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“You give up too early. Push through. You’ve got more in you than you think. When you think you hit empty, that’s when you gotta dig deep.”
He ignores this, probably because it’s so early in the morning, and he’d rather lay sprawled on his back than join me in the self-punishment. “I’m happy for you guys. You’re a good pair.”
“Nah, it’s not like that. I told you and Leo yesterday—I can’t let anything happen with her.”
“Sounds like it already did.”
“Sure, yesterday I got caught up in it. But today, I’m thinking I should backpedal.”
“Don’t be like that. See where it goes.”
“I think making a move on her was a mistake.” I hang in plank for a minute to really seal in the torture. My whole body shakes like a leaf.
“You don’t make mistakes. You make decisions.”
“Usually. But yesterday, I messed up with her. I wasn’t thinking right. I let myself forget…”
“Mia,” he guesses.
I lower down. When I sit up, my abdomen aches. I take a sip of my water. “Yeah.”
“You were a different guy, then.”
“I haven’t changed.”
“Maybe you have more than you think. At least, you’re not the guy you were when we were college roommates. You met Mia not long after that. You were both kids.”
“Man, I don’t know…”
“You’ve grown up.”
“Maybe. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be a relationship guy. Not long term. I like, you know, a good time. A night on the town, a party. And Gwen’s not like that. I can tell. She’s so wholesome, man. She’s good. I’m not, and I’d only hurt her.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I just do fun. The vacations. The hook-ups.”
“That’s only ‘cause you’ve never been with someone worth sticking with… worth being good for.”
“I don’t know if I have that in me.”
“Listen, you’re too hard on yourself. You always are. You’re critical of yourself, and that’s why you work so hard. Stop being so critical. You are a good person to the core. Why do you think I’m friends with you? Why do you think Leo’s friends with you? If you were some heartless a-hole, we wouldn’t hang out with you.”
“Come on. I know you guys only hang out with me ‘cause I have a pool,” I joke. “And a home basketball court. And the dirt bikes, four-by-fours, that beach house…”
He smiles, swears at me, and throws his sweaty towel at my head.
I dodge it just in time. It’s too early to deal with some nasty, stinky towel in my face.
He laughs and reaches for his water bottle. “So, what’s your plan? With Gwen?”
“Pretend it never happened, for starters.”
“Oh, yeah, like that’s gonna work.”
“It doesn’t have to work forever. Just until HR finds me a new assistant. Then, we’ll have some distance. It’ll fade.”
I get up and head for the rack of kettlebells.
