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Celeste shoots me a look as if I’ve just told him Christmas is cancelled.
‘Oh Oscy,’ she soothes. ‘Don’t you worry about Sophie.’
‘Hang on …’ I protest.
‘No, it’s okay,’ she says, holding her hand up. ‘We ate ants at a Michelin-starred restaurant on holiday last summer.’
I take a step away from the kids and motion for Celeste to come with me.
‘It’s not okay actually, Celeste,’ I say quietly, aware that lots of little eyes are upon us. ‘Because we can’t have the children snacking on live ants at the park. There is a difference.’
She doesn’t even grace me with a reply. She just turns and calls to her inconsolable son, ‘Not everyone is as cosmopolitan as us.’ All I get is a pitying look from her. All the other parents are watching too and I sigh, counting to ten in my head. This is not how I’d expected the first parents’ trip to go! Bloody Oscar Battenberg. That entire family are going to ruin my enjoyment of the cake, I just know it.
I’ve got my group sat cross-legged in a circle drawing pictures of the minibeasts they have spotted when I notice that Celeste has once again dumped her own group of children and is prodding a startled-looking Joe for information. All of the groups of children are fairly close together, so I suppose we can all keep an eye, but still, why can’t she do what she’s been asked to do? Joe keeps shooting me help me looks and I pull a face and wave back. I probably should help, except I don’t think I should leave my group. Mostly because I suspect Oscar would grasp his opportunity to cut the worms he’s currently searching for in half.
Finn, Mel’s son, starts tugging at my jacket.
‘Miss,’ he says, which I find quite adorable. ‘Have you seen the fluffy ducky over there? I think it’s lost its mummy.’
I turn to see a baby duckling wandering in the opposite direction to its mum and baby siblings. Finn’s eyes have pooled with tears.
‘What if it’s lost?’ He sniffs.
Oscar seizes upon this and runs towards the duckling. He ends up chasing it further away from the brood.
‘Come back here please, Oscar,’ I call. I’ve stood up to try to assert some authority and I can sense the rest of the group of kids all looking up at me.
Oscar meanwhile stomps up and down.
Joe and Celeste walk over, Celeste fussing over her child again and Joe asking what’s wrong.
‘It’s fine,’ I say. I point out the lost duckling and lean in to whisper about Finn looking quite upset and the next thing I know, Joe is rolling his sleeves up. He picks up an empty cardboard box, which we’d used to carry paper and pencils to the park with us, and puts one hand on his hip.
‘I’ll deal with this,’ he says, and I can’t tell if he’s gone into saviour mode to show off or not. ‘We’re going to need to keep the children occupied and away from the duckling. If the mother duck sees what’s happening we risk her abandoning her baby.’
Celeste gasps.
Tally starts filming.
I’m a bit bemused.
Mrs Flowers pulls a bag full of snacks out of her floral print backpack, a sure-fire way to keep the kids busy.
We all watch as Joe stealthily approaches the duckling, rests the box in front of it and waits for it to waddle in. Then he scoops it up, walks back towards the pond, taking cover behind a nearby tree, and rests the box down by the water’s edge, close enough for the duckling to see its parent again.
We’re all holding our breath as we wait to see if the duckling is spotted by its mum.
‘What if the mummy doesn’t find it?’ Finn asks.
‘She will,’ I say, and realise I’ve made the obvious mistake of promising something to a child that I actually can’t.
But then the mother duck lets out a loud quack and the fluffy duckling is soon bobbing along the water in the duck’s wake alongside its siblings. A sigh of relief is emitted from all of the adults in our group. Joe returns, a complete hero, and for a man who professes not to like the mum’s attention he looks decidedly pleased with himself.
I’m relieved, and perhaps a little impressed by his quick intervention. But I still roll my eyes.
‘Oh Joe, you superstar!’ coos Celeste.
‘My followers are obsessed with this,’ announces Tally. ‘They’re all calling you hashtag Hero Dad.’
