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Ryan
I’m not sure if I can trust that she’ll actually show up. She says she will and that she’s going to divert all business to her CFO, but I’m still not sure. Can she really put away the work for an entire weekend and be with me? I suppose I’ll find out on Friday. If she gets on the plane, I’ll be happy. We can figure out the rest later.
My mother just showed up to the ranch again. She’s suspiciously interested in my relationship with Julia and I making this work. She’s pushing me to keep trying, and it’s getting weird. She’s staying for dinner, and I’m honestly dreading telling her about this weekend. Her energy can be too much for me sometimes, and I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those days.
As I put up the horses in the barn, I take a moment to gather myself before I head inside. I know Mom has been cooking up a storm, and it smells amazing. I sit at the table and take a deep breath as I see her shaking her head, gearing up to tear into me.
“You can’t give up, Ryan, you just can’t.” She puts down her utensils and throws herself back in her chair.
I keep eating like she isn’t in distress. She’s made a steak with my favorite marinade and loaded baked potatoes. Might as well let her squirm while I enjoy a great meal. She keeps sighing heavily, the queen of passive aggressiveness. I’m about to give her the satisfaction of being right, but there’s no harm in making her wait for it.
“Well, Mom, I’ll have you know that Julia will be on the ranch this weekend.”
She sits up straight. “She will? That’s great! What do you have planned for her visit?”
“Planned? Nothing yet. I’ll see if she shows up first.”
“Come on, son. Have a little faith. She’s trying, you know she’s trying. Why can’t you see it?”
“Because she’s constantly canceling on me, dismissing me, and waiting days to answer my texts or call me back. She’s made it clear that her job is the most important thing in her life, not me.”
“Do you have to be the most important?” she says quietly.
I put down my utensils and tilt my head, realizing I’d never thought about it like this. Could I be important to Julia without being the most important part of her life?
“Her job seems to come before everything else, and that’s getting in the way of us being together. I’m not sure how to move past that.”
I go back to eating, taking more steak off the serving plate in the middle of the table. I know she made this meal to butter me up, but that’s not going to stop me from enjoying every bite. Mom shakes her head again but goes back to her own plate as we eat without continuing the conversation for a few moments.
“You need to look deeper than that, Ryan.” She’s done eating, but I’m not. I let her keep talking without a response. “When you two first got together, she was all you could talk about. Now, after a few missed communications, you’re willing to call it quits? That’s not like you.”
“It’s not?” I finish eating and wipe my face with a napkin, “Do you remember what happened the last time I gave myself to someone fully? The last time I let myself be vulnerable?”
“Oh, come on now, Julia is nothing like her.”
“So? Don’t you think I have a right to protect my heart a little better after all that?”
She looks at me with such pity in her eyes, and I’m regretting bringing the whole thing up at all. But she needs to understand where I’m coming from, and she’s acting like she’s all too ready to forget how badly I was hurt before when she couldn’t even bother to show up to the hospital to see if I was alive or dead. She stands up and starts to clear the table.
“Mom, wait. Let me do that. You cooked; I’ll clean.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
“I’m sure. As much as I love you being here, I have a lot to get done if I’m going to enjoy this weekend with Julia, and a few things to plan out.”
“That’s the man I raised.”
She puts down the plate she’d been holding and smiles at me. As she walks to the front door, she takes my hand and kisses me on the forehead. I can’t help but feel warm towards her in that moment, even if she is pushy.
Friday comes around, and I’m nervous. Julia told me that she’d be on a flight out at 7pm and she’d be staying through until Sunday evening. It’s only noon and I already have butterflies. I head out to do the afternoon and evening chores in hopes that the hard work will keep me busy and keep the nerves out of my stomach. We have reservations for a late dinner tonight. I don’t want to mess that up.
As I go about feeding animals and repairing part of the fence on my back forty, I think about the other things I have planned. A moonlit walk after dinner over this pretty footbridge by the creek, horseback riding to a picnic out in the clearing where the trees create the perfect amount of shade, and Sunday brunch at home made by yours truly. I’m hoping that this is our way back to each other.
I want to make this work.
The sun goes down, and I eat some leftovers from my mother’s dinner the other night for an early evening meal. I was up at dawn this morning, and that usually means two lunches, or two dinners depending on how you see it, and I don’t want to be totally starving when we get to dinner later.
I close up the barn and do the last of the chores by the flood lights I have outside for after dark. Before I hop in the shower, I check my phone. There’s a text from Julia saying she’s boarding the plane and she’ll see me soon. I read it back to myself three times. Part of me didn’t think she’d even make it to the airport.
