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“Sorry.” I shook my head. “ADHD. What were you saying?”
“I was saying you and Lori can date again. And I feel responsible for the military school thing. Your parents might have been headed in that direction already, but I certainly pushed them to the doorway. I’ll get you out of it.”
He was telling me that he would give me everything I’d hoped for when I came over here. I won. I could at least be happy that I wasn’t going to military school. My brain kept sending signals like this to my muscles, prompting a reaction, but I couldn’t move. My fists gripped the armrests as I watched Lori slip her arms around Sean’s waist and hug him hard.
“Why the long face?” her dad asked. “I thought this was what you wanted. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll call your mom right now. Trust me. I’m a lawyer.”
“Yes, sir.” I jumped up from my chair before I broke it into pieces by squeezing it with my fists. I extended one of my hands to Lori’s dad and he shook it. What we were shaking on, I had no idea. I just wanted out.
He walked me to the door and called after me across the yard, “I am very impressed with you, young man.” That was a new one on me, and I would have laughed at how ridiculous it sounded if I weren’t so intent on reaching a certain point in his yard with a certain vantage point from which to see a certain dock.
I peered through the trees. I hoped what I’d seen from the porch was a trick of light on water or an all-out hallucination. But there were Lori and Sean, still standing on her dock. The kiss had ended, but they were wrapped in each other’s arms.
That was supposed to be me.
Maybe it was me. I put my hand on my skull-and-crossbones pendant to check.
Nope, I was me and that was Sean.
I turned away. I couldn’t quite get my head around what my eyes were telling me. But it was catching up quickly, and my anger simmered. I had talked to Lori’s dad for her. I had shaved my beard for her—a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber. I had ironed for her. I dwelled on these petty things to keep from descending into the bottomless pit that gaped in front of me. I had gotten us out of our mess. I had told her I would take care of it, but she had stopped believing in me.
Maybe she never had.
Or maybe she really was using our troubles to catch Sean, who she’d loved all along.
I wasn’t sure which was worst.
I was so angry that lights flashed behind my eyes, which told me I needed to think this through before I acted. Intellectually I knew I was jumping to conclusions about her and Sean. But even if she wasn’t after him, she had betrayed me again. I had fixed everything, for once. And she broke her promise to me. She had done the one thing I’d asked her never to do. I didn’t need a girlfriend like that.
I walked into the kitchen of my house to yet another horror. The air was filled with the scents of pizza and bitesize egg rolls and pretty much any crappy snack my mom could find in the deep discount section of the frozen foods aisle. She was preparing an extra-special spread for the party tonight. I’d almost forgotten about the party.
When she heard the door close, she looked around the corner at me, then came out from behind the kitchen island to hug me hard. She held me at arm’s length, searching my face and smiling. “Lori’s dad called.”
“Woo-hoo.”
Her brow wrinkled in confusion, then rose. “He says you can date Lori again. And now he’s trying to convince me not to send you to military school.” I nodded.
She put her hands on her hips. She was frustrated with me for not showing more joy at this fantastic news, but she wasn’t quite ready to let go of her own happiness yet.
“What in the world did you say to him to make him change his mind?”
I shrugged. “I manned up.”
“Well. I have to say, I’m bowled over.”
“I’m so glad.”
“You should be. Much as I hate to look like Trevor McGillicuddy is jerking my chain, he makes a very good case for you. I’ll speak to your father and convince him that we don’t need to take that tour of schools.”
She waited for me to foam at the mouth with gratitude. I did not.
“Adam.”
“What.”
“I am telling you we’re not sending you to school and you can date Lori again. Isn’t that what you wanted? Are you hearing me?”
“What do you want me to do, thank you for treating me like a dog for three weeks?”
She stared at me really hard, and I thought she was going to lay into me. Then she asked, “Did you have an argument with Lori?”
“No!” I stomped past her, ran up the stairs, and slammed the door to my room. This time when my tenth grade player-of-the-year trophy teetered on its shelf, I let it fall.
It crashed to the rug, and the football broke off the quarterback’s hand.
I flopped onto my bed, fished my phone out of my pocket, and called Rachel.
“Hey, Adam!” she squealed. “I’m so glad you got your party back! I can’t wait! Sean doesn’t have a date, does he?”
“You could say that,” I said. “I just saw him sucking face with Lori out on the dock.”
Rachel giggled like she always did at everything I said. Only this time, it was a maniacal giggle, like a psychotic bluebird. I was afraid she might start hyperventilating.
“Oh, God! Oh no! This is exactly what you’ve been warning me about all along!”
The giggle stopped abruptly, as if she’d never been on the brink of hysterics. “I’m sick of being nice,” she said with determination. “I can play Sean’s game. What time are you picking me up?”
15
I ran toward Sean at the warehouse. He looked in my direction and kept turning keys in the dead bolts on the door like he knew I was up to no good.
I snagged his hand and dragged him after me.
“Whoa there, woman,” he said as he stumbled, keys jingling.
“Come with me.” I led him down the grass and around the seawall until we reached my dock.
I stopped him with my hands on his chest. After an examination of my screened porch through the trees, I pushed him six inches to the left. “My dad is probably out on the porch,” I told Sean. “While he’s watching, I need you to act like we’re together.”
His eyes widened, and he put his hands up in the air. “No way. I don’t want to get sent to military school.”
“Yes way,” I said. “You’re going to college in the fall. You’re free and clear.”
He glanced toward the porch too, I thought. But I realized he was looking at the window of my brother’s room when he said, “I could get thrown off Chimney Rock.” I gave him the meanest look I could muster. “Sean Vader,” I seethed, “you put your hands on me in an ungentle-manly fashion this instant.” I must have looked like I was going to kill him or give myself an aneurism, because he quickly put his hands on either side of my bare waist, just above my bikini bottoms and Adam’s cutoff jeans.
