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‘It’s perfect, don’t you see? We can show them that we’re “together” and I bet they’ll back off once they think we’re an item. Plus it will give me a great in with the group.’
Joe looks like he’s wavering.
‘Look, I’m doing this for my daughter. It’s the most direct way to get in with parents and I promise to be your bodyguard if the flirting flares up,’ I add.
‘Pinky promise?’ He says this so earnestly that I try very hard not to giggle.
I hold my little finger up. ‘I solemnly swear it, Joe.’
‘All right,’ he grants, locking fingers. ‘Let’s do this.’
Chapter 6
‘Thanks, Mummy,’ Lila says as I tuck her up into bed after we strolled home with Joe and Sid. It turns out we live in the same neighbourhood and the kids made us promise to all hang out again when we said our goodbyes.
‘What for?’
‘I had fun eating pizza with Sid. He’s great but the thing I liked best was your happy face, like a big smiley moon.’
Now there’s a compliment, I think with a grin, kissing Lila on the forehead. Her happiness makes my whole mad day completely worthwhile. Sure, I’ve randomly agreed to what is quite possibly a madcap plan with Joe, but one look from my content little girl is enough to tell me that I’m doing the right thing.
It’s not long before I climb into bed myself, my phone buzzing with a message from Poppy.
Kenny seems cute. Who doesn’t love Harry Potter?
My sister’s message is alluding to Kenny from the app, which sounds like a really, really crap version of Jenny from the block. What in the hell kind of app allows her to get notifications as well as me? Mild annoyance that she’s all up in my grill again is soon replaced with delight. I finally have an out! I start typing back.
Kenny seems like a serial killer.
Also stop logging onto Date My Sibling!
It’s bad enough that I have to have it.
You’re not engaging
She’s not wrong there. A red bubble with three new notifications hovers over the matchmaking icon, which is testing my patience to the limit. But I also refuse to be drawn into it. Besides, now that Joe has come up with a brilliant plan I don’t even need to pretend to look at my matches.
I have a (fake) boyfriend of my very own!
Poppy sends me some pointed emojis to remind me that she’s still waiting for me to reply. Mad face. Angry devil. Clown.
Now’s the perfect chance to let her know, I realise, buzzing with all the positives of the plan. Helping out Joe, making friends with the school mums … this fauxmance could be the start of a brand new chapter. Although it’s also quite mad, right? I’m suddenly gripped by the worry that I’m being ridiculous. This kind of thing is not me. This is definitely, categorically not me at all. I scroll through to my camera app. The latest picture is one I took of Joe and me at dinner. I’d hopped over to Joe’s side of the table where we’d posed for a slightly awkward, extremely smiley photo for evidence of our ‘first date’. Now that I’m looking at it again, I notice that it has just the right vibe to it. Joe and I look unused to being in such close proximity to one another, but also very happy to be there. You wouldn’t know that the smiles on our faces come from the promise of a stress-free future rather than a budding romance.
I realise that I’m smiling as I look at the photo. In spite of my initial reservations, and Joe’s dubious personality, I did have a good time tonight. I felt at ease and we had a laugh. It’s a good thing, I decide. It will all work out. And I will tell Poppy once I’ve got some rest.
After a hectic few days, I still haven’t got around to telling Poppy. But it’s the weekend and she’s on her way over now to babysit while I’ve lost track of time. I try to highlight my cheekbones while running Lila a bath, the highlighter falls into it, water splashes on my clothes and it all feels like a timely lesson that you cannot always multitask, I think wryly as I fish the make-up out and hope it isn’t ruined.
My phone won’t stop chirruping, either. Joe and I swapped numbers which means we’re messaging a fair bit. His profile pic is a photo of him at Halloween dressed as a beekeeper with a chubby bumble bee in his arms, which turns out to be a much younger Sid – even I can admit it’s quite cute. Joe also had a word with Celeste and I’ve had an invite to join the parent volunteer group on WhatsApp called Barnaby’s Babes, which is both thrilling (I’m in!) and worrying (surely not an appropriate title for parent volunteers?!).
He’s just sent me a screenshot of the group name along with a skull emoji. I’m still chuckling at this when Poppy lets herself in and bounds up the stairs to find us.
‘What’s up?’ she asks, cocking an ear in the direction of Lila’s bedroom, from where we can both hear (perhaps everyone in Bristol can) the wails of my daughter. I had the sheer audacity to serve peas with her dinner and she and the teddies have been holding an ear-shattering protest ever since. Poppy doesn’t wait for me to answer, bowling into Lila’s room while I hold my breath. When I tried to go in a few minutes ago she threw a pair of dirty socks at me.
‘P-p-peas,’ I hear Lila saying between gulps of tears.
Poppy stomps back down the corridor, arms folded.
‘Peas.’ She shakes her head at me. ‘You hated those things when we were little, too. How could you, Soph?’
