognize me. And I don’t know what to do or say to her. Her face shifts again, shaking her head, and her eyes come to mine.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a baby about all this…” She waves her hand around. “I knew that one day you’d find your father and get the chance to have both your parents in your life again, and it's just I… And then things got crazy, and you found someone, and I…” she says, sitting up in the chair and wringing her hands in her lap.

Instantly, I’m in front of her, crouching down with my hands clasping hers. Looking away from me, I squeeze her hands. My baby sister is hurting, and I blame myself for it. I’ve been such an inconsiderate bitch.

“I’m sorry, little bird. I know Blaze, and I’ve been in our little world dealing with our shit, not seeing what it’s doing to you. I wanted to talk to you before, but there never seemed to be a time. Things have been moving at breakneck speed from one drama to the next. But you… your feelings and what this situation is doing to you are important. If I knew it would be this hard on you, I would have…” I trail off.

Her eyes snap to mine and with a look of horror, her head shakes back and forth.

“No, listen, Sin, we are family. I’m your big sister, and my job is to protect you. Not just your body, but your mind and spirit, too. I may mask my pain with jokes, but that’s how I cope with my shit.” Shaking my head, feeling like a completely selfish bitch. “I’m usually better at ensuring you and everyone else are okay. I’m sorry for being selfish and not considering you and what this has been doing to you. I realize I’ve not been doing too well at my job. I’ll do better. I promise you.” I pause and squeeze her hand. “No relationship will ever be above ours. You are my sister, my ride-or-die, my road dog, and have been since you were six years old. When you hurt, I hurt, and if I’m hurting you, then you have my permission to punch me in the cunt.” We both chuckle because she has indeed punched me in the cunt a few times when I’ve pissed her off. I sit up and pull her to me in a bruising hug.

I'm not a fan of how tortured and pained she’s looked. I'm unsure if my words penetrated, but I hope they have. Her head is shaking on my shoulder before she speaks. And she pulls back from me with her head down. My sister rarely shows her vulnerability. Looking up at her, her eyes glisten, and my chest constricts with sadness for her.

“It’s okay. You have had a lot to deal with. You can’t always protect me, Bell. I remember a little about them, but it doesn’t stop me from missing them. It doesn’t stop me from thinking and wandering… wanting to know if they are proud of me. To know they are happy to see the woman I’ve become.” She takes a breath and gives me a half-hearted smile. “I’m okay. It’s just been a shock to the system… all these fucking emotions. And things, as you said, have been moving, and then the other… stuff. I’ll be okay, big sister. I’m just being an emotional mess. I’m sure Mom will psych me when she gets here, and after that, I’ll be right as rain.” We both chuckle because she isn’t wrong. Mom is all about our mental health. She knows that Rocket and I have a few screws loose. And that Sin and Blaze are emotionally stunted about certain things. And Pain, well, Pain can be a mixture of all of us, and that changes daily.

I stare at her but still get the feeling that there is more than that, and unfortunately, that’s when Taz bursts back into his office, followed by none other than my father, who’s looking worse for wear and very stressed. Standing to my full height, my eyes go from Taz’s to my father's. I can see he wants to say something, but doesn't know what or how to say it. So, putting him out of his misery is the only way I know how.

“Well, ol’ man, I guess you are going to get to make up for your fuck up because your old flame is coming to town.” I give him a toothy smile and a wink. He doesn’t move from the doorway and stares at me blankly. The only reason I know he heard me is the breath that leaves him in a whoosh. No one says anything as we stare and watch my father, whose eyes are intently staring into mine. I hear a creak, and my eyes snap to his hand holding the doorknob. Okay, then. Releasing it, he glances at it, lifts his head, stares at the ceiling momentarily, and then brings his eyes back to me.

“So, it’s true she’s coming here?” he says, eyes filled with trepidation, hope, then resignation and determination.

Holy, all over the place, batman.

I nod, and without a word, he turns on his heel and leaves. And I, along with Sin and Taz, stare at the empty doorway. Taz is the first to move, walking over to me, just like he did in church, grabs ahold of my hand, pulls me around his desk, and takes a seat, pulling me onto his lap wordlessly. Burrowing his head into my neck, he takes a few breaths and then kisses my neck. I twist my body to look at him when he leans back in the chair. He gives me an unsure smirk, then releases a breath and closes his eyes. Today has been one hell of a day for all of us, physically and emotionally.

