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“Oh God, no.” I shake my head. “Daniel’s just got too much baggage, that’s all. It’s draining me, and I saw a side to him today that I didn’t really like. I can’t handle it anymore. I think he just caught me on the rebound, to be honest. I’m not ready for another serious relationship.”
“Have you known him long?” He puts down his crisp packet and picks up his wine glass.
“No, not really, but I’ve spent a lot of time with him during our short relationship.” I stare at the TV screen, there’s a documentary on about sea creatures which I’m finding deeply hypnotic.
“Maybe you should just slow things down a bit.” He strokes my back gently, kindly. “Give it a chance.”
“No,” I snap, recoiling. “I feel suffocated, Ronan, it’s all happening too fast. I should never have got involved with someone so soon, I wasn’t ready.” He looks at me for a while in silence, hand still stroking my back, alarm still beeping in the distance.
“Oh, come here.” He pulls me into his arms. “What are we like, hey?” I lay my head on his chest, he smells of tobacco and spicy cologne. “Why can’t life be simple, eh? Why does it have to have so many twists and turns and hurdles?”
I stare at a dolphin on the TV, listening to Ronan’s heart thumping against my face – lubdub lubdub lubdub. “Anyway,” he says suddenly. My head bobs on his chest as he fills his lungs. “At least you and Nick are talking again.” There’s an octopus now on the screen surrounded by colourful fish. “He said you’ve both moved on now. He’ll be upset to hear your news, I’m sure.” He curls my hair around his fingers. Nick won’t be upset at all. He’s got Connie to keep his bed warm now. My stomach clenches. I pull away. I need to sober up.
“Coffee?” I offer.
Ronan nods, eyes fixed on me. “You okay?”
I look at him for a while, wordless. I don’t tell him that the girl he gave a lift home to tonight is Daniel’s daughter, that Nick went behind my back and slept with her when he promised me he’d stay away. That he couldn’t do this one thing for me. “Yes,” I say eventually. “I’m fine. I’ll stick the kettle on.” A sudden attack of vertigo hits me as I get to my feet and I sit back down, the room spins.
“I’m sorry,” I say, holding his forearm tightly, “too much wine.” Getting plastered this evening wasn’t such a good idea after all, especially as I have to be in the office by 9 a.m. tomorrow for a meeting.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, putting his arm around me, “don’t apologise.” Then as I turn to look at him he kisses me lightly on the lips. I look into his big blue eyes, glazed with lust. We’ve both had too much to drink. We’ve both been horribly let down. I kiss him back, slowly at first but then hard and passionately. He slips his hand under my sheer cream blouse and undoes my bra, his right hand cups my breast. Then he unbuckles his belt and I sit astride him, pulling my blouse over my head hurriedly. My mouth finds his again and we kiss wildly, madly.
And this time, we don’t pull apart. This time, we don’t stop to consider others. This time, we don’t think at all.
30
The ringing is insistent. Brrr, brrr, brrrrrrr. Someone is banging their fist so hard on my front door, I can feel the vibration pounding against my skull.
A small voice in the distance is calling out my name. Opening one eye, I focus on the alarm clock. 9.26. Oh shit! I throw the sheets back quickly. I should’ve been at work an hour ago. I try to swallow but the roof of my mouth feels as if it’s about to crack into a thousand pieces. I can’t believe I slept through my alarm clock. It’s unheard of for me. I’ll have to ring for a cab now, and hope to God that I can fob Raymond off with a good excuse for turning up two hours late.
The cool morning air wafts over my bare body as the pressure over my right eye slowly makes its sad journey across my head, sabotaging any notion I had of getting out of bed. What happened last night? How much did I have to drink, for goodness sake? Then suddenly it hits me. Oh, fucking hell, I had sex with Ronan. Shit. Shit. SHIT! I sit up too quickly and the room spins. I think I’m going to vomit.
“Audrey!” The banging and ringing is getting louder and louder. “Audrey.” More banging and ringing. “It’s me. Are you okay? Open the door. Audrey!” Swallowing back the bile, I slowly crawl out of bed, grab my dressing gown and shuffle to the front door. I can see Jess’s silhouette through the patterned pane. “I’ve been ringing for the last ten minutes.” She storms into the hallway, red-faced. “It’s almost nine-thirty, what’re you still doing in bed? You look dreadful, by the way.”
“Oh my God, Jess.” I pull my dressing gown around me hurriedly as I walk along the hallway, tying the belt at my waist. “I was supposed to be at work ages ago.” I hold my throbbing head, my heart pounds. “Will you ring the office for me, tell them I’m ill? We had a board meeting to discuss sales figures and two new clients. Shit. SHIT. Raymond is going to bloody well kill me.”
“I already have!” Jess says, pulling her Beanie off her head. My heart does a tiny little leap of hope. She must’ve guessed that I wasn’t well, called in sick for me. “I tried calling you at work first but they said you hadn’t turned up. Then I called your home, your mobile.” My shoulders sag, she was calling around looking for me. “I had to come round, in the end. I thought something might’ve happened.” Damn. I’d forgotten to turn my mobile phone back on after I left Aliki’s yesterday evening, and my landline is still unplugged.
Jess looks at me worriedly, “You okay? You look rough.” She drops her holdall by the lounge door and places a hand on my shoulder, sniffing the air. “And you stink of booze.”
I pull an exasperated face, admit that I had a bit too much to drink last night, but assure her that I’ll be fine after a shower and a cup of tea. “Going somewhere?” I murmur, giving her holdall an absentminded glance.
“Well, where to start?” She unwinds her grey scarf from her neck. “The noise in the house is unbearable. Mum and Gerry are at each other’s throats most of the time.” She slips out of her biker jacket, “Mum’s talking about adoption again. Did she tell you?” I shake my head and she rolls her eyes. “Well, I say talking but it’s more like screaming. And she wants rid of poor old Roxy. I’ve fallen in love with that dog.”
“Oh, no,” I say, “that’s not good.”
“I know,” she cries, barely drawing breath, “And if all that wasn’t bad enough, Francesca, you know, Gerry’s diva twin?”
“Oh, yes,” I nod and my head hurts.
“Yeah, well, she’s flying in from Paris this evening with one of her sprogs.”
“Already? I thought she wasn’t due for another week.”
“Yeah, it was a last-minute thing. Change of plans or something. Anyway, I can’t study with that lot in the house, obvs. So I thought I’d stay here. It’ll only be for a few nights until she goes back. Is that okay, Aud?”
“What about Sky?”
