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“Can you honestly tell me you enjoy clinging to all that hurt and anger?”
More hunching. More waiting. And waiting. Until finally she sighed, so soft and defeated it broke his heart. “No.”
“Then why do you think you’re being so stubborn about it?”
The look she sent his way probably would have had most people shaking in their boots. But he simply raised a brow.
And waited.
“Jesus, Grant.” Jumping up from the chair, she began pacing the length of the kitchen. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Her pain was so powerful, so palpable, he could actually feel it radiating from her. And he wanted nothing more than to go to her, wrap her in his arms, and tell her it would all be okay.
Since he had a feeling that would only serve to piss off both of the women he was trying to help, he refrained. “Do you think maybe it’s been a part of you for so long you don’t know how to let go of it?” he asked softly.
He pretended not to notice her swiping at the tears trickling down her cheeks. “I don’t know.”
Fuck it. He couldn’t just sit there and not offer some form of comfort. Rising from his chair, he blocked her path, forcing her to stop. When she did, her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed. “Move.”
“I’m not going to do that.” Although he kept his voice gentle, he put a bit of steel behind the words. “I need you to listen to me. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”
“I’m not your fucking sweetheart.”
“And I’m not your Daddy, but you’re about ten seconds away from going over my knee if you don’t drop the attitude and listen to what I have to say.”
For a moment, he thought she might just haul off and punch him. She certainly looked like she wanted to, and he honestly couldn’t blame her. The threat was out of line, and he wasn’t even sure he’d meant it. Thankfully, he didn’t have to find out. After several long, strained seconds of silence she slowly nodded her head.
“Good girl,” he praised in that same firm-but-gentle tone, and he couldn’t help but notice the pink that colored her cheeks in response. “It can be really hard to let go of our hurt and our anger, especially when someone deserves it. And Jesse may be my babygirl, but I can admit she’s earned your anger.”
Edie nodded again, just a slight movement of her head, but it was enough for him to continue. “But at some point, that hurt and that anger stops being a weapon against the person we’re mad at and starts being something that only hurts us.”
“I don’t need the after school special lecture, Grant.” A muscle jumped in her jaw, a physical manifestation of the temper she was so obviously trying to keep in check. “I’m just not ready for this. Not only because I’m not sure if I’m ready to forgive her, but also because I’m not sure I can trust myself to punish her for it, not right now. And on the practical side of things, it’s been years since I actually spanked anyone. I’m not sure my first foray back into topping should be something so… big.”
“I appreciate your honesty.” And he did. As eager as he was for Jesse to be able to put this all behind her, he didn’t want her to get hurt in the process.
“I’m sorry.” To his surprise, she looked like she genuinely meant it. “I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.”
“It’s not, but I understand.”
She looked so miserable that his arms physically ached to hold her. There had to be something he could do, some way he could make things right between Edie and his babygirl.
An idea lodged itself in his mind. He dismissed it at first, but the longer he stood there with a painfully sad-looking Edie, knowing his Little girl was in the other room feeling the same way, the more the idea took root.
It was probably a horrible idea. The kind of idea that was absolutely guaranteed to blow up in his face. But he couldn’t just let the hurt feelings between them fester, and as Jesse had pointed out, there was one surefire way to at least start the healing process.
“What if we did a practice run of sorts?”
Edie’s eyebrows rose. “A practice run?”
“Yes. I still owe her a punishment for disappearing on me the way she did. What if I let you give the warmup portion of her punishment? It might give you the distance you need from your own emotions while getting used to topping someone again. And maybe, before we leave, you’ll be in a better place to actually give her the punishment she asked you for.”
He could practically see the wheels turning in her mind as she watched him, studied him. “You really want to involve me in your business like that?”
“You’re already pretty involved, little pixie.”
“True.” She nibbled at her bottom lip, and he couldn’t help but notice how soft and full that lip was. “Okay. I think I can do that. But only if you’re absolutely sure it’s okay with you.”
“Then let’s go find my naughty little girl.”