Taz leans his head back into his chair and closes his eyes when he speaks, “Earlier, I was texting your father about the shit that went down with your brother and your crew to keep him informed and let him know we were in my office. He called for church tomorrow at eleven a.m. to discuss that and whatever else we need to.” Taking a deep breath, his eyes open, and they lock with mine, searching for something before he continues.

“When I went to his office to tell him that y’alls mother was coming here, he said nothing to me. He stood up from his chair and stomped his way here.” Taking another deep breath, I can see the concern in his eyes.

“So, now he knows. I’ve never seen so much turmoil in him. Prez is usually the coolest cat I know. He’s always been a level-headed man who thinks about every scenario and every consequence. I get why he is like that now, fully understanding his past and what has made him the way he is. But since you and your brother came here, he is… different, never at a loss for words, just different. He is unsure of himself and second-guessing his decisions. He’s never been one to lose his shit. And over the last few weeks, shit.” He runs a hand over his stubbled jaw.

“The man is barely hanging on.” He stares at me, then at Sin, and back at me with wariness. “I know she is your mom. I need to know that whatever happens between them, you, Blaze, and the rest of your family will let it ride. They have years to work through and still love each other, which we all know. Their shit needs to be worked by them. It is not for any of us to influence their choices.” he says, staring into my eyes, and I understand where he is coming from. I agree about their situation. I’m concerned that Taz and I may be the only ones who feel that way.

Taking a deep breath, he stands, gently placing me on my feet. Making sure I’m steady, he stares down at my leg with narrowed eyes, and then his eyes return to mine. Again, I’d forgotten all about my leg as it throbbed. Not as bad as before, but enough to let me know I had fucking stitches.

Taz lets out a long breath and twists his neck, causing it to crack audibly. “It's late, and we will have another long day tomorrow. Who the fuck knows what fuck shit is going to happen?” He looks over to Sin. “You, my dear sister, have two options for sleeping accommodations. You can either stay on my floor in one of the open suites we use for visitors or stay with Prez on his floor. Vex and Bull showed Blaze, Rocket, and Pain to their suites on Prez’s floor. They and most of the club have packed it in and called it a night. I received a lovely text from Blaze, which I will not share.” He winks at her. I don’t know what that is about, but I will find out. “So it's up to you where you want to lay your head.” Sin looks at him with a smirk, knowing that neither of us missed him calling her sister. Running through what he said, I turn in his arms and look at him with furrowed brows before she answers.

Wait.

Before I can ask my question, his eyes are on mine, and whatever argument I may have had dies in my throat. “Nope, you have no choice. You’re staying with me.” he says smugly. “I got all your shit, and a prospect brought it to my room. That was a part of the lovely text conversation he and I had before I went to talk to your Pops.” He leans his head down far enough that our faces are mere centimeters apart. “You,” kissing my chin, “are you,” kissing the left side of my lips, “staying,” kissing the right side of my lips, “with me. No arguments.” He stares into my eyes before he attacks my lips full-on for all he is worth and hot damn. If I didn’t know before, I know now this man is, umm, umm, delicious.

A throat clears behind us and has us slowly separating. We are both breathing hard as we stare into one another's eyes. Of course, I can’t let that go. My eyes narrow on him. He chuckles and shakes his head. His eyes move from mine to Sins. We both turn our heads and attention entirely to her, but she looks everywhere but at us.

“So what will it be, sister dearest?” Taz stares at her with a raised brow and a smile. I roll my eyes at how ridiculous he is.

Sin says nothing at first, but I can see the wheels turning. She gives me a wry smile and looks at Taz. “I’ll stay with the boys. I have a feeling you two will be… busy,” she laughs, giving me a knowing look. My eyes go wide and then narrow. Taz chuckles and says, “You’re damn right,” under his breath. Fucker. He pulls out his phone and types something before looking back at us. And within seconds, he gets a response. He chuckles, shaking his head as he stares down at his phone.

Shaking his head again, his eyes leave his phone. “Blaze made an executive decision about where you were staying and already has your bags in a suite. You will stay next door to him. He and Bull are on their way down now to show you where to go.”

“Bull?” Sin murmurs. Her eyes brighten and then dim, causing my eyes to narrow.

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