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She didn't look angry, thank god, but he hated the slight downturn of her beautiful mouth. As if she was tasting something sour.
“Because you're you and I'm me? Apples and oranges?”
Again, he had to force out an, “Exactly.”
She stared at him as if daring him to look away. “I don't buy it.”
What the fuck? He'd just told her he couldn't foresee any kind of future with her and she was questioning him? Any other woman would've probably been crying. But not Janica.
Despite himself, his respect for her notched up another level.
And a sweet sense of relief that he hadn't seen coming flooded through him as she said, “I think you like me a whole lot more than you want to admit. And don't tell me that if I leave right now you won't be coming by my place later to fuck my brains out again.”
A warning light flashed before him. Partly because he was afraid she was right. Partly because he didn't want her to be right. He'd always been in control. Always.
But something told him where Janica was concerned, he might not ever be in control again.
It was unthinkable not to fight it, not to fight what he was feeling, not to fight what he couldn't possibly understand.
“Right there,” he said in just as challenging a voice as she'd made her previous statement, “that's exactly why we could never work as a couple.”
“A couple, huh?” She cocked one eyebrow up in an exaggerated manner.
She was turning his words around like a lawyer intent on prosecution. “Jesus, Janica, you're not listening to me!”
“Yes I am, Luke.”
“No, damn you, you're not!”
Fuck. He never raised his voice. Except with her.
“Actually,” she said sweetly, “I thought I'd been listening to you pretty darn well. Did I not drop to my knees or strip fast enough for you last night?”
“And that's another thing,” he found himself saying as he tried to keep up with her. “That's not how I have sex.”
“Could have fooled me,” she retorted. “Seemed like you knew exactly what you were doing.” She paused, narrowed her eyes. “At least in my experience.”
Jealousy bit him in the ass at the thought of her role-playing with another man. He couldn't stand the vision of another man ripping her dress from her, giving her commands, forcing her to suck his dick.
“How many other guys have you let dominate you?”
“Is that what you did?”
His jaw felt tight from gritting his teeth together so hard. Why couldn't she make this easier on him?
Of course she couldn't. She was Janica Ellis.
The ultimate pain in the ass.
And...the sweetest lover he'd ever had.
“You know damn well what I made you do,” he said in rough voice.
She grinned and he was surprised by it. Just as he was continually surprised by everything she did. That was her problem, she was unpredictable. Or, he thought a beat later, maybe the problem was that she was predictably wild. Sexy. Overwhelming to his senses. He just couldn't take her in, couldn't process her in a rational way.
“I loved every single second of 'what you made me do',” she said with finger quotes around the words.
Damn it, she wasn't answering his question. “Tell me, Janica. How many?”
“You're mighty possessive about my sex life, you know, Luke,” she said, but he'd already reached—and was headed past—his boiling point.
He shoved their plates across the counter with a loud screech. “Tell me, now, or I swear to God I'm going to—”
Another sexy little smile. “What are you going to do? Spank me?”
Jesus, he shouldn't be getting harder at the thought of spanking her. His palm suddenly itched to caress her ass.
Her eyes widened as she took in his reaction to her teasing. “You actually want to, don't you?”
He shook his head. “I don't.”
Fuck.
He did.
“I'm not the submissive type.” More softly, “I've never been like that with anyone but you. I've never wanted to be like that with anyone but you.”
As she said it, he knew she had to be telling the truth. Because in all the years he'd known her, she'd never been the least bit submissive. It was just that night in her apartment she'd been so perfect, as if she practiced following sexual orders a hundred times.
Unable to understand any of it, he had to ask, “Then why?”
She looked him straight in the eye and said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Because you needed me.”
Chapter Thirteen
There were so many things she wanted to ask him. But there had already been too many revelations on these kitchen bar stools.
“Come on. Let's go outside. Take a walk on the beach before it gets dark.”
Without waiting for his agreement, she headed out the door and down the steep set of stairs that led down to the sand. Her body, her brain, felt tingly, jumpy. Like with every word out of her mouth, with every revelation she hadn't intended to reveal, she was changing into someone else.
And suddenly she knew for sure that the woman she'd been last night and the woman she'd be when she left this cabin would be very different people.
Thanks to Luke.
At first she didn't hear his footsteps on the stairs behind her. She was nearly at the bottom before they came.
Clearly, he was having a hard time. With her, obviously. But what else was bothering him so much?
It was exactly what she intended to find out.
Her feet bare, she walked through dry sand to where it was dark and cold and wet.
For being such a city girl, she had always loved nature. In fact, she rarely worked out in a gym, preferring to go for a hike or an open-water swim.
A wave came in and as the water frothed over her feet, she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.
“Cold?”
“Come here and feel it for yourself.”
When he didn't walk into the surf, she held out an arm to him. “Don't worry, I'll keep you safe.”
She realized the hugeness of what she'd said as his eyes bore into her, as serious as she'd ever seen him. She tried to open her mouth to make a joke that would minimize it, but nothing came.
Because she'd meant it. She would keep him safe.
If he would let her.
Finally, he came forward and took her hand. And the incredible thing was, even after all of the amazing things he'd done to her body, his simply holding her hand was the most wonderful thing of all.
Together, they stood at the edge of the surf in perfect silence, holding hands. Janica worked to memorize every sensation. The slightly rough skin of his palm against hers. The smell of salt water and redwood trees. The sun fading behind wispy clouds.
