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Even beautiful felt wrong.
I remember taking Anya to the zoo, maybe a year earlier, and we watched the panther exhibit for a solid hour. Something about that animal—sleek and powerful, as it paced and prowled—mesmerized both of us as we sat on a hard wooden bench. Sometimes it would disappear behind some lush greenery, but when it came back out, a flick of its tail or a stretch of its sleek, extraordinary body, and my breath would catch in my lungs.
That was the closest I could come to what Isabel looked like.
Yes, she was fierce and strong, but she wasn’t only those things either. As my heart hammered, I remembered the curve of her lips when she stared up at me. They were full. Perfectly formed. The softest looking thing about her when I tried to separate Isabel into individual attributes.
“What is the right word?” my mom asked gently.
“Just say the first thing that comes to your head,” Eloise nudged.
My voice came out as a hushed whisper. “I can’t.”
No one said anything. Neither of them moved. I wasn’t even sure they were breathing. When I lifted my head, they were both gaping at me. The admission still hung there, and I couldn’t take it back. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. More than anything I could’ve admitted to them, it was the most telling.
I’d lost the woman I loved and I still couldn’t think about her without feeling that bruise, and I didn’t know how to wrap my mind around the idea that anyone else could step into her place already.
“Oh, Aiden,” my mom said, her eyes going all watery.
Her reaction set off a small flare of panic, rocking the foundation of this carefully cultivated plan in my head. “All I want is something peaceful, Mom. I came here to make a home for me and Anya, something good and solid that we can settle into. I didn’t uproot our life for anything like this. I’m her boss.”
Eloise nodded, eyes wide. “Abuse of power is no joke. You gotta know she wants it.”
“Eloise,” my mom chided.
“What? I don’t want my brother to be one of those douches who thinks because he looks like he looks he can get away with whatever he wants.” She pointed her finger at me. “You can’t. Be respectful.”
I gave her a look.
“Sorry,” she muttered. “I’m done now.”
“This is why I don’t particularly feel like talking about it.” I stood with a sigh. “Nothing happened. Whatever I might have thought or imagined or whatever doesn’t matter because nothing happened and nothing will. Moving here was about doing what was best for Anya, not so I can start something with my manager who’s a decade younger than me.”
“Oooh,” Eloise breathed, “Age gap. There are so many layers to this.”
“Can you muzzle her?” I asked Mom.
She laughed. “I have twenty-one years of unsuccessful attempts that would say no.”
Eloise ignored us, sighing happily. “I can’t even handle how great of a setup this is. It’s like forbidden looks and accidental touches at work, and you’re looking for a second chance at love even though you’re way too old for her, so she’s all young and hot—” My mom slapped a hand over Eloise’s mouth.
Which I appreciated because my brain went somewhere it hadn’t before.
Beth’s tired voice teasing me that she’d haunt me if I fell for the first hot, tight body I met.
My gut churned uncomfortably at the realization.
“Thank you,” I told my mom. “I’m going to pick up Anya. Can you bring her backpack out to my truck for me?”
Mom nodded. “Yes.”
When she went to grab the backpack, Eloise gave me an embarrassed grin. “Sorry, I’m reading some books right now, and I might’ve gotten a little carried away.”
“Might’ve?”
She sighed dejectedly. My little sister was my opposite in just about every way. She spoke without thinking and felt everything so big and loud, and in moments like this, it was hard to extend grace when the last thing I needed was her talking about abuse of power, and Isabel’s young, hot body, and how I was way too old for her.
“It’s fine, El.” I hooked my arm around her shoulder for a hug, dropping a kiss on the top of her head when she gave me a squeeze. “But trust me, I don’t need anyone reminding me of all the reasons nothing can happen between Isabel and me.”
