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The letter reads:
Julia,
When we first met, I saw you as the person I didn’t want to be anymore. All business and executive lifestyle. But getting to know you during our time together that first week on the ranch, I also saw something that compelled me to want to get to know you more. I thought that there was something beyond the corporate image you projected to everyone else. I thought there was something that could grow between us.
But after the countless missed phone calls, the dismissal of my affections, the interrupted dates, and all the ways you made me feel like I was nothing more than a warm body for you to use, I realize that the corporate image surpasses all. That’s who you are, and I was wrong to hope that you could be anyone else.
I know how hard you’ve worked to get to the place where you are today. You should be proud of yourself. I’m proud to have known you so intimately. I wish I could have known you further. I see now that this is simply something you’re not capable of doing at this time.
You don’t know how to let anyone in, not really. Your walls are carbon steel, and you’ve spent a lot of time fortifying them so that no one else can get in. I truly hope that one day you’ll be able to open a door or a window or even a tiny crack in that wall. I don’t want you to live your whole life in that darkness.
For my own happiness, I have to let you go. I can’t ask you to change, and I wouldn’t want you to do it just for me. I want you to choose to let me in because you want it for yourself. And I don’t think you’ll be able to do that anytime soon. I can’t wait in the wings forever, hoping you’ll choose me.
I wish you all the happiness in the world, and my greatest hope for you is that you choose to see it and let it in when it comes to you. I don’t regret knowing you. Or losing you.
Yours truly,
Ryan
The worst part about these words, is that he’s absolutely, one hundred percent, unequivocally right. He wrote this down, committed it to paper with his own hand. He felt so strongly about his decisions that he sent this by certified mail to make sure he knew I’d get it.
I lose. It’s over. There’s nothing I can do about this now. I missed the mark and now I’ve driven away the one man who actually understands me for who I am. This letter proves that he knew me better than I imagined he did.
I call my CFO and tell him that I’m not feeling well. I won’t be in tomorrow, and I don’t want anyone contacting me. I can’t do business as usual after this. My immediate future plans include climbing into a bottle and never coming out.
I can’t believe I fucked up this badly, and I never noticed it was happening.
Chapter 25
Ryan
Parker and Mom showing up was expected. My brother sent me a text, notifying me that I had to go fishing with him today, and he said not going was not an option.
However, I thought they’d give it a little more time before going all full court press on showing their love. They acted like this when they knew I was hurting from being sick and realized I didn’t have any true friends and the woman I thought I loved was nowhere to be found.
I wanted to have some time to sit with my thoughts about this. I need space to get past the closure I put in motion by sending that letter. A notification came through that she received it yesterday.
She’s relieved, I’m sure. This relationship has seemed to be a strain for Julia for weeks, and I truly believe that she wanted a way out. She doesn’t want to hurt me, and at the same time, she’s already chosen her career over us succeeding together. She doesn’t want this, not really, and I gave her an out by ending it.
But was a letter too harsh? I wrote it in my own hand. I didn’t type it and print it out or anything like that. I wanted her to know for sure that the words came from me and not some dictation or possibly a person trying to mess with her. She’s seen my handwriting. So, she would have known just that when she saw the letter.
And certified mail was the only way for me to know that she got the letter and not some assistant who reads her email or someone else screening her texts for her. As soon as I stopped being the first one to always start the daily communication between us, her forced daily check in texts stopped coming as well. If I’m honest, our communication stopped a while back since she was usually working, or I could see her otherwise distracted.
Even if I tried to break up with her through video chat, who’s to say she’d actually hear me when I said the words, “We need to end this.”
No, the letter was the right thing to do. It’s the way to make sure Julia knows that I mean what I say, whether it comes off as harsh or not. I need her to know I’m serious about this breakup. I need to protect my heart from the same shit that’s happened to me in the past. I could already see the path ahead, and it’s leading me to the same place I’ve been many times before. I won’t let myself walk that way.
“You ready?” my brother asks as he comes into the kitchen with a fishing pole over his shoulder. He’s wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, and I roll my eyes when I see him.
“What?” He sounds genuinely confused.
“Parker, if you fall out of the boat wearing jeans, you’ll run out of energy treading water in thirty seconds. And a black t-shirt? There’s no shade on the water. You’re gonna be dripping sweat before we hit the fishing spot, and I don’t wanna smell that.”
“Oh,” he looks down at his jeans, “so I should change then?”
“Ya think?” I put my head in my hand, take a deep breath, and look back up at him. “Go for light fabric, light colors, and ditch the boots. You might as well be wearing cement blocks on your feet.”
“Gotcha.” He goes off to my bedroom to surely borrow some of my clothes since we are the same size.
