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“Five minutes,” I say firmly, closing the door behind me, “and then I want you out.”
22
I turn the lights on and drop my bag by the coat stand. The flat is cold. Nick rubs his hands together to keep warm. He left his jacket at home, wasn’t expecting it to be so chilly. There’s a rumble from the boiler in the kitchen as I flick the heating on. He used to programme the thermostat for me when we were together so that I could always come home to a warm flat. But I don’t know how to do it. I ought to learn really. How hard can it be?
“I suppose you want a coffee?” I unbutton my trench coat as I head into the kitchen.
“Actually, got anything stronger?”
“There’s a bottle of white in the fridge, I think,” I say over my shoulder as I pour myself a glass of water. Wine will go straight to my head on an empty stomach, but I’m glad of the suggestion. It’s been a long day.
“Louise and Gerry are so lucky to have you. Gerry said you’ve been a rock.”
I shrug, necking the water. “That’s what friends are for.”
We move around the kitchen in synchronisation. I pull out a bottle of wine from the fridge, he grabs two glasses from the cabinet and plonks them onto the worktop, just like old times. “Is that a screw cap or a cork? Here give it to me.” He takes the bottle from my hand, opens the middle drawer and roots around for the corkscrew.
At the dining table, we sip our drinks like two lonely strangers in a bar. The sombre mood seeps into my bones, awakening thoughts that were buried years ago. I shake them away. I wonder how Louise is. I should call; find out if they’re okay, if they need anything, if Tina’s shown up yet? I hope she pops round to see her after work like she promised. Louise needs all the support she can get.
“They’ll be okay,” Nick says as if he’s telepathic. He reaches out and touches my hand lightly. I draw it away and curl it into a fist, and his face drops. Well, what does he expect? Hand-holding across the table?
“So, how’ve you been?” He stares into his glass, swishing the pale liquid around uneasily.
“Good. I’ve been good.” I force a smile. “You?”
“Not so good,” he admits, pointing at the yellow bruising under his eyes. “Almost didn’t make it.” He studies my face but I don’t flinch.
“Yes, I heard.” I rub my forehead vigorously as if my fingers will magically rub out the last eight years of my life; then suddenly I feel agitated. The chair scratches against the wooden floor as I get to my feet. I’ve had enough. I can’t be affable with a man whom I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with, a man who was shagging another woman while I was happily planning our wedding, who’s having a baby WITH said woman. I want him to leave. “Listen, it’s getting late. I’ve had a hell of a day.”
“Please, just let me say my piece.” He half-stands and pulls me back down by the hand and I drop into my seat. “I didn’t cheat on you, Audrey.” Here we go, more lies. I sigh loudly, gazing at my nails. “Surely, you know that I’d never do anything to hurt you, not on purpose. And you weren’t meant to find out the way you did either, that was a low blow.” Finally, a bit self-reproach.
“I wanted to tell you. I WAS going to tell you.” I throw a glance at his hands, pressed together on the table as if in prayer. “And this…this accident. Well, it’s changed me. I’m different now.” He hesitates, rubs his chin, eyes fixed on me. I know that look, he’s bracing himself. “I want you back.”
“What?” I say incredulously. He can’t be for real. “Are you having a laugh?”
“No,” he gives a nervous little chuckle. “I’m deadly serious. I want you back, Foxy. I should never have ended it with you.” I shake my head, tell him he’s mad, that I’d never go back with him, not in a million years, especially after the way he’s behaved. But my rejection only spurs him on. “But things will be different now,” he swears. “Now it’s all out in the open, we can get married right away. I’ll arrange everything, you won’t have to lift a finger, and then…”
“No! Stop,” I cut in, raising my hand. His audacity is almost laughable. “I’m with Daniel now.”
He pulls a puzzled expression and bobs his head back as if I’m talking total bollocks. I’ve always hated that gesture. “You barely know him.” See what I mean?
“I know him better than you think,” I hiss, “and he’s twice the man you’ll ever be.”
Leaning forward, he grabs my hands. “I know you still love me.” His grey eyes search mine, hungry, determined, insistent, and for a moment, I feel myself sinking.
We stare at each other, wordless, and then, “Get over yourself, Nick,” I bark, snatching my hands away.
“I know you came to see me at the hospital.” Bloody Ronan. I knew I couldn’t trust him. “You said you’d nurse me back to health.” So, Ronan did hear everything I said, after all. Bloody brilliant. “I know you still care.”
“For Christ’s sake, Nick, you pissed off and left me to pick up the pieces! Another woman is expecting your child.” I comb a hand through my hair, which feels like it’s been sprayed with a mist of treacle. “What do you want from me?”
“That was a mistake. SHE was a mistake,” he insists, “It was a one-night stand, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything.” If this is supposed to make me feel better, it isn’t working. “You and I weren’t even together at the time. It happened during our few weeks apart.” I look up at him then, narrowing my eyes. “The time you threw me out of your flat and told me to do one, remember?” I shake my head, pretending that I can’t, trying to dismiss the sliver of relief that swims in my stomach. “Come on, you must remember. It was the time we argued over whose turn it was to order the takeaway, and you went flipping mental. How could you forget that?”
“Oh really?” I say, my annoyance returning. Just because it happened while we were on a break doesn’t wipe the slate clean. “You didn’t waste much time, then.”
“Don’t be like that.” He cocks his head and knits his brows together. “I was drunk. Ask Gerry, he’ll tell you what happened.”
“Gerry?” I’m startled. The Judas. “Don’t tell me he’s known all along?” I wonder if Gerry told Louise too. But no, she’d have said, we tell each other everything. I trust her with my life. “What about Ronan?” I snap.
