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I’m deeply afraid that I'm going to fall head over heels for the man and he's going to decide that a future with me is not what he wants and walk away, leaving me heartbroken and picking up the pieces. Has love always been this uncertain? I am not uncertain about the way I feel; I'm just uncertain about our possible future.
I walk into the bathroom, contemplating if a hot shower will help ease some of the tension that's forming a headache at the base of my neck. But I'm not sure I even have the energy to get undressed and stand under the hot water.
So I make my way back to my room and collapse onto my bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I wonder what to do now. I don’t want Sterling, but he is set on inserting himself in my life and trying to destroy everything I’ve worked so hard for as revenge because I’m not interested in him anymore.
Rolling my head to the side, I stare at the clock and wonder if I could invite Clifton out to the park, or a coffee place, or even my house. I want to spend time with him, but it just seems impossible.
Bringing my hand to my face, I press my fingertips to my lips, remembering his sweet kiss and how liquid molten heat surged in me when he kissed me. I want him to kiss me again.
I can't believe that Sterling is following us around, that he's been watching me. The spying is very much stalker behavior, and I’ve filed a report with the cops, who told me there’s not a lot they can do without proof of a threat of harm. As if threatening my job isn’t a threat of harm. But when I’d said that, they clarified to a threat of physical harm.
They can't help, just like I thought. Sure, they'd seemed sympathetic, but sympathy isn't going to save me if Sterling goes off the deep end and strangles me to death in my sleep. Maybe I need to stop watching murder shows before bed.
I'm afraid of what happens if this gets out, because even though Clifton is worth whatever fallout there is, I don't want people to think poorly of me, I don't want my reputation damaged, and I don't want to be seen as the woman who sleeps her way to the top. I mean, that’s just not true.
I know that Clifton doesn't want to hurt his dad or the firm, either.
If we were smart, we'd just call things off and stop risking everything.
I stand up, wandering through my home again. I stop by the sunflowers and inhale their delicate scent. The thick smell of lilacs cling to the air and leaves my mouth watering. Their light purple blooms and the darker lavender I’ve paired them up with bring happiness and peace to my heart.
I love my flowers and I love my life. Maybe I need to stop playing with fire and risking it all for someone that might not even feel the same way about me that I feel about them.
I consider calling Katie and getting her perspective, but I don’t want to bother my friend. And things are so fresh that I might break down and cry talking to her.
Instead, I pick up my phone and call Clifton. We'd both gone our separate ways after our run in with Sterling.
“Hello,” he says, his voice warm, yet worried.
“Hi. I think we need a plan,” I say.
He hesitates on the other end of the line, and I worry he’s about to tell me that it’s over. I mean, that's the smart move. I couldn't blame him if he did.
“I meant what I said.” Clifton sounds confident as he doubles down. “No one's going to believe a word that comes out of his mouth after what happened in our office. Besides, how is he going to come tell anyone at our office if he's not welcome in the building? Security is going to see him at the door and escort him off the premises, and if he continues trying, he'll get slapped with trespassing charges.”
The thought of Sterling running to tattle on us at our jobs and getting charged with trespassing brings a smile to my lips.
“Are we being stupid?” I ask, wondering what he’ll say to my concerns.
“I don’t think so. Do you? If we let Sterling dictate what we can and can’t do, that seems more stupid.” He lets out a soft chuckle and I couldn't agree more.
“You’re right,” I say, letting the breath out of my lungs slowly. With it goes some of the stress and tension I’ve been struggling with. He’s so reassuring, and I’m grateful for this conversation.
“Look, I like you. A lot. I don’t want Sterling to be the reason we call things quits before we even fully explore whatever this is.” He sounds confident and sure, and excitement begins to well up in me, threatening to drown me as a huge smile leaves me looking like an idiot, I’m sure.
“I like you a lot, too,” I say, feeling like I’m back in middle school talking to my first crush. There’s something so pure about how I feel about Clifton. Something reminiscent of the wonder and excitement the world held back then that seems to have faded with time and experience.
Feeling much better, I say my goodbyes and hang up, ready to call Katie for more support. I’m relaxed after talking to Clifton, but I want to fill her in on the details.
I stand up and wander back into my kitchen, pausing to pull a salad out of the fridge. Sitting down at the breakfast bar, I dial her number.
She picks up on the second ring. “Hey, Em!”
“How are you, Katie?” I ask at the same time and we both laugh.
“I’m great. Loving the new position, though it comes with more responsibility than I expected. Nothing too bad, though.” She sounds excited and animated, and I'm happy for her. “Now you,” she says.
“Clifton and I went on a date at the park and had ice cream and kissed under a willow tree.” The details spill out of me.
