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Knowing better than to crowd her when she was like this, Lily stayed where she was as she said, “When I walked in, Jan, the way he was looking at you—” She paused, making sure Janica was listening to her before she continued. “In all the years I've known him, he's never looked at a woman like that, honey. Only you.”
Janica couldn't respond, not with her throat clogged with emotion, not when she was bound to become a sniveling fool if she so much as opened her mouth.
Lily grabbed a bar stool and sat down on it, her expression one of deep consideration. “I can't believe how blind I've been this whole time.”
“Oh come on. Everyone and their dog has been able to see how I felt about him.”
“Not you, Jan. Luke. He's in love with you.”
Wanting to believe it so bad it hurt, Janica shook her head, hard enough to make her eyeballs hurt.
“No. He isn't.”
But Lily clearly wasn't listening, because she was saying, “You know what? I think he's been in love with you the whole time. Ever since Travis and I got together.”
It was exactly what Janica had wanted to her. But she couldn't believe it.
Not anymore.
“He didn't even like me.”
“No, honey, he loved you. And it must have scared the crap out of him. I can't believe I didn't see it. No wonder he always worked so hard to keep his distance from you. Because if he didn't, he knew you'd get in and make him admit his love for you.”
As close to the verge of falling apart as she'd ever been in her entire life, Janica said, “I know you're trying to help. But please. Stop.”
Because Lily was only making it worse by filling Janica's head and heart with hopes and dreams and wishes.
“Honey, I just know he's going to realize what he did, how stupid it was, and come back in that door any second now to tell you he loves you.”
“Then you don't know your best friend very well,” Janica said, not with anger, but with a sure knowledge that killed her.
But Lily was, in her own way, just as stubborn as Janica, so she tried another angle. “I've never known you to run from something you want. You love him, Janica. That has to be worth fighting for.”
“I've been fighting with everything I have!” Janica half yelled at her sister. Forcing herself to calm down, she said, “I thought I could keep fighting, but I-” Her voice started to shake and she had to stop, take a couple of deep breaths. “I was wrong. He can't even be with me around you. Now I don't even know what I'm fighting for, anymore.”
“His love, Jan.”
A lone tear slipped down Janica's cheek. “But can't you see, even if I get what I want, even if I force him to stay with me, no one wins?” She shook her head. “Because that isn't real love.”
Janica took another deep breath. Steadied herself. “Sorry you had to come all the way out here to check on me.” She made herself push forward even though all she wanted to do was throw herself into Lily's arms and sob her heart out. “I'll come by your house soon. Spend some time with you and the kids, okay?”
She knew Lily wanted to say a thousand more things, wanted to ask a thousand questions, but Janica simply couldn't let her do that, so she turned and went into the bedroom to go collect the few things she'd brought with her.
And to change out of Luke's shirt.
She wouldn't take any part of him that he didn't want to give her. Not his clothes.
And definitely not his heart.
* * *
Lily found Luke out on the beach in front of the house.
“She's loved you for so long, Luke. You know that.”
That was the thing about Lily, Luke thought. She looked so soft. So easy. But she was made of steel when she needed to be.
The exact opposite of her sister, who seemed to be all steel, but was really so soft and sweet at her core.
Knowing he was acting like a coward, he turned to face his friend and sister-by-marriage. “I should have had her call you. I should have known you’d be worried.”
Lily gave him a small smile, shaking her head. “My favorite part of all of that is the part where you think you can actually make her do anything, Luke.” And then, “How long have you been in love with her?”
He had to turn away from his friend again to stare out blankly at the rolling ocean at his feet.
Was that what this feeling was?
Love?
Fuck.
Could he really be falling in love with Janica? He never would have picked her if he'd had a choice.
Suddenly, he had to wonder, did he have a choice? And if not, what the hell was he going to do?
He knew he loved being with her, both in and out of bed. He knew that she made him feel happier, lighter. But he didn't know if that was enough.
If it could ever be enough.
When he didn't say anything, he felt Lily's hand on his arm. “Tell me what's wrong, Luke. I know she's my sister, and I dearly love both of you, but you can talk to me. I'm your best friend.”
It was the strangest thing, but her words didn't sit right with him. Suddenly, it hit him why that was.
“No,” he said slowly. “You're not.”
Lily looked like he'd slapped her and he quickly reached for her hand. “I'm sorry. I can't seem to say or do anything right today. What I mean is that I know Travis is your best friend now. And that's exactly how it should be.”
“But that doesn't mean that you and I—”
He cut her off with a quick brotherly kiss to her forehand. “I love you, Lily. You know that. But right now, you're not the person I need to be talking to.” He looked up at the cabin. “And I have a feeling that if I don't get back up there right now, the woman I owe my explanations to is going to be gone before I get a chance to talk to her.”
Chapter Twenty
Janica sat on the couch in the living room, her sketchpad on her thighs, her pencil in her hand. More than anything she wanted to bolt, wanted to hide. But she couldn't leave without saying goodbye, like a coward.
She couldn't leave without seeing Luke one more time.
She heard footsteps on the stairs and her heart started thumping in an out-of-control rhythm.
He was barely in the door when he said, “I'm sorry.”
She swallowed. Licked her lips. Closed her notepad and started to stand up.
But before she could get to her feet, he was skidding to a stop in front of her on his knees. He put one large hands on her legs.
“Please, let me try.”
The warmth of him burned all the way through her body. She couldn't refuse him anything. Not yet.
Not when she wanted everything so badly.
