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"My mate died," Kai cut her off, his voice lethal. "Are you asking her to die again so we can save the woman you love? Will you play god, letting my mate die to save yours?"
"No," Asta snarled, teeth bared again. She slammed her mug down on the coffee table. "I'm asking for your help but fuck you. Fuck all of you."
"I can't do it to them again," I choked out, feeling like total shit. "I'm sorry Asta. I really am."
"Some friend you are," she spat, getting to her feet. "Do you think staying here will keep you safe? Do you think Cronus won't find you? Renna's doppelganger found you; I followed her, I didn't lead her here. She knew where you were. Cronus will find you, like he'll find all of us, and—"
"I'd appreciate it," I bit out, shoving off the sofa and aware my whole body was bristling, "if you didn't say this in front of our thirteen-year-old. Thanks," I added, probably a little too bitchy.
Asta seemed to notice Verena for the first time and deflated. "Fine," she said under her breath. "I'll find Renna myself."
"I have something you can use," Wynvail offered, following her out the door.
"Keep it. I don't need anything from you bastards."
She didn’t stick around long enough for Wynvail to give her anything; her boots thundered out the living room and down the stairs. The door slammed downstairs; I listened for the sound of the locks falling into place and Wyn's steps coming back up to us and scrubbed my face.
Fuck.
Just … fuck.
CHAPTER 17
EMLYN
One look at my mate, and I knew what thoughts spun around her head, tormenting her. She was supposed to be throwing knives at the dummy in the middle of the training room, but she'd been holding this knife for at least a minute, her eyes unfocused.
I sighed, unwrapping the boxing gloves from my hands with my teeth and dropping them onto a table so I could wind my arms around my mate's waist.
She’d tried to insist on alone time, but I knew her better than I knew myself; she was stressing, and stressing led to spiralling, which led to self-destruction. So I dropped a kiss on her shoulder and waited for her to open up. I wasn't going anywhere until she confided in me, and after ten years together (give or take a hundred) she knew that.
"I can't do it, Em," she said after a long silence. Her shoulders slumped; she turned the knife over in her hands. "I'm trying so damn hard for you guys, but I—"
"It's killing you," I finished gently when she faltered. I kissed the side of her neck, a luxury afforded to me by the ponytail she'd put her hair up in. "Your friend's in danger and sitting back and doing nothing isn't in your make-up."
"Yeah," she breathed. "But Harvey and Kai can't handle me getting hurt again, Wyn will completely lose it, and you can pretend everything's fine, but I know you're struggling, Em."
She turned in my arms, fixing me with a concerned look that made my stomach jolt and flutter. She saw right through me, and I could never tell whether to be nervous or touched.
"You can't hold all of us together all the time when you need holding together, too," she murmured, brushing the backs of her fingers over my cheek and down my beard. "I love how protective you are, and I love your big heart, but you can't constantly put all of our needs ahead of yours. Forget all of us for a minute; what do you need, Em?"
My first answer was automatic. I just need you. But what did I need? Really? I skimmed my hands down her sides, stroking her hips with my thumbs.
I didn't like my answer. It wasn't straightforward, wasn't palatable even to myself. I didn't want to want it, but I sighed and admitted, "I want this to be over, Hales. And it isn't. I hate knowing the monster who took you from us is out there, a fucking king taking over the world when he stole my world from me."
My breathing came heavier, faster. Haley slid her fingers into my hair and stroked it as I spoke, words pouring out.
"He could come for us at any moment—Asta was right, we're not safe, we're just lying to ourselves. He's a threat, and our safety is just an illusion."
I didn't dare say this to anyone else, terrified to break that illusion, but Haley would stand right beside me and keep up the pretence to protect the rest of our family.
"So I want him gone. I want him dead, and every threat he poses wiped out so we don't have to pretend to be safe. I want us to be safe."
Her gaze was steady on me, full of understanding and love. It helped me get my breathing under control.
"But I'm not allowed to want that," I murmured, squeezing her hips, "because that puts us back in the same situation where we lost you. There's no guarantee we'd win and kill him. We could lose you again; you could lose us again. We lost once, and chances are too damn high that the same thing will happen again. We're all right on the precipice of a very serious breakdown, and only you coming back to us halted it—but it's one bad event away."
Haley nodded, sadness heavy in her eyes now. They were a storm, those eyes—grey with the barest hint of green and blue, full of clouds and shadows. She'd been through enough. But Cronus could turn up at any minute.
