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“Tell me the Breezy story!” Christian exclaims.
Lucca settles next to him, and they both look at me with matching grins. Same eyes. Same nose. Same smile. It’s too much. Something I secretly dreamed about for years.
“I’m going to shower,” I choke out. “Be right back.”
I bolt from the room, needing a moment to collect myself. It isn’t until I’m in the shower under the hot spray that I allow myself to feel all the emotions from the night. Sobs rattle through me, making my entire body tremble. I’m so tired. Not from the night, but from this life. I’d been barreling along, but recently ran out of steam, just coasting, praying I didn’t sputter to a stop. Tonight, I feel like someone else has taken the driver’s seat. It’s hard to give up that control, though.
After spending way too much time in the shower, I quickly dry off and dress in some sweats and a T-shirt. I brush my teeth, eager to get the taste of vomit from my mouth, and stare at my reflection. Without the makeup I wear heavily for the club, I’m just me. Autumn. Christian’s mom who’s doing her best all by herself.
Not anymore.
The hopeful thought makes my gut churn. What if he leaves again? I don’t let that bitterness linger and rush from the bathroom.
When I make my way back into Christian’s room, he and Lucca are talking quietly. By the way Lucca furrows his brows, it’s serious.
“Just in time,” Lucca says, chasing the frown with a smile. “We were waiting for you to come back so we could read the story.” He picks up the book. “But I can’t read it. It’s gibberish.”
Christian giggles. “The book’s upside down, silly.”
“No way!” Lucca gasps in exaggeration. He flips the book around and laughs. “Well, looky there. I can read it now!”
Their laughter has about ten pounds worth of stress lifting from my shoulders. I crawl into the bed on the other side of Christian. I’m tired. I hurt everywhere, both inside and out. My emotions are a mess. As Lucca reads to Christian, I rake my fingers through my son’s hair and snuggle him. One day, I’ll have a job where I don’t have to leave him at night and we can have lots of story time together. Lucca’s voice is a relaxing timbre that lulls me to sleep.
I wake with a start, confused in the darkened room. It takes a moment to realize I’m in my bed and the heavy arm wrapped around me belongs to Lucca. Being in bed with him has familiarity and longing thrumming through me.
“Christian?” I ask, my voice thick with sleep.
“He fell asleep and I brought you to bed.”
I brought you to bed.
My body prickles with awareness. Everywhere he invades my space is on high alert. Hot breath against my damp hair. Large hand splayed over my stomach. Hard erection pressed against my ass.
“Autumn.” My name on his lips is fierce, angry, betrayed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “You left and…I just couldn’t bear for you to reject him too.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “I said shitty things I didn’t mean, baby. I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”
Words I never thought I would hear engulf me like a tidal wave. I’m swept under, drowning in them. Tears leak from my eyes. My body trembles. It’s not unusual for me to break down in the dark. What is unusual is having someone hold me through it. Not just anyone, but him. Lucca Russo.
“I’m going to make things right,” he vows, nuzzling my hair. “Let me make things right, Breezy.”
Six years of being strong, and I just let go, let the tension bleed from my body as I exhale a deep breath. “Ok-kay.”
Okay?
I’m really going to do this?
Nothing about the way he holds me and cuddles me feels wrong. Nothing about the way he looked so right beside Christian wearing a matching grin felt wrong. Everything feels unbelievably right with him warm beside me.
“I want to kiss you,” he murmurs, pulling me down onto my back. In the dark, he moves the hair from my face gently, then presses kisses to my skin, lingering when he finds my lips. His leg slides between mine, and he tangles us together. Our kisses are sweet. We take our time, remembering how the other felt with soft brushes and swipes of the tongue. When he playfully tugs at my bottom lip with his teeth, I let out a breathy chuckle.
“There she is,” he murmurs. “There’s the girl I’ve missed every day for six years.”
“I missed you too,” I admit. “I never could bear to date anyone. It just didn’t feel right because I had Christian to take care of.”
He presses a kiss to my nose. “I didn’t see anyone either. I was so fucking angry and depressed over losing you. No one compared, Breezy. No one. I took care of my sister the best I could, dealt with the bar, then came home each night and jacked off to memories of us.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “It fucked me in the head. I never cared to participate with anyone because they weren’t you. That’s why I was into that bullshit I did at the club. Watching. Pretending. But never doing. I never could move on.”
