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Anya nodded, still deep in thought.
“Why do you ask?” I asked gently.
Oh, her eyes when she looked up at me, I had the strangest sensation that she was about to rip my heart from my chest, and when she spoke, I wasn’t wrong.
“You’re different than I thought you’d be.”
“What?” I whispered.
“My mommy told me she’d be sweet and gentle, and bake me cookies and sing me lullabies when I couldn’t sleep, but you’re different.”
My heart skipped erratically as she spoke, and I wasn’t sure which impulse was stronger—to cover my ears at what she said, or wrap her in my arms and let her know that love came in so many different forms.
At my back, Aiden approached without sound. But I felt him all the same.
“Anya,” he said quietly. “Why don’t you go play in my office.”
She smiled up at me, then hopped off the edge of the ring, scampering off to his office.
I covered my mouth, my eyelids falling shut.
“Isabel …” he started.
I turned, and his voice faded at whatever he meant to say next.
“I cannot even imagine how hard it must be to think about moving on,” I said quietly. “I’ve never …” I paused. “I’ve never been married or engaged. Never found someone who made me want any of that until now,” I admitted. His eyes blazed. I forced the words out, and each one felt like glass in my throat. “Losing that”—I pressed a hand over my heart—“it must have been hell on earth.”
His eyes darted away from mine, his jaw tight.
A group of girls said goodbye, and I waved. Aiden rubbed at the back of his neck, but when he lifted his head, I saw the truth buried in his guilty expression.
“And I’d never, ever expect you to leave the memory of your wife, and what she meant to you, behind. But I can’t compete with the wishes of a ghost, Aiden.” My eyes burned with unshed tears. “I won’t.”
“I didn’t … “ He paused, face bent in a grimace.
I rolled my lips between my teeth and begged him silently to give me something. Anything.
When he met my gaze again, his was untamed, unguarded.
“That’s what makes this so fucking hard for me,“ he whispered fiercely. My mouth went dry because if we were alone, he would’ve grabbed me to him. I could see it in his eyes. “When it comes to you, Isabel, there is no competition, and I don’t know how to make peace with that.”
Without another word, he turned and marched to his office. Before anyone saw my face, I turned back to the ring and took a few deep breaths.
But my heart, oh my heart. I laid a hand over it, tried to calm its wild, furious drumming.
“Iz?” Kelly called from behind me.
I blew out one more breath and turned. “Yeah?”
“These two would love to sign up for a membership. Can you help them while I finish up here?”
At the two girls, I smiled. “Of course. Why don’t you two follow me up to the desk? I’ll get you some paperwork to fill out.”
I went about my job for the next hour, and by the time I gathered my things to go, I still wasn’t sure if I felt better or worse after his admission.
“That looked intense for a minute there,” Kelly commented mildly, watching as I finished tidying my desk and shutting off my computer monitor.
“Did it?”
