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My heart plummeted in my chest.
I watched the truck pull up the driveway, and a second later, the gate closed automatically. He threw an arm out the window as if in a frustrated manner before shouting that the gate was a piece of shit.
I stood there for a long minute just watching the truck pull to a stop by the side of the house. From this distance, I could still see them but couldn’t make out their facial features. The woman climbed out, this petite little thing. Frankie got out of the driver side and immediately walked over to her, pulling her into an embrace and kissing her so thoroughly I nearly felt it.
I didn’t realize I was crying until the tears slid to my lips and I tasted their saltiness.
They started grabbing grocery bags out from the back of the truck and took them inside. That was my cue to get the hell out of there.
I didn’t bother calling a cab, didn’t even bother deciding where I was going to go or what I was going to do. I just started walking and let my tears be my company. The sooner I got them and this marrow-deep sadness and hopelessness out of my system, the sooner I could start focusing on my future.
I’d been a fucking fool to think he hadn’t moved on. I’d been so wrapped up in what I wanted and my feelings for Frankie that I actually thought he’d still be waiting for me, pining after me.
I was a damn idiot.
Five years have passed. Of course he’s started a new life.
But my future was Frankie. It always had been. So I was even more lost and alone than I’d ever been in my entire life.
I felt dizzy, and I didn’t know if it was because of my lack of eating today, my nerves so consuming, my fear too real, or if it was seeing the man I was still madly in love with having moved on. I couldn’t blame him. What kind of person was I that I actually thought he’d wait for me? It was unrealistic, to say the least.
I closed my eyes and continued to walk, feeling the world tilt figuratively and literally. Beads of sweat dotted my brow, salty tears continuing to track down my cheeks. My life was one continuous joke. I was quickly realizing that.
The sooner I got over this hurdle, the sooner I could move on.
Or at least that’s what I tried to tell myself, because “getting over” Frankie wasn’t something I thought I’d ever be able to do.
16
Frankie
I brought the Styrofoam cup to my mouth and finished off the cheap, nasty-ass gas station coffee. I’d stopped and picked some up to stay awake for the ride home after leaving the laundromat. I’d go back at sunset and start the whole process over again. This had become an obsession.
My obsession was Nadja, and I felt for the first time in five long fucking years that I had a morsel of a hint that maybe she was back in my life.
I didn’t care if logically it made no sense. I didn’t care if my brothers were probably right and I was losing my goddamn mind. If this was what my life was about—going crazy because of the woman I loved—then so be it.
I drove for another twenty minutes before turning onto the road that led to my place. Houses became sparser, civilization fading away. That was the good thing about this place… it was far the fuck away from everyone, just the way we liked it.
The concrete led way into the thickness of the woods, and I was about to turn onto the road that would lead to the driveway when I spotted a small figure walking in my direction. The closer I got, the more I took in the appearance.
Female. Small and thin. Baseball cap. Shoulder-length dark-blonde hair. Bag slung over back.
My heart immediately started racing, and I sat up straighter. I felt pain lance through my hands and race up my arms, realizing I was gripping the steering wheel with deadly force.
It was her. The woman I’d been desperately trying to find again. If this wasn’t a mother fucking sign that it was Nadja, I don’t know how more obvious it could be.
I slowed the SUV to a stop a few feet from her. She lifted her head and froze, and I noticed the way her hand tightened on the strap of her bag. She didn’t move for a second as she stared in my direction.
She looked terrified.
And then she started looking around frantically before going backward. She locked her eyes on the SUV once more, and I knew she was going to dart.
I opened the driver side door, and that’s when she turned and started running in the opposite direction.
