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“I’m going to fuck this tight little hole too. I’m going to watch your face when I take your ass.”
She moans, arching her back for more.
“I’m going to come,” she manages, pushing into me as I rub her clit, finger buried in her ass, my cock thrusting with punishing strokes into her pussy.
“Come. I want to feel you come with my dick in your pussy and my finger in your ass. Come.”
“Make it hurt, Damian. Make it hurt.”
Caught up in the fucking that’s now become frantic, I do. I fuck her like she wants. Like I want. She cries out as she comes, her ass pulses around my finger, her cunt around my cock. When she looks back at me with those beautiful eyes, I lose it.
“God, I fucking love you,” I groan.
I register the words. Does she? But any thought is overridden by this animal rutting, this beastly fucking.
When I come, I lose all thought, only feeling her from the inside. Only hearing her moans as I drill into her, pushing her flat onto her belly as my cock throbs deep inside her. Deeper than I’ve been yet, emptying inside her.
Spent, it takes minutes to roll onto my side. She turns her face to mine, our heads resting on the same pillow. The only sound in the room is that of our combined breathing, ragged and worn out.
We just look at each other for the longest time, her eyes soft, quietly watching. Does she see that monster, I wonder? Is that what she’s searching for? She won’t have to look hard.
It’s when I touch her cheek to push back the hair that’s matted to her face that everything changes. It’s then she shutters her eyes and locks me out. The instant is so marked, I feel it like a chill.
It was too much too fast. “I hurt you,” I say. Fuck. I should know better even if she asks for it. She doesn’t know any better. I’m the first man she’s been with.
“You will always hurt me,” she says as if reading my mind. “You should always hurt me.”
I get up on one elbow, a weight settling in my gut.
“Never make love to me or touch me like you did in the tub. Never be gentle.”
I look at her, confused as fuck.
She sits up and looks down at me.
“I see you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I don’t ever want to forget who you are. What you are. I don’t ever want to forget that you’re a liar and a monster. I want to see you with clear eyes, Damian Di Santo. And whatever feelings come up when you’re fucking me, know that mine will never change. I will always hate you.”
She spits the words and I’m dumbstruck as she wipes away a tear. Looking more hurt than angry, she slips off the bed and walks out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.24CristinaI’d moved some things into another bedroom earlier. It’s the one with the lock and although I already know he has a key, it makes me feel better to know it’s one more barrier he’ll have to get through to get to me. I don’t even care that I’m walking naked down the hall. I’m sure at least one of Damian’s soldiers is standing in the other room with a clear view of me.
It’s then that I realize something.
Lucas never answered one of my questions. It’s been niggling at me all afternoon but with all the other crap going on, I’m only now getting to it.
When I’d asked Lucas if he’d set the fire, he said he hadn’t, and I believe him. I think he’s too smart to actually do it himself.
But I know what I saw, and I can’t doubt myself. Not now. Not when everyone around me is using me to get what they want.
Now that I know about the fire, I wonder if what he was carrying out there was gasoline. When I asked him if he’d helped the men who’d set the fire, he deflected me expertly. He asked me a question in return, distracting me. And I’d so easily been distracted.
In a way, what I learned today has made me accept my situation. My captivity. And strangely, I’ve made some peace with it. Maybe it’s knowing the truth, as horrible as that truth is. Maybe it’s just finally having all the pieces and seeing them as they are, not as I want them to be.
Not as I want him to be.
Because I do want them to be different. And I want him to be different.
I didn’t miss what Damian said to me in there. I think it hurts more because he did say it. Because I do want to hate him, and if I say it enough times, maybe I will. If he hurts me enough, maybe I will.