With my fingertip I pressed his chin until he tilted his head down. I stood on my tiptoes and balanced my forehead against his, gazing into his pale blue eyes. Close-up, he appeared to have four eyes. This was neither sexy nor conducive to a productive discussion, but I figured it looked frightening to my dad.
“You know about my plan,” I said. “I’ve been dating boys who are worse than Adam so my dad will give in and let me date him again. You are the worst boy I can think of.” I closed my eyes and kissed the side of his mouth.
Sean breathed a little harder through his nose, which made me feel powerful. But then, infuriatingly, he said, “Adam and I made a pact. I’m not getting in his way by messing with you, and he’s not getting in my way by messing with Rachel.”
My stomach twisted. Adam and I made a pact too. But I was trying to save him from military school, which was more important than my promise to him.
“You’ve already screwed up everything with Rachel,” I reasoned. This might have hurt Sean’s feelings, but if he still carried a torch for her, he sure hadn’t done anything about it in the past three weeks. “And pact or no pact, Adam will thank you for this later. My dad will agree to let Adam and me date. Then he can talk your parents out of sending Adam away, because I was the cause of all that trouble in the first place.” I kissed Sean’s cheek. This was the path Adam had taught me: corner of the mouth, then cheek. Next stop, ear.
“In case you haven’t noticed,” Sean said, “Adam and I don’t do each other any favors.”
“Maybe you need to start,” I said. “After all, he wouldn’t be headed to military school if it weren’t for you.” I put my mouth on his ear.
“Me-he-he-he!” he exclaimed. Obviously he was caught off guard by the ear treatment. He gripped my waist harder, but he managed to croak, “You just admitted this was your fault.”
“It’s my fault Adam keeps getting in trouble for being with me,” I whispered in Sean’s ear. “It’s your fault that your parents thought he was so awful in the first place. If he’d suddenly started acting out, nobody would be talking about sending him away to school. But he’s been getting in trouble since I met him. You and I know about twenty-five percent of that is ADHD and the other seventy-five percent is you doing something and then blaming it on him—either just to get yourself out of trouble or specifically to screw up his life. I’ve known this all along, and I can’t believe I wanted to be with you until recently.” I kissed my way back to his cheek.
“I have issues,” he whispered back. “That makes me vulnerable. Chicks dig it.”
“If you say so. Shut up and kiss me.” Without waiting for his decision, I kissed Sean Vader full on the mouth.
Sean was a great kisser. It would be hard to compare him with Adam because they were totally different. Sean kissed as suavely as he talked, with an understated smoothness that left me wanting more. Adam’s kisses were much more intense. And that’s why, even though I cracked one eye open occasionally to get a delicious peek at Sean with his eyes closed, kissing me slowly, looking so much like Adam, I never forgot who I was kissing.
He slid his hands onto my butt. I froze at first. Adam’s brother’s hands were on my butt. But this was great for the plan that I had dragged Sean into. I had to remember I was doing this to save Adam from military school.
Still, I began to feel guilty, and I thought I’d better lighten the mood. “Am I good at this?” I joked against Sean’s lips. “Are you actually maybe a little turned on?”
“Until you started talking.”
“Good.” He wasn’t falling for me any more than I was falling for him. I licked my lips and prepared to move in again.
But I couldn’t lean forward. I stayed stuck where I was, staring into his light blue eyes that really weren’t all that much like Adam’s after all, now that I examined them up close.
“What’s the matter?” Sean asked.
I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears. “This isn’t going to work, is it?”
“No.” I couldn’t see him, but his low voice sounded almost sympathetic. “What are the chances that your dad is watching us right now? Or that he would care in exactly the way you need him to care? Or that he has good enough vision to tell it’s me and not Adam?”
“You’re right. It hasn’t worked yet. I don’t know why I keep trying. I guess I just don’t want to face the fact—” I looked up into his eyes. He watched me with concern.
“—that I can’t fix it!” I burst into tears. My whole world seemed so hopeless and empty and meaningless. Adam was getting a punishment he didn’t deserve because of me. If I couldn’t fix it, what good was I?
“Aww,” Sean said. “Come here.” He pulled me forward into his arms and rubbed my back, soothing. With his chin on my head he said, “I’ll talk to my mom, okay?” I was too busy sobbing and soaking his T-shirt with my tears to respond.
“I mean, Adam needs knocking around to toughen him up. I’ve done him a favor. But you’re right—sending him to military school makes no sense. I’ll try to talk my mom out of it. If anybody can do that, it’s me.” He patted my back absently. “Maybe it will get back to Rachel that I’ve done a good deed.” I sniffed gigantically. “Maybe you should talk to Rachel and tell her you want to make up with her, you moron.” He held me at arm’s length and looked at me like he’d never seen me before. “That’s an idea.” A few minutes later, I hiked back up my yard and went into my house. I had tried my best to freak out my dad, but I was used to my plans to get Adam out of the doghouse falling through, and I was resigned to the fact that my last try with Sean had not worked at all. Therefore I was astonished when my dad knocked on the screened porch door and motioned for me to come outside with him.
Cautiously hopeful, I edged onto the porch and eyed him. He relaxed in his customary chair with a full view of our dock, beaming. He would not be beaming if he’d noticed Sean and me making out right in front of his nose. Damn it, we must have won the lottery!
“I know what you did,” Dad said.
“You do?” I asked carefully, just in case I had a much poorer understanding of parental psychology than I’d thought.
“Yes. And I think it’s commendable.”
“You do?” Was he talking about Sean and me? I hadn’t volunteered at the Humane Society since the beginning of the summer.
