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Her face falls and her beautiful blue eyes go glassy.
“You feel guilty about that?” she whispers.
I flinch. We’ve never spoken about this. Jamie is the only one I’ve ever confided in. “Dad got worse because of it.”
Her eyes narrow and her lips twist into a stubborn snarl.
“Trevor, you listen to me, and you listen good. You prevented disaster. If you had had to look after him here, you couldn’t have run the farm.” She stabs her finger in my chest. “We would have lost the farm, Trevor!”
“You don’t know that,” I say and find it difficult to meet her gaze.
Her voice softens. “You did what Dad would have wanted you to do. Dad would have done the same thing you did.”
My Adam’s apple is bobbing. “Maybe.”
“Not maybe, it’s the truth. And if you’re not in your car chasing after Jamie in the next five minutes, I’ll kick your arse so bad you’ll not be able to sit for a week.”
“I…” I pull at the neck of my sweater, hoping to make it easier to breathe. “I have the animals to tend to.”
Julie crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m here, I’ll do it.”
“I don’t know where he lives.”
“We have the address on our camping files.”
“I would have to drive through Belfast. Ouch!”
The kick up my backside did hurt.
18
The Perfect Cup of Tea
The teabag slowly tints the water. The milk swirls and mixes. The steam rises. I’ve read that mindfulness is a good technique to keep your head clear, and right now, I’m giving my cup of tea all the mind I have.
The apartment is quiet, the TV off, the only sound is the traffic from the road. The occasional car lights flash against the ceiling. I left Adam at his mother’s with the promise to take him swimming tomorrow. I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to look after him tonight.
God, I’m lonely.
If I’m honest, I’ve always been lonely, even back when I didn’t know I was. I filled the gap in my life with girlfriends that I doted over. How can I move on from Trevor? I see the image of his sad eyes every time I close mine.
I startle. There’s a knock on the door.
I don’t want to see anyone right now, but I plaster a smile on my face as I walk up to the door and open it.
My heart stops beating.
It’s not a neighbour asking for sugar.
Sparkling blue eyes hold me captive. “Hi.”
Only a stuttered breath leaves my mouth in reply. I curl my fingers into fists to stop myself from reaching out.
“Can… can I come in?”
I rush to the side, pulling the door fully open, desperate to have him in my apartment, as if he would disappear out in the hallway. His wide frame brushes against mine in the narrow space as he walks past.
Trevor stops in the living room, and my cheeks heat in embarrassment of the small soulless space. It seems even smaller with Trevor’s massive presence.
