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“Look, Nick.” I massage my throbbing temple. “It’s late, I’m tired.”
“I only said I couldn’t marry you because she started threatening me,” he goes on, ignoring me. “She’s a nasty piece of work, Audrey. I wish I’d never clapped eyes on her. I wish I’d just stayed home that night with a few cans and Match of The Day.” His skin stretches over his Adam’s apple as he tilts his head back and stares at the ceiling, neck full of abrasions. I wonder if they’re from the accident or from a blunt razor.
“She found your number on my phone,” he says wearily, “must’ve been when she stayed over – said she’d phone you and tell you everything herself if I didn’t call off our wedding, lie that we’d been having an affair for months. She even dialled your number in front of me once; put you on loudspeaker, then hung up when you answered. So I knew she meant it.”
Shit. She sounds like a psycho. I wonder if all those silent, breathy calls I kept getting from Unknown ID were from her. I thought it was Callum winding me up. I think I even shouted, “Fuck off, Callum,” down the phone once.
“I told her there was no way I’d cancel our wedding, but when she threatened to turn up at the altar in protest…” Blimey, she’s definitely a psycho. “Well, I had to do something to protect you. I couldn’t stand by and let her humiliate you in public.” I give him a daggered look. “Humiliate us,” he corrects. “It was all happening so quickly. I felt like I was on a carousel. I just needed a bit of time to sort something out. But when you refused…well, you didn’t leave me with much choice. I had to call it off.”
“You could’ve come clean,” I say crisply. Silence. “Okay, okay whatever,” I look at my watch. “I’ve heard enough, now will you please just go? I’m expecting Daniel any moment now,” I lie.
“I thought you were tired?”
“I am.” I wave a finger at the blank T.V. screen “We’re just going to watch something on Netflix.”
He laughs. “Remember how long it would take us to find a film we both wanted to watch?”
“Nick, please.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Audrey.” He’s back in his seat, picking at a fingernail. “I thought I could handle it. But now I know I made the biggest mistake of my life, walking out on you – on us. You’re right, I should’ve come clean. Told you everything from the start. I’ve regretted it every day. But when you almost die, well, everything changes, your values, your aspirations - everything.”
“Nick, come on. I don’t want Daniel to find you here.” I get to my feet. “If you really care about me at all, you’ll go.”
“But what about us?”
“Nick, you’re having a baby with another woman, one-night- stand or not. There is no us, not anymore.”
“You don’t mean that. We’re good together, you and me. I promise I’ll…”
“No, Nick. Please. Stop!” I close my eyes for a moment, taking a big gulp of air. “There’s no way back for us. Not now. Not ever.”
He stares at his brown loafers. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I want you to be happy. And if that means being with him…” he trails off. “But I just want you to know that I do love you. I always have and I always will. You’re everything to me.” I feel a tug in my stomach. I wish he’d stop doing this to me. He’s just making it all worse. “You saw me in Cyprus too, didn’t you?” He looks at me carefully beneath furrowed brows.
“What?”
“By your bedside on the morning of our wedding. I told you then that I’d be back for you, remember?” I don’t know what he’s talking about. I dreamt of him, yes, but he wasn’t physically there in the room with me, that I know for certain. “Then when you thought you’d woken from a dream and began to cry,” he continues, his voice thick with emotion, “I climbed into bed with you, cried with you, held you in my arms but you couldn’t feel me, of course.”
“Nick, you’re deluded or drunk, or both. It’s late, come on.” I look at my watch. It’s almost seven – any minute now the phone is going to ring. I march into the hall, he charges after me.
“And at that restaurant in Ayia Napa.” He forces himself between me and the front door, the phone shrills in the background. “You saw me at the window as well. I know you did.” How could he know that? The phone trills and trills. He’s spooking me out. Then I remember that I told Louise just after I’d got back, she told Gerry and he updated Nick. Simple. News travels fast. The phone stops ringing and my mobile goes off on the dining table.
“Please, just go.” Dancing Queen chimes in the background. “No, not until you admit you saw me.”
“And how did you get there, hmm? By magic?” I snort, hands on hips. My mobile phone stops ringing then starts almost immediately.
“I had an out of body experience,” he says uneasily, throwing a glance at the tinny tune coming from the lounge.
“Look, stop all this nonsense!” I push him out of the way and wrench the front door open. “I know Gerry and Ronan have filled you in with all my comings and goings, so stop lying.”
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”
We both fall silent. I speak first, “Goodbye, Nick. And congratulations, by the way, do try to be a decent father.” He looks at me, face dark, eyes full of remorse. I’ve never seen him this upset. I hope he’s okay. I’ve heard that a blow to the head can cause all sorts of complications.
He steps onto the porch, then suddenly spins round, “What about on the aeroplane, then?” he says, eyes bright. The phone starts ringing again. “I know you felt my presence. I sat beside you on your journey home. I kept talking to you and then, for a moment, you heard me, didn’t you? When I said, ‘We’d have been on our honeymoon now’. You flinched. And the little girl who kept washing her hands…and, and…” A bit of saliva flies from his mouth, his face is shiny with sweat. I try to filter everything he’s saying. The phone is ringing, ringing, ringing in my ears. I’m sure I told Louise all this. Jeez, she must tell Gerry everything. “And the man next to you with that big, hairy mole and bad breath.” Come to think of it, yes, he did have bad breath. I don’t think I told anyone that.
“Look, sorry, Nick, I’ve got to get that. It might be Louise.”
He follows me briskly into the lounge to the ring, ring, ring of the phone. “Can’t you see, you and I have a spiritual bond, a connection. That’s why you could see and hear me sometimes.”
