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I can't believe he'd walked out of our date like I’d made him mad. With a glance at the clock, I confirm that it's only eight thirty. Still too early to go to bed, not that I'm tired.
I check my phone again, hoping for a text, a missed call, anything. Sterling isn't the type of guy to ghost someone - at least, I think he isn’t. Maybe I have been wrong about him all along. I'd spent the entire walk home trying to figure out if he was right and I was just looking at things wrong. Sure, I'd be upset if he spent our date talking about another woman, but not if he was complaining and upset about how that woman treated him. And I sure as heck wouldn't accuse him of being in love with her.
My heart sinks as I wonder if he is really done with me. I don’t want this one single argument to be the end of everything we've enjoyed together. But instead of the expected surge of panic and sadness I thought I’d feel, I just feel... relieved. Maybe the pressure of being in a relationship is just too much for me right now. Between work, my past, and my interpersonal relationships, maybe I'm just not ready to find love.
Needing to talk to someone and find some comfort, I give my best friend Katie a call. She always answers the phone, and this time is no exception.
“Hi, hi, hi!” she says in her sunny voice. “What’s up, Emma?”
Talking to her is like being gas lit like there's nothing going wrong in the world. But right now, her cheery attitude might be a welcome diversion from, well, life.
“So I think my boyfriend dumped me.” We've always had a cut to the chase kind of friendship, and now doesn't seem the time to change that.
“Oh, no. I like Sterling. What happened?” Her concerned tone of voice helps put me at ease.
“We were on a date and I kind of unloaded about how much I hate Clifton and how difficult he makes my life. Apparently, he got the impression that I am in love with Clifton. So he walked out.” But the flash of pain I expect doesn't come as I say the words out loud to my best friend.
“Wow, that’s a lot all at once. He thinks you’re in love with Clifton because you hate the guy?” She laughs, clearly seeing the humor in the moment. “He’s been reading too many romance novels, I guess.”
The thought of Sterling reading romance novels almost makes me laugh.
This is why I love talking to Katie; intentionally or not, she always makes me feel better.
“And I keep trying to call him, and he won't answer my calls or call me back or text me. I don't know what to do.” As I say the words, the answer becomes clearer.
“What do you want to do?” Katie asks.
Faced with those words, I'm at a loss. What do I want to do? “I don't like the idea of being with a guy who, if he feels a certain way, will just walk out.” While I understand his need to exit the situation, it feels like the most disrespectful way possible to handle a difficult moment.
“That’s valid,” she says, sounding a bit distracted.
“Do I need to let you go?” I ask.
“Huh? Oh, no, I’m good,” she says with a slight laugh. “I can split my attention between you and the laundry.”
I smile, remembering the days we'd get together and help one another with laundry. “It's been way too long since we had a laundry date.” I’m joking around, but she quickly agrees with me.
“It made chores more fun.” Even though she doesn't say it, a sense that my being busy all the time is the problem.
“You're an amazing friend.”
In a very matter of fact tone, she responds with, “I know.”
I wonder what to say next, but she starts talking again. “As far as Sterling, he will either come around and realize he made a mistake and apologize, or he won't. Either way, you have your answer. I'm betting that he's going to be apologizing to you sooner rather than later.” She lets out a laugh.
Part of me wants to believe her, but another part of me whispers to let him go. Obviously, he's not right for me, and it's better that I learn this sooner rather than later.
“You're right, as always,” I say, hearing her washing machine start humming. “How are things with you?”
“Great, I just got a promotion at work, Larry asked me out, but I said no because who needs that headache? And mom and I are going on vacation next month. We booked a cruise.” In spite of her upbeat voice, pain lances through me as I think about my relationship with my mother. Wish I could book a cruise for myself and my mom, but that's just not possible.
“What are you going to do about Clifton?” she asks expertly, steering the conversation back to me.
I lift both shoulders even though I know she can't see me. “I don't really know what to do except get through it.” There really is no other option.
“Is it possible that maybe you have feelings for him? Could Sterling have seen something you're not considering?”
I freeze in place, wondering how the heck she can even say something so awful. Maybe she's not hearing me or not understanding. I hate Clifton with every fiber of my being - there’s no way I love the guy.
